Maybe I should have traded in for the upgrade.

OK, girls, perk up!! I paid good money for you, now it's time for you to do your job!

Sadly, Katie just HAD to hit puberty so late and in the most awkward situation.

"What are THESE????"

Oh god, I hope Norv Turner likes these....

Holy crap! They're real!

EEW! I didn't get it all off after he came by on his lunch break.

"What the... how the hell did Belichik get a camera man in there?"

"Teats don't fail me now!"

Shawne Merriman is somewhat disturbed by the results of his last training "regimen".

"I may need to rely on you two later if my dancing isn't up to par."

It was at that moment when Rachael Ray started to wonder what she'd gotten herself into

"I know my better is better than her better!"

"These sure as hell aren't going to cut it on the casting couch, better unhinge my jaw"

Someone in Southern Wisconsin, plaintive sobbing is heard as a father sees this photograph and discovers just how much of a whore his daughter had become.

I think I can, i think I can, I think I can

"Dammit, I wish I had more in common with Kim Kardashian than her face. Oh, but not that getting-peed-on thing"

And so in next year's try outs, they'll be out to here.

I knew it was a bad idea to put my bus pass down there...

Wonder Twin Powers...Activate!!

Yup, still there.

You know that Eva Longoria has hit rock bottom when she lacks confidence in a cheerleader audition.

(BTW: Fred Morlan had me in stitches with the Double Dare line...I could see Marc Summers yelling "Stick your fingers in there...in where?")

All right girls, 36-double-dees on three on three, ready break!

What was I thinking? Nobody wants to see real ones anymore!

"Dear God, Thank you for maps, such as US American and The Iraq. Thank you for my dancing talent, such as...and most of all thank you for my rack, such as my bosoms."

Let's have sex, then go dancing, err, shopping.

S-s-s-s-Ah-ah-ahnnnnnn

D-d-ddyyyeee--egg-ggo

Ch-ch-chah-chahrrrr

gh-gh-gherrzzