The 2008 Pam Ward Chronicles Award Show!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Well that was a fun year wasn't it? Went by pretty quick too. Last year I had a bit of an Awards Show for the Pammies, so I figured we'd give it another shot this year before we get into the post season. Some of the categories are the same, and some are new, but all highlight the fact that someone will say something dumb, any given Saturday.

As far as though Post Season Pammies, we'll be putting up open threads for most games, and keeping track of the quotes as the games go along. There might even be a live-blog or two at some point. As always, your help is welcomed and thanks again for a great CFB regular season. Onto the quotes of the year!

The Captain Obvious Quote of the Year:

Runner Ups:
"If you run for the endzone, a lot of time, you score." - Petros Papadakis
"Every tackle you make could be touchdown saving." - Charles Davis

"If the ball hits the ground, by rule it's incomplete."- Mike Patrick

The "I Have No Idea What I'm Saying But I'm Going With It Anyway" Quote of the Year:

Runner Ups:
“Great tackle, er, broken tackle by Charles. Gordon finally gets him in the backfield. Gain of 5 for Charles.”- Pam Ward
"I'm not real good at Math, but that sounds like a backwards pass."- Ray Bentley
"When you're a boxer and working the body, the lumberjack swings the ax." - Doc Walker
"I don't even know if you're allowed to say this. But just like you can't be a little bit pregnant, you also can't be a little bit spread."- Gary Danielson on Auburn's spread offense
"When you watch Tiger Woods, you're in awe of what he can do with a seven-iron. Watching Matthew Stafford from up here, he's head and shoulders above most college quarterbacks." - Gary Danielson
"Then you are under the pile and that is where all the dirty stuff happens."- Andre Ware
"The French Uppercut"- Dave Pasch

"Tim Tebow's like the snake doctor for Florida. Gotta stop the snake doctor, keep the Gators from moving the ball....this time he snaked Alabama with a play action pass." - Gary Danielson

The Completely Random Quote of the Year:

Runner Ups:
"Remember this. Bear Bryant retired at age 69, and he died 28 days after he stopped coaching. If you don't have something, and a purpose in your life, you're gonna die."- Lou Holtz
"This is a guy who is a combination of great courage and nuts."- Steve Physioc
"I dont know who's happier, Mr or Mrs Stafford. If that keeps up there might be a little Matthew coming." - Gary Danielson
"That was the biggest understatement since General Custer said, 'They look like friendly Indians.'" - Lou Holtz
"Looks like there's a fag down in the end zone" - Tom Hammond
"Part of the ligament that they replaced in him was a ligament from a cadaver. Yeah, he's got a part of a dead man in him, but his game is alive!"- Mark Jones

"You're talking about one game. One damn game. The guy was not, the guy was....the guy WAS NOT a good quarterback last year. It was very disappointing. We're talking about the best quarterback. Not who had the best day! Not who had the weakest damn schedule!!!"- Lou Holtz, after losing the debate segment on Colt McCoy vs. Tim Tebow

The "I Have No Idea What The Rules Of Football Are" Quote Of The Year:

Winning Tie:
"They've gotta spike the ball here!" - Pam Ward on a 4th down play
"No more playing it safe! You got to go for it here" - Gary Danielson before a 3rd and 11

The Overly Sexual Quote of the Year:

Runner Ups:
"Big hole, Brown explodes." - Brent Musberger
"Jermaine Cunningham comes in his face."- Mark May
"These guys are making me hot."- Paul McGuire
"He's not getting enough tasty balls that he can take a bite at."- Petros Papdakis
"Once you get wet, you only get wet once."- Bob Griese
"There's the line of the day, tell Stacey Dales that!"- Brad Nessler
"We're actually double-fisting on Kansas and Texas Tech over here." - Rob Stone

"I hope you and Bob are nice and dry while I get wet here in trenches" - Stacey Dales

The Dumbass Quote Of The Year

Runner Ups:
"This is easy. They go to Hester here." - Danielson
"They would, but Hester is out west these days." - Lundquist
"Well, last year, they would have." - Danielson

"Alabama rolling over the Volunteers of Texas 22-3." - Wendi Nix
"Colt McCoy's numbers are better than Vince Young's when he won the Heisman." - Lou Holtz
"You're talking two time zones away, three hours difference"- Andre Ware talking about Cal having problems with the time difference

"These goalposts are unlike any others in all of college football because they have two uprights."- Bob Davie

The Funniest Quote Of The Year:

Runner Ups:
"All of those orange fans up there. I would say to our players, they wear orange so they can cheer for their team. They'll wear the same orange outfit tomorrow to go hunting. And they'll wear the same orange outfit the last five days of the week in order to pick up trash."- Lou Holtz

"How do you ask your girl 'hey baby do you want to go to the game' and then take her up to the rock? I mean it's not like you got privacy up there"- Mark Jones
"They are certainly enjoying themselves."- Bob Davie


"Ya know, Hitler was a great leader too."- Lou Holtz

Thanks again for all of your votes, and thanks to our 2008 winner, Pam Ward!

The 2007 Pam Ward Chronicles Award Show! (Awful Announcing)

Posted by Awful Announcing at 1:52 PM


I'm going to miss those Stacey Dales sexual enuendos.

walnuts said...
Dec 11, 2008, 2:10:00 PM  


Anonymous said...
Dec 11, 2008, 2:28:00 PM  

is that guy getting a handjob?

questionmark said...
Dec 11, 2008, 2:40:00 PM  

I'm pretty sure it's "Runners Up" not "Runner Ups."

