"And after I underachieve on the west coast, maybe I can sign with the Mets!"

Ha, I can't lift my hand higher than this, suckers.

After this shoot, Prior proceeded to schedule his next shoulder injury.

Signed the contract with this hand. Can't hear it? Would you like me to turn it up for you?

Since I am no longer physically able to raise my arm any higher than this, after I don't pitch for the Padres at all in 2008 I will be looking into playing professional slow-pitch softball, since I can just underhand it there.

Here, now pee on this hand Mr. Maddux.

I'm Mark Prior and this is the only time I plan on being on this feild suckers.

(zzzzzzzip)...here's what i think of you're incentive-laden contract

After successful Lasik Eye Surgery, former Channel 4 Weatherman Brick Tamland signs with the San Diego Padres.

(zzzzzip)...here's what i think of your incentive-laden contract

No, seriously! My arm does this every January! The Cubs never had a problem with it.

"F" the cubs!

Joel Zumaya's busting up his hands due to Guitar Hero and moving, mine get screwed up by my masterful masturbation technique.

Alternately:

"I'm a little teapot, short and stout. This is my handle; this is my spout. When I get all steamed up, hear me shout: 'Tip me over and...'"

(Crashes, breaks.)

"Shit."

In retrospect, getting all these surgeries werent that bad. My hand is frozen in the perma bird sign, so I have that going for me.

And then I put the needle in Clemens ass and pushed.

Like this.

This won't be the only time you'll see Mark Prior in street clothes in PETCO Field, Padres' fans...

Sit 'n spin, Sooze, sit 'n spin.

Thank you, thank you, to all the the fans, the players, and staff for such a warm welcome. I am incredibly excited to pitch the first three games of the year here in San Diego....I am also honored to be having my next arm surgery right here, in this great city....

Thanks for the check Bartman

I plan on challenging Norv Turner for the title of "Most Weathered Face in San Diego"!!!

Hey, I think I just tore my rotator cuff!

Ah yes there's my luxury suite where I will be watching every game from.

After spilling a particularly cold beverage on his right hand, Mark Prior has contracted frostbite and will not return to the mound until August.

invisible sling!

"Yeah, it's an incentive laden contract. I get a $500,000 bonus just to give Chicago the superfinger!"

This was my remix version of "the shocker" that I had to use after my latest surgery

I'm Ron Burgundy, Go Fuck Yourself San Diego

Mark Prior unsuccessfully performs the shocker. Female PAdre fans shake their heads.

Mark Prior: proving that overrated USC athletes in the pros aren't just limited to their football team.

So I get to coach the Chargers if Norv doesn't win a playoff game? Great!

Go fuck yourself sideways, Chicago.

young henry rowengartner shows what caused the doctor to say funky buttlovin after his latest procedure

And then the GM said, "either your signature or your brains would be on the contract........."

I Plan On Keeping my arm like this in the hope that I don't injure it while signing my first autograph as a Padre!

"Right back at you, Cubs bloggers."