"What would you do, baby? Without us... What would you do, baby? Without us... And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through... Sha-la-la-la..."

As he walks off the field, Clinton Portis wonders what Brenda Warner is doing in Redskins gear.

"Great run, Clinton. Now just go over there and pump your arms like a cheerleader..."

Zorn: Don't laugh at me! I'm telling you, Ladell Betts is better than you.

Portis: Coach, how am I supposed to perfrom on Sunday when I'm gonna be forced to stare at Tony Siragusa as we are in the red zone? He's so big I can't concentrate!

Zorn: "I love you...but you're not getting my Bud Light."

Zorn: So Clinton, have any of those funny costumes.

Portis: Why?

Zorn: I have suprise for you guys next Sunday. Hip-hip-Hu Ray

Zorn:"Hello,I've been alone with you Inside my mind And in my dreams I've kissed your lips A thousand times I sometimes see you
Passing outside my door Hello!
Is it me you're looking for? I can see it in your eyes I can see it in your smile You're all I've ever wanted And my arms are open wide
Because you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much
I love you

So, do you still have that low cut number you were wearing the other day at practice? I'll get Danny to wear his red-ball gag and assless leather chaps. We'll have a party.

Zorn: I can't believe we waived that speedy Shaun Alexander and got stuck with this bum.

Zorn: How's that enema feel, Clinton? About right? Good.

No,no really, I think my experience would bring some much needed depth to Coach Janky Spanky.

-what the viewers can't see is Zorn's index and middle fingers inserted into CP's rectum -
Zorn: So?
CP: I must say, it feels kinda good, coach.

He called me a genius? He likes me! He REALLY likes me!

Zorn: "So, Clinton, why don't you go get your 'pockets straight' over there by the water coolers?"

Portis: "Cracker ass mother f***er"

Zorn: Ever been to a Turkish prison?

People let me tell you 'bout my best friend,
He's a warm hearted person who'll love me till the end.
People let me tell you bout my best friend,
He's a one boy cuddly toy, my up, my down, my pride and joy.

People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun
Whether we're talkin' man to man or whether we're talking son to son.
Cause he's my best friend.
Yes he's my best friend.

"C'mon Clinton. Can't we just go back to the way things were between us? I miss sitting around the fireplace, eating strawberries, drinking chamgange, and you wispering sweet nothings in my ear..."

"Why do you build me up butter cup, just to let me down and mess me around? Worst of all, you never call baby even when you say you will, but I love you still. I need you more than anyone darling!"

Zorn: Yes. Rashard Choice...
Portis: Emmitt Smiff said that.
Zorn: I know, right?

Zorn: I wonder what he tastes like....

Portis: Man, if there weren't cameras all up in here, I'd whoop yo ass.

JZ: Oh Clinton, I love all those wacky characters you make up, like "Sheriff Gonnagetcha" and "Coach Janky Spanky" and "NFL's Leading Rusher".

CP: Actually, that last one wasn't a character, that was really me.

JZ: Then why did we stop giving you the ball?

What? I always wear my authentic NFL gear mock turtle neck with dress slacks.

Clinton: "I really appreciate the support Mrs. Warner, but shouldn't you be in Arizona with Kurt?"

Zorn: "Andy Reid told me you can't give the ball to your best player too much."

Have you seen this thing on TV called the Sham-Wow? Man, that thing is amazing.

Did he just touch my ass? Oooooo, now he's gonna get it.

Hey Clinton, while we're in Seattle you wanna hit up some nudey bars to celebrate this big win? I've got more lap dances in this town than Shawn Kemp could ever dream of.

Zorn: Ok, ok I'll let you have the ball more. Sorry about the mix up. Lets just let bygones be bygones.

Portis: Thanks Coach Shanahan. I can't stay mad at you.

Zorn: "Come on Clinton, you know the rules and so do I..."

Portis: "What are the rules coach?"

Zorn:

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Portis: "Can't believe I fell for that."

After getting a quick massage from Coach Zorn, Clinton walked over to Jason Campbell scared shouting "I think it moved! What does that mean??!!"

Portis: Yes, I know what I said coach.

Zorn: Genius!!!! Dear God Clinton, what did you call Joe Gibbs

Portis: Old

Portis: "You're gonna have to do a helluva lot more than two tickets to an advanced screening of 'The Day The Earth Stood Still' to get me back on board."

I didn't feel like reading, so this may have already been referenced... BUT
"Don't worry, Clinton, now we'll just have a couple extra months to shoot Eastern's Motors commercials."

or

Zorn: "Clinton... CLINTON..."
CP: [Daydreaming] "Man, that was awesome when Ed Reed was on the same team as me."

Please, no movie quotes. IMdB is NOT your friends in the contests.

Zorn: I know you are a little bit hurt right now, but I can make it up to you
Portis: how?
Zorn I got...*whispers* tickets to a private screen of twilight
Portis: I ain't hurting that bad. I'm rolling on dubs and my pockets is straight!

Zorn: Let me show you how Chuck Knox used to motivate me and Steve Largent.

Portis: Hey, ain't nobody goes there. I'm not Jeff Garcia.