Jay said...
Dec 11, 2008, 2:53:00 PM  

And stay classy anon 2:28 PM.

How about we give out "The Viewers' Choice Pammys?"

JamesCraven said...
Dec 11, 2008, 2:55:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dec 11, 2008, 2:59:00 PM  

Who won the "Stay Classy Troll Award?" Swearing Man?

Dec 11, 2008, 3:03:00 PM  

Some funny, some just petty, pointless mistakes. If you really don't think pam ward knows that you can't spike it on 4th down, come out and say it. If you really think Gary Danielson thinks 3rd down is an appropriate time to punt it on third down, come out and say it. This is just petty, and not funny, and not a big deal either. I mean, I agree a lot of these announcers are terrible, but why don't we find a more meaningful way to critique and even ridicule them based on something more objective and meaningful than these stupid little sound bites. (Although Gary Danielson clearly has enough gaffes that cobbled together he's trouble without even going further.)

I mean you have some guy like Mike Patrick who is consistently retarded, pedantic, mean-spirited, and off-the wall, and you're ripping on Pam Ward because she mistook the down before she spoke? Gimme a break.

This blog has a lot of potential, let's do it better than snippets and sound bites.

When I read your open blog sometimes this season, I noticed often that the joke was really more on the person who sent the sound bite to you than the sound bite itself. Some of them were funny, but some were just strange, as is, why does the person consistently send these think they are gaffes or even funny.

More often than not the snippets seemed to be strange things said that the poster actually did really think was funny.

Im more a fan of the Dr. Z type of reviewing then this, although there are of course some nice gems in these one-liners.

Dec 11, 2008, 3:10:00 PM  

Oh, and one more thing, about the winer of the year: Why does this not make any sense. Although awkwardly worded, and of course un-PC because naturally TV doesn't allow you to refer to Hitler in a sentence, don't you so obviously see what Lou was getting at? We need more quotes that are completely rambling, senseless and GENUINE misunderstandings of something than just something awkwardly worded or obviously a misstep. If you can see what the person was getting at, it's awkward, and perhaps funny, but not really. This is AWFUL announcing after all, not mistaken announcing.

Dec 11, 2008, 3:13:00 PM  

Stacey Dales is hot. I'd say some sexual innuendo to her.

Anonymous said...
Dec 11, 2008, 3:51:00 PM  

@ Mike Patrick....

You take this wayyyyyy too seriously, it's all in fun dude!

SSReporters said...
Dec 11, 2008, 4:05:00 PM  

I still have no idea what Danielson was talking about with his snake doctor reference. It ruined that game for me. What a dipshit.

James Craven, the "stay classy" remarks have run their course. It's a blog. People are going to say dumbass things. Get over it.

GMoney said...
Dec 11, 2008, 4:18:00 PM  

I can't believe the Gary Danielson 3rd down quote made it in as "I don't know the rules". Watch the game before you call a quote stupid...his quote made perfect sense in the game.

Georgia had a 3rd and long on the series before this one and had been conservative, ran the ball, and punted...and then LSU scored in about 2 minutes. So Danielson was very smartly saying you can't be conservative again, you've got to go for the first down.

Most of these quotes are dumb, but you can't call one dumb when it turns out to actually be a smart insightful thing to say...that just makes you look dumb for completely misunderstanding.

Anonymous said...
Dec 11, 2008, 5:51:00 PM  

GMoney, there are anonymous trolls on the weekly threads that make stupid senile and rather rude comments about their packages and ruder hardcore porn comments like those by Swearing Man and Gay Man. (Are you getting hints on handling these, AA and S2N?)

I'm not the only guy to tell 'em to "Stay Classy" as it were, hell JFein has picked up on it and I allow him to use it like any good person. There should be a monitor on these anonymous trolls and their commentary and if they don't pass muster, thanks for coming, and even when SSReporters does live blogs, he forewarns you as "you'll be in for a long night of being made fun of."

JamesCraven said...
Dec 11, 2008, 5:55:00 PM  

@ jamescraven: I'm pretty sure I only used the "stay classy" phrase a couple times. SSR has Wordpress which (smartly) allows the blogger to see the IP address of all commenters. Which of course, would allow him to track where the comments are coming from and if "Swearing Man" in fact = "Gay Man".

To Mike "Liver Spot" Patrick and Anon @ 5:51: This is pretty much all done for humor and laughs. There is nothing really serious about any of this. I personally did not hear the Danielson quote that Anon was referencing at the time, but often times it's just the way that things are said and how they word things that get them up on here, even if the point is a good point.

JFein said...
Dec 11, 2008, 6:28:00 PM  

I enjoy this blog and appreciate all the time AA and S2N put in but I have to agree that the quote of the year is weak. Look back at every week's nominees and you'll find a ton of better quotes. I guess because it is "Dr. Lou" being Dr. Lou that is what makes it kinda funny?

fairplay said...
Dec 11, 2008, 6:42:00 PM  

No room for Danielson's lust for John Parker Wilson's Mom ?

jg said...
Dec 11, 2008, 8:22:00 PM  

Any a-hole can cut and paste. That's where Anti-Mormon literature comes from.

Brad James said...
Dec 12, 2008, 1:30:00 PM  

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