Saturday Night Football Open Thread: The Path To Perfection

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Here we are folks....Week 17 and we get to witness a shot at history. Unfortunately that history has to involve Bryant Gumbel, but what are you going to do?

Where: Giants Stadium
When: 8pm, NFL-N/CBS/NBC
Why: Perfection
How: Bill Belichick in the Study with a Video Camera
Spread: New England -14, O/U 47
Weather: Partly Cloudy, Low 33 Degrees, Winds 5-10 mph

Sorry folks......something has come up and I'm going to have to be away from the computer for this game. I'm leaving this up as an open thread for the night and hopefully you can leave some gems for me in the comments. I apologize for bailing it's necessary.

Cheers and have a good night (if there's a C4 News Team member that wants to pick up the slack I'll be forever in your debt).
----------

....As you wish. S2N here. I'll be picking up about the first half or so (watching on the NBC affiliate) before I'm scheduled to go watch UFC 79 at a friend's house. Right now I am finishing the utter crap-fest that is the Liberty Bowl; I can't believe someone actually scored an offensive touchdown.

Here are your impromptu drinking game rules for tonight:
1) One shot or sip for every airing of the "Eli Manning: UNSTOPPABLE" ad
2) One shot or sip for every Brady-to-Moss pass
3) Finish your drink if Brady and/or Moss break the TD records they are gunning for tonight (each needs two touchdowns)
4) One shot or sip per Eli fumble or INT
5) Chug your drink for any mention or visual of Jared Lorenzen and scream your favorite J-Load nickname (mine is the Round Mound of Touchdown)
6) One shot or sip for every three Gumbel miscues (if we assign one a shot we're never getting through this)
7) Three sips for Manning Face.
8) One sip for mentions of Wes Welker's stature.
9) Chug for a Patriots punt.

Any other suggestions are welcome in comments.

When I hear Bryant Gumbel on the play-by-play for a football game, I feel like I should be watching a documentary on some arcane subject in history rather than a sporting event. The voice does not match the profession AT ALL. He's like the fourth Chipmunk.

There is some audio foolishness under the national anthem, as if they forgot that it wasn't time to play ads during the anthem. It sounds like Idina Menzel (thanks Mookie for naming her) is singing into an oil drum or some form of tape delay -- the whole anthem sounded like a producer spliced recording tape and flipped it back upon itself. The Giants Stadium PA either stinks or the crew was not plugged into it for the TV broadcast.

Gostowski kicks to Domenik Hixon, he returns it out. Rush to Jacobs for five yards. Eli goes all throwgasm to Burress and he leaps, making an outstanding catch inside the Pats 20. Incomplete to the non-Carolina Steve Smith. Coughlin's using his challenge on that incompletion call, and Collinsworth is right to call him out on it. The nice thing about the NFL telecast is that Collinsworth does know what he's talking about, more often than not. If only they can get Professor Gumbel out of the damn booth....

Brady Quinn is now doing ads for EAS supplements. Amazing what you can get in ad revenue without having done a damn thing on the field yet.

Of course, Coughlin loses the challenge for the exact reasons that Collinsworth outlined.

Saying Gumbel is the fourth Chipmunk is an insult to Alvin, Simon and Theodore...who have a much more impressive body of work. - sportsattitude

Noted. Manning hits Burress, who gets a 1st and goal at Ellis Hobbs' expense, and Collinsworth tells us that Asante Samuel does not play that side because they don't flip corners. Archaic, isn't it? Ball at the eight. Jacobs gets nothing.

"Eli Manning remains a work in progress at quarterback." - BG

I can't stand Gumbel...but I couldn't have said it any better myself. - Hanrahan

Gumbel does have a tendency to make smart statements of the obvious that others won't. Witness the "Upshaw's Leash" statement on Real Sports from 2006.

TOUCHDOWN GIANTS. Manning to Brandon Jacobs on the short pass. Kick is up and good, 7-0, G-men.

"What does Scooby-Doo say?" - CC
"Ruh-roh!" - CC and BG in unison.

What's the ruling on the number of drinks taken for bad Scooby Doo impressions? - hsplaybyplayman

Chug to forget that two grown men even did that on national television. Tynes kicks off to Hobbs and takes it back to the 25 yard line. Here comes the Golden Boy. Brady to Moss for a first down, everyone drink! Brady to WES WEL-KAH across midfield for another first down. Oh -- anything about Wes Welker's height = 1 drink.

Koolaid Maroney gets stuffed on first down. Bryant Gumbel likes to say "stoned" a lot. I'm sure he used to smoke weed, or at least do nitrous. Benjamin Watson drops a 2nd down pass, and it's third and long. Kevin Faulk is short on the screen, and of course the Hobo is going for it on fourth down. Brady to Moss, 1st down, SLAINTE! Brady to Welker for another first, and Tommy's new neckbeard is bringing back the passing power.

1st at the 21, Maroney got zip. Brady tosses an incomplete to avoid an Osi Umenyiora hit.

"The Patriots are accustomed of having success on their opening drives this year." - BG. Um, yeah. It's not just the opening drives, really.

3rd and 8 brings an overthrow of Randy Moss, and Belichick brings on the FG team. Kick is up, good, and it's 7-3, Giants.

Domenik Hixon gets stuffed at the 20 on the kickoff, and here comes Eli again -- but before, we get the first salvo ad against Time Warner, Cablevision, and Charter (my cable provider) by the NFL Network. Jacobs gets not much again, and even less on 2nd down. Amani Toomer drops a pass from Eli that hit him right in the chest. On, Giants punt team and Jeff Feagles -- boots it to Wes Welker, who gets back to midfield.

I'm pretty sure Cris Collinsworth called NFL.com's stats or some such "the tool." Why, I don't know.

Collinsworth calls the NFL Network "the tool". I thought "the tool" was the guy he was calling the game next to. - hsplaybyplayman

+1 to you. Brady throws the first down pass away, and Kavika Mitchell is apparently out with a knee injury -- doubt #1 for the "play your starters" for the Giants for this game. No one can run today -- Maroney stuffed for another loss. Brady gets pounded on 3rd and long for the sack, but a flag in the secondary -- illegal contact on the Giants, and that's an automatic first down. Brady rifles it to Donte Stallworth for another first down. Tom then hits WEL-KAH for a catch and some serious yards post-catch, displaying a rare Randy Moss block. Kevin Faulk can't rush for jack, but he gets the pass on the blown coverage for another first down....uh oh, Randy is down on the field and hurt. Got some helmet to helmet from Gibril Wilson. He's walking off.

End of the first quarter. I'm gonna finish this drive with you, but I just got a phone call to go be social -- so after this one, I'm out and it becomes an open thread again.

Brady to Moss -- TOUCHDOWN, PATRIOTS! Randy breaks Jerry Rice's single-season TD record, Brady ties Peyton's TD pass record, Pats own the NFL scoring record. Kick is up and good, 10-7, Pats.

Have fun, folks. I'll see you around tomorrow, and we'll collect the best announcing BS.

Um...that 15-yard penalty didn't help, as Domenik Hixon takes it to the house on the kickoff! 14-10, Giants.

Now, seriously, I'm out.

104 Comments:

This is the first NFL Network game I get to watch with the sound up. Somehow I don't think it will be an improvement.

Signal to Noise said...
Dec 29, 2007, 7:00:00 PM  

Well, it could be Nantz and Simms broadcasting live from the CBS Experience restaurant and Bar.

Put some Dave Brubeck on, break out a tumbler, throw some cubes in and enjoy your favorite beverage while watching this slice of history.

The Gints have no chance.

hollywood wags said...
Dec 29, 2007, 7:08:00 PM  

"I don't mind you calling me a slut on national television in front of our largest audience ever." - Deion Sanders to Cris Collinsworth

J.R. Hippe said...
Dec 29, 2007, 7:44:00 PM  

Well CBS is faster than NBC's feed.

Mookie said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:01:00 PM  

8. If Gumbel has a mistake free game, get a keg.

Mookie said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:05:00 PM  

Stay classy New York.

Mookie said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:07:00 PM  

My good buddy Cris Colinsworth - BG


Very funny Gumby.

Mookie said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:07:00 PM  

Man this game is on more networks than the America: A tribute to heros concert.

KK3869 said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:09:00 PM  

Idina Menzel? Great choice.

Mookie said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:10:00 PM  

Anybody else get some weird background audio when they cut to the PA feed?

Anonymous said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:10:00 PM  

Glad to see the Giant fans held their seats.

Anonymous said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:11:00 PM  

yeah i heard it too

KK3869 said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:12:00 PM  

No relief on radio...Don Criqui is on Westwood One.
It's been a long time since I've seen Rich Eisen on anything of import (if SportsCenter was ever important).
In the open, Eisen sounded so stilted, I thought his mouth was on a seven second delay.

Rick James Bible Owner said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:13:00 PM  

And from Harry Kalas officially welcoming us, the broadcast thus goes downhill. Why can't Harry the K be in the booth?

Anonymous said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:14:00 PM  

"Eli Manning remains a work in progress at quarterback." - BG

I can't stand Gumbel...but I couldn't have said it any better myself.

Hanrahan said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:16:00 PM  

Gumbel excited? Wow.

Mookie said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:17:00 PM  

I love how Gumbel says "this side" when referring to what the common announcer would call either the near side or the right side of the field from the proper persepective. And, I mean love as in strongly dislike.

HSPlayByPlayMan said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:19:00 PM  

Harry The K couldn't be at the game because he's down at Citizens Bank Park singing another chorus of "High Hopes." He thinks the Phillies are still in the playoffs.
Saying Gumbel is the fourth Chipmunk is an insult to Alvin, Simon and Theodore...who have a much more impressive body of work.

Sportsattitude said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:21:00 PM  

This is the first game I have heard Gumbel and he has quite an annoying voice to say the least.

Tar Heel Fan said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:22:00 PM  

Good point, sportsattitude. But even an drunk Kalas beats trying to stay alive with this BG.

hsplaybyplayman said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:23:00 PM  

"Jacobs is stoned in the hole"

Anonymous said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:24:00 PM  

I never thought I'd say this, but at the very least, Eli Manning looked like a competent NFL quarterback on that drive.

Hanrahan said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:24:00 PM  

What's the ruling on the number of drinks taken for bad Scooby Doo impressions?

hsplaybyplayman said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:25:00 PM  

Unstoppable.

Mookie said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:25:00 PM  

I had to rewind on the DVR to make sure that Scooby Doo thing really happened. Unbelievable.

...a little Kiss- "I Wanna Rock n Roll All Night" on the bump

Hanrahan said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:28:00 PM  

CC: "What does Scooby Doo say? Wroo-wroo."
BG: "WROO-WROO!"

J.R. Hippe said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:29:00 PM  

Might need to grab the Scooby Snacks again, gentlemen. Pats are driving. Ruh-ROH!

hsplaybyplayman said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:31:00 PM  

Already with the "I want NFL network" commercials

kk3869 said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:42:00 PM  

Collinsworth calls the NFL Network "the tool". I thought "the tool" was the guy he was calling the game next to.

hsplaybyplayman said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:42:00 PM  

God Gumbel sucks, let me see what's on NBC tonight...uh oh....

Anonymous said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:44:00 PM  

Anyone have the Vegas line on the number of "I Want NFL Network" commercials to be aired this evening?

hsplaybyplayman said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:45:00 PM  

Gumbel's not THE tool, he's just A tool.

Hanrahan said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:45:00 PM  

Great first injury of the night...that'll teach you to try Giants...assholes.

Anonymous said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:46:00 PM  

Random thought: I'm surprised the gearheads at Lexus haven't been tapped for promoting "the pursuit of perfection" the Pats are on, as ESPN calls it.

hsplaybyplayman said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:47:00 PM  

Well how do you do?

SeabassP said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:47:00 PM  

Wow...what a bullshit call.

Hanrahan said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:48:00 PM  

Wow, a call that goes the Pats way. *Looks off of teleprompter for next line* I...am...shocked.

hsplaybyplayman said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:49:00 PM  

Is it just me, or do the Pats get more penalties to on drive ending plays than any other team?

SeabassP said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:49:00 PM  

It's amazing how much the Patriots suck at running the ball.

J.R. Hippe said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:51:00 PM  

Thats what u get for not resting ur starters ass-hat!

SeabassP said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:52:00 PM  

*Insert Law and Order sound effect*
8:51 PM Gianta Stadium
Moss Roughed Up

hsplaybyplayman said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:52:00 PM  

Nice hit, Gibril. I'm guessing he wasn't thrilled with that leg-whip on the previous play that went un-noticed by the refs.

Hanrahan said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:52:00 PM  

We may not see Gibril next week in Tampa.

J.R. Hippe said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:54:00 PM  

I noticed that the "Tom Brady must not be sacked" NFL mandate is in effect tonight. The patriots are not to be stopped, I'm sure all the Refs got the memo.

Chris Casey said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:56:00 PM  

I guess the Ravens were right. The NFL does want the Pats to win. That was an absurdly obvious offensive pass interference.

Gibbon Jockey said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:56:00 PM  

If this were Rock N Jock, I get the feeling Moss wouldn't have earned anything for his celebration.

hsplaybyplayman said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:56:00 PM  

Why is Randy Moss the only receiver that is allowed to blatantly push off in the endzone.

