DV: "Look at me, DAMNIT!"

Dickie V: "Dipsy-doo dunk-a-roo, baby!"
Billups: "Huh?!? I speak English and Raft, not Dickievianese."

Chauncey: "It's always a pleasure to meet one of the people I watched on TV growing up.
You are The Count from Sesame Street, right?"

Look at that awesome head of hair, baby! Even with one eye I can tell that is a magificent head of hair, baby! A true PTP'er.... I used to have hair like that when I was coaching in the NBA, baby...You know who else has great hair? Coach K and Tim Teabow. The General -- Robert Montgomery Knight -- would approve of that head of hair....You know who else would, too....Jimmy V...Never give up, baby...

Chauncy, I remember when you were a young diaper dandy. Oh, Chauncy, please show me your diaper...

Dickie V? Did I just get traded back to University of Colorado?

Unfortuantly for Chauncy, Dick Vitale still thinks it's funny to show people 2girls1cup.com

Dickie: "Chauncy, let me tell you why Duke is the greatest team ever, every single year until your ears bleed."

Chauncy: "Who is this old guy, and why is he touching my thigh."

The next photo taken, which included Sam Cassell, cause the camera to spontaneously combust.

DV: "We are smiling BABY!"

You stole that towel from Jerry Tarkanian, baaaaaay-beeeee!

"i'm balder."
"no, i'm balder."
"no, i'm balder."
"no, i'm balder."
"no, i'm balder."
"no, i'm balder."
"ok, you're balder."

Dan Shulman (off camera): "So Chauncey, you and your teammates must have been tremendously excited when you heard the 1,000 promos that ESPN went to great lengths to air in the last 3 days on all of its programs and game broadcasts that the legendary Dick Vitale would be calling this game, right?"

Chauncey Billups: "Sure"

Due the tremendous success of the NCAA/NBA basketball announcing swap last night, ESPN indicated that Dick Vitale will next be calling pro bowling and billiards broadcasts in the coming weeks.

Dick Vitale is first surprised, then amused to find out that Carmelo Anthony hadn't shrunk and went bald.

Dick Vitale: "I think this young kid here has a heck of a future in front of him, Dan. Chauncey, when are you going to win your first NBA title?"

Chauncey Billups: "I already did. In fact...I was the NBA Finals MVP in 2003-2004 with Detroit."

Dick Vitale: "Ah, keep at it anyways. You'll get to the mountain top someday. You're still a PTPer in my book, baby."

Man, I hear ya, that Mindy Cohn sure was funny on that show.

You got any other DVDs back here?

"So Chauncey, what do you think your chances are of getting to the Final four against Duke and the lucious Coach K, baby?"

"Uh, this is the NBA, Dick."

"Hey, what do I know? I'm bald, I got one eye and I talk loud in order to distract people from contemplating the gibberish that comes out of my mouth, baby!"

Hair Club for Men, much?

"Dick, I have no idea if Mike Krzyzewski is willing to give you a roman helmet...and what's a rusty trombone?"

Chauncey Billups nervously looks away after Dick Vitale pulls out his "little Krzyzewski" during a post-game interview.

Billups, already disenchanted with the college announcer, produces a small smile when he realizes things could be worse: it could have been Billy Packer.

CB: "Uhh sorry man, I got plans tonight. I tell you what, we'll go to Hooters next time you call one of my games."

Chauncey, tell me how you and the Buffaloes kept the offense of a strong Big East opponent like the Hurricanes in check tonight.

Are we allowed to use movie quotes again? I hope so...

Billips: Looks like it's gonna be a two-on-one, a m»nage a trois of pain.
Vitale: Usually you pay double for that kind of action, Chauncy.

Vitale: And this slide is of me and Mrs. V at Daytona Beach.

Dick: No sir, the only V I'm going to show you is in my last name.

Chancey Billups and Dick Vitale discuss their joy that they don't have to live in Detroit any more.

Chauncey scores a perfect 10 on my VBDI, the Vitale Bald Dome Index...He's Awesome, baby, with a capital A!!

After being assigned to an NBA game, Dick Vitale is stunned to learn that the game of basketball is played outside of the state of North Carolina.

"If we had a child it would look just like Sam Cassel"

Ha...ha....ha...Now get your damn hand off my thigh, Dickie.

So how about sex THEN shopping BABY?!!

What is this, a bald convention?(not pictured, Dan Schulman)

I really miss shooting pool.

Billups was told to just smile and nod when he couldn't understand what Dickie V was blabbering...

Dickie V was mysteriously replaced with an automated doll that ramdomly sputtered out "PTP'er" and "BABY" between uninteligible words... and no one noticed.

I remember when you were in diapers, baby!

Chauncey: Why do I think that Vitale's looking at me with one eye and a parking lot attendant with the other.

Billips: Who the fuck is this white dude?

Hey Dick. Why didn't you ever see any of my games at the University of Colorado?

Vitale's inner monologue: How can I advert this conversation back to Duke?

Heeeey Chauncey! You used to run the Pistons at the point, but I used to run them into the ground, BABY!

I don't care what Gregg Doyle says, you got my vote for the Hall of Fame!