Oh sh*t.

Dammit...that was the same thing I was thinking. I mean, that is obviously what he's thinking.

What a bad dream, I left Notre Dame for......Al Davis!!!

I'm so excited... I'm so excited... I'm so, so scared...

Dammit, I left my garlic and wooden stakes back in the training room.

Tom Cable remembers his family one last time before leaving with the Angel of Death seated behind him.

Hmmm...how am I going to work in a Weekend at Bernie's quote here....

After accepting the interim head coaching position, Tom Cable mentally reviews his "To-Do" list:

- Stock up on garlic
- Get a few jugs of holy water
- Pick up wooden stakes
- Buy crucifixes
- Pray

"How can I make this work? Hmmm... well, guess I could try staying at a Holiday Inn Express."

FUCK!!!!

Shit... my coaching career is officially over.

Davis: "I really like the way this guy controls a locker room and his 'Git-R-Done' attitude. The next coach of the Raiduhs...Larry The Cable Guy. What? Oh. Tom? Really? Ok, Tom The Cable Guy? What? Seriously? Who's Tom Cable? Oh hell, get me Art Shell on the phone."

Al Davis is NOT in the background of this photo. Nope. He's just slowly shifting from this mortal plane to the next.

"You know I don't get you Mr. Davis. You want something one day. The next day you don't like it. Come on man, make a decision."

John Goodman ponders how in the world he finds himself working with someone crazier and more full of themselves than Rosanne.

"Wait... that guy is Al Davis... oh damn."

If I don't look at him, maybe he won't call on me...

Crap.

Cable now has more head coaches than DirecTV!

shortly after this Davis announced that he will no longer be paying his cable bill

...That rug really tied the room together

we made this change because cable is so much faster than DSL

My God, is that what happens when you get old? Kill me now.

Thinking to himself, "What did Davis mean when he said 'My, you look tasty'?"

Wow... time has been very cruel to kd lang. Look at her!

I don't care if he is my boss, I'm not pointing my nose toward that smell of Brut and embalming fluid.

"Al loves me....he really really loves me...hey, is that a cookie? I like cookies..."

Resume Update:
Raiders head coach October 2008-January 2010.

Man, I really screwed up. Al's making me be the head coach.

Homer Simpson could barely contain his excitement at being named head coach of the Springfield Atoms by new owner Monty Burns.

Credit to Deadspin for the spot on comparison

Al Davis prove his health is declining by hiring Larry the Cable Guy's cousin, Tom, to coach the Raiders.

Dead Man coaching!

OK, if I sit here reeeeaaaal quiet like, none of the reporters will remind him that I went damn near winless at Idaho.

Someone really needs to change Al's Diaper.

"Say what you want about the tenets of kicking a 75 yard field goal Al, at least its an ethos"

Holy crap, the Crypt Keeper!!!!!

As the press conference drags on, Cable struggles to remember the password for his Monster.com account.

What did I get myself into?

When you said Oakland, i kinda thought you meant the A's...

good last week i was coaching pee wee football and now im stuck coaching the raiders. how did i fall so far so fast?

"I wonder if I can get free Cokes from the vending machine now that I am the head coach?"

Well Christ

"I'm one of 32 head coaches. Well, at least for four games, right?"

Death decides to let Peter Griffin have a try at it again...even after the infamous "Dawson's Creek kids" screw up.

Wait - did he tell me it was lane.kiffin@hotmail.com or lane_kiffin@hotmail.com? Hopefully he can get me on the distribution list with Art, Norm, and the guys...

Tom Cable wonders that when he gets fired in 6 weeks, he can at least get one of those Al Davis sweaters!

I never thought Hell's Angels initiation would be easier than this.

I knew I was meant to be the coach of the Raiders when I was visited by the ghost of Al Davis. Wait, what? Hes alive?

Cable: "Aw jeez, not this shit again."

Surprising everyone, a senile Al Davis introduces John Goodman as the Raiders next head coach.

Davis: "Number 7? Who's got number 7?"
Cable: "Crap....Bingo"

Cable "I look forward to coaching the-"
Davis "You are fired"
Cable "Edmonton Eskimos"

Madden gave me one piece of advice: sans-a-belt pants.

Does that old man think he can control me like a dummy by sticking his hand up my ass?

Cable: Yep, in a few years, I'll be back in college...

Cable: "Hmmmm. Will I be better known as the guy who followed Kiffin or the guy before Schell's third try as coach of the Raiders?"

Cable: "If I'm the head coach does that mean I can't paint my face silver and wear those black shoulder pads with the spikes anymore?"

Did I really just take a job offered to me by the Crypt Keeper...

Why did I pass on running Tom Walsh's Bed & Breakfast? I'm fetching coffee & bran for some old geezer either way...

MMMMM, Are those my donuts?

Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your home on the wedding day of your daughter. And may their first child be a masculine child

Let's see.. if I sell my house, sleep at the office, buy cases of Top Ramen at Costco, only wear Raider logowear, not spend my per deim on road trips, I should be able to save enough to retire after I'm fired.

Holy $hi! am I screwed...

As he's announced as the new Raiders head coach, Larry Cable could hardly contain his excitement...or should I say, sense of dread and impending doom?

MORT: "What did you just say, Tom?"

CABLE: "Dude, I sharted."

Coach Cable mulls over Lane Kiffin's final piece of advice - up,up,down,down,left,right,left,right,B,A,Start

Cable: ..and I just wanna say that I tried my best and hope my replacement has more success.

Davis: Tommy boy, you're being promoted, not fired.

Cable: What? You're kidding right?

The Raiders are worried about inside information leaked to Mort, but they've got John Clayton on the podium in a Raiders jacket. There's your leak.

Tommy: "Hey, I'll tell you what. You can get a good look at a butcher's ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn't you rather to take his word for it?"

Mort: "What? I'm failing to make the connection here."

Tommy: "No, I mean is, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a butcher's ass... No, wait. It's gotta be your bull."

Al: Wow. . . .

I only thought the reference to Weekend at Bernie's was applicable to yesterday's Jeff Reed caption.....now it really makes sense for this one

Crap! My suppository slipped.

During the press conference, Tom Cable gets right to work as he considers which one of his chins he will hire for his staff

Damn. I knew that career builder site was too good to be true...

Geez what is that smell coming from Al? It smells like a used diaper...filled with indian food!

yeah just like Stuart told me this morning...I am going to be a good coach...because I am good enough, I'm smart enough and dog gone it people like me.

After peeking over his left shoulder, Tom Cable can't remember if he is working with cadavers for Medical Investigations class or accepting a coaching position.

He wants me to get Wayne Gretzky to coach the OL now? That's why he's got that Kings jersey on? WTF.