SeabassP said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:56:00 PM  

"Unsportsmanlike Conduct - Grinding on an Official. 15 yards will be assessed on the ensuing kickoff."

Hanrahan said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:56:00 PM  

Thank god that penalty challenge didn't pan out. Cuz when I left the apt to walk the dog, Gumbel said, "If the call is upheld, we'll be back..."

Really? Had the challenge worked and the incomplete call turned into a catch, we wouldn't be watching?! WTF?

I got NFL Network last weekend (thanks for nothing Wednesday announcement) and was absolutely astonished how many times Gumbel gets things completely wrong. The only thing he has got going for him is experience. Otherwise, the number of mistakes he makes would never even get him an interview. Awful, awful, awful!

And it continues tonight.

"Three records have fallen."

Uh, no, one record fell and two others were tied, though.

Dec 29, 2007, 8:58:00 PM  

Hanrahan, that would be a horrible display, and it's a shame that it didn't air on FOX for Joe Buck to bitch about.

hsplaybyplayman said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:58:00 PM  

Ruh-roh! I mean, touchdown, Giants. Oh my.

hsplaybyplayman said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:59:00 PM  

Officials can't dance is right.

What a ballgame we have here...

Dec 29, 2007, 8:59:00 PM  

Wow, y'know, if I was allowed to push off like that, I could be an NFL receiver too.

Giants return the kickoff for a TD, and Pats finally get a dose of karma.

RandomRanting said...
Dec 29, 2007, 8:59:00 PM  

I think Eisen has a thing for the dude in the Wendy's wig.

hsplaybyplayman said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:00:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hanrahan said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:04:00 PM  

La Bamba: In the year 2000...in the year 2000...

hsplaybyplayman said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:06:00 PM  

God almighty, the Pats run game is awful...

RandomRanting said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:06:00 PM  

Isn't Ross from Tennessee, not Texas?

SeabassP said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:08:00 PM  

The kicker, Gostkowski, for one of the first times this season, has pressure put on him to deliver. To his credit, he has done just that so far.

hsplaybyplayman said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:08:00 PM  

...almost as bad as the production value the NFL-N displays. Seriously, as much as I like football, I would not want to pay more money to see the 8 games they show given how poorly produced they are (and thats not even taking into account Gumble)...

RandomRanting said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:09:00 PM  

Ross is from Texas.

That's one of the few things Bryant Gumbel has been right about this year.

Anonymous said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:10:00 PM  

Can't blame me for second guessing him can you?

SeabassP said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:11:00 PM  

Yeah, randomranting, the glitches are bad (cameras losing picture, audio problems, lack of talent). Hell, the high school football games I've called have better production value.

hsplaybyplayman said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:12:00 PM  

First, Scooby Doo...now a Keanu Reeves mention. Has Gumbel been reading AA's lists of the things Dick Vitale mentions during hoops games or something?

hsplaybyplayman said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:13:00 PM  

Ellis Hobbs got pwned...awesome...

SeabassP said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:14:00 PM  

The way these two talk about NFL Network features, its like they are trying to convince you that they don't work for it.

SeabassP said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:17:00 PM  

I can't wait for a measurement. During the Packers-Cowboys game, their yellow line was at least a half yard off every single time.

RandomRanting said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:19:00 PM  

Randy Moss was too busy pushing off to catch the ball.

SeabassP said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:23:00 PM  

"How is cage fighting more popular than the NFL?"

That was a nice smack at UFC 79.

Anonymous said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:26:00 PM  

Coming up at halftime: the best of the NFL-N. Man, they just keep redefining "a 3-1/2 hour long commercial occasionally interrupted by a football game" don't they?

RandomRanting said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:28:00 PM  

Buddy Ryan needs to come down and punch some sense into Gilbride if he thinks relying on Eli is what the Giants do best.

Gibbon Jockey said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:29:00 PM  

Id rather cage-fight Rampage Jackson than listen to Brian Gumbel call a game any day.

SeabassP said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:29:00 PM  

Did Bumble just call Giants, the Jets?

kk3869 said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:30:00 PM  

Its about time that someone starts pushing around the Pats for the group of pansies they are.

SeabassP said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:33:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
RandomRanting said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:33:00 PM  

My God, the refs actually got a call almost right!

RandomRanting said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:34:00 PM  

Wow, just wow

kk3869 said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:35:00 PM  

...did Bumble just say that an attempt to poke someone in the eye was simply an attempt to "annoy"? Can someone please poke him in the eye?

