So I says to Mabel I says...I'll finish this later.

Are you f'ing kidding me, you're cmparing that wuss to Willis Reed?

Face it....we suck!!!

Phil's giving the arthritis Shocker.

She did Playboy for Christ sakes, why would I leave that? You all saw the tits, I can palm them like this!

Mr. Shorofsky tries to explain his coaching strategy

So I was telling Walton that it wasn't just a little light man, it was WAAAY light, and that I really didn't fucking appreciate being shorted...then I hit him in the knee with a pipe wrench.

Why does everyone keep asking me stupid questions about Coors Light?

And that happened.

So I was hold the crystal skull like this when it started making some high pitched noise and all of the metal in the room started coming towards me.

Phil Jackson announces that, similarities aside, he in fact does not do chicken right.

/obscure?

"I've never seen such officiating. At least not AGAINST my team."

So what's the deal with airline food?

"blah blah blah...triangle offense...blah blah blah"

Like I said, if it weren't for bad officiating, I would be the only undefeated coach in the history of the NBA!

Yes, I'm the one who gave Mike Breen the idea of growing the evil goatee. What? He shaved it off? Great, he's on the Celtics bandwagon too!

I'd rather get swept than listen to Jackson and Van Gundy.

and then I tell Jordan that he should go play baseball...

I really wish Janie would not insist on doing my prostate exam during press conferences

If we lose this series, Kobe is not going to complain one bit this summer. Because he and I are going to spend it on an ashram in New Zealand, questing after truth.

Do I have to throw Jordan in Kobe's number to get an obscene call on the road? Huh? Huh?

I did have sexual relations with that woman...Miss Buss.

Well of course their requests for subsidies was not paraguayan in and of it is as it were the United States government would never have if the president, our president, had not and as far as I know that's the way it will always be. Is that clear?

Buddha never taught about ref's.

yes, yes our defense was like my hair, very thin

Phil Jackson: I know the criticism's coming, people saying - "Coach, you've never won a ring without Michael or the Big Deez." I'm prepared for that.

Bill Plaschke: Excuse me coach, the Big Deez?

Phil Jackson: Yes Bill, as in, "Look how big DEEEEEEZ NUTZZZZ look on yo' chin!"

Yeah, well, Shaq's running around in a jockey suit right now, so give me SOME credit.