RandomRanting said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:35:00 PM  

"I doubt if anyone in the stands is saying, 'Is anyone going to play in this game?'" -BG

Well, Gumble, I don't think they'd ask that, since it's already half time and that question has been answered.

Chase said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:40:00 PM  

...oh yeah, and can anyone tell me why the NFL-N has no time outs remaining or Flag indicators?

RandomRanting said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:40:00 PM  

Gumbel just said that the NFL Network will be replaying all NFL playoff games the next week. Wow, what an incentive to bye the channel- watch replays of games you can get for free.

Fairplay said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:40:00 PM  

tbh NFL replay isn't bad during the regualr season, but yeah its useless during the playoffs

kk3869 said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:45:00 PM  

fairplay beat me to it...

NFL Self Promotion is reaching the Frank TV level.

Dec 29, 2007, 9:46:00 PM  

Award-winning?!?!?!?!

Chase said...
Dec 29, 2007, 9:50:00 PM  

Gumbel just referred to the Rockefeller Center as the "Rock Center"

Anonymous said...
Dec 29, 2007, 10:02:00 PM  

good to see Gumbel following the lead of Nantz and announcing an injured player with a complete body part.

Anonymous said...
Dec 29, 2007, 10:15:00 PM  

"We haven't heard much from Wes Welker tonite" - CC

uh, Chris, at the time he was responsible for over half the receiving yards.

edit: and now you're really hearing from him.

Gibbon Jockey said...
Dec 29, 2007, 10:15:00 PM  

Somewhat related question: Can anyone tell me why no one in the media blasted whoever it was on the Pats that said "We've shown we can run the ball" after the Jets game given that running on the Jets isn't exactly an accomplishment?

RandomRanting said...
Dec 29, 2007, 10:17:00 PM  

"That's not a penalty the way he's doing it, [ball deflected] then he makes contact. Good call." -CC

Good analysis, Chris.

Chase said...
Dec 29, 2007, 10:19:00 PM  

"He (Wes Welker) is one of the unsung heroes of the National Football League." - CC

Really Chris?

Gibbon Jockey said...
Dec 29, 2007, 10:20:00 PM  

Patriots losing vs. Mercury Morris shutting up... I can't decide...

I guess it looks like I won't have to, if the Patriots have another drive or two like that.

Anonymous said...
Dec 29, 2007, 10:21:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dec 29, 2007, 10:24:00 PM  

There's the Unstoppable Eli I know.

Chase said...
Dec 29, 2007, 10:27:00 PM  

Can someone, ANYONE, please tell me why no one ever tries to jam Randy Moss at the line after the Ravens showed how effective it is to jam Randy Moss at the line?

RandomRanting said...
Dec 29, 2007, 10:48:00 PM  

The question is: Who gets the record breaking ball?

Chase said...
Dec 29, 2007, 10:49:00 PM  

Did I just see that right? Did the Giant get flagged because a Pats player talked and talked, and then tripped because he was too busy jawing to turn around and watch where he's going?

RandomRanting said...
Dec 29, 2007, 10:53:00 PM  

I'm pretty sure that after that pick, Bryant just said "Patriots ballgame!"

Feisty sunovabitch, isn't he?

Willmott said...
Dec 29, 2007, 10:58:00 PM  

"Suddenly everything is going New England's way."

Everything includes penalty calls.

Chase said...
Dec 29, 2007, 10:58:00 PM  

How many times has Gumbel said

"This would be a huge stop for the Giants"

? I think I've got the count up to eight. The Giants have actually stopped the Pats converting one of those eight times.

Sorry, Nine, Maroney just walked into the endzone.

Tom said...
Dec 29, 2007, 11:04:00 PM  

You ever watch a game with someone else's annoying 11 year old who asks too many questions? That's how I feel watching a game with BG working the booth.

htown said...
Dec 29, 2007, 11:21:00 PM  

that game was booked better than most WWF pay per views.

odessasteps said...
Dec 29, 2007, 11:51:00 PM  

I watched the TD pass you were all "oh, that has to be offensive pass interference" over on NFL.com, and... if it was a pushoff, the defender was doing it too. I bet if it had been called you'd have heard Cris moaning about a "ticky-tack call".

Morgan Wick said...
Dec 30, 2007, 12:43:00 AM  

CC will be working with Tom Hammond on Wildcard Saturday again . . . not Bryant, right?

Anonymous said...
Dec 30, 2007, 12:57:00 AM  

Early game...I'd just like to say Jason Sehorn (working with Chris Meyers) sounds like a robot. Maybe the FOX-bot?

Dec 30, 2007, 1:10:00 PM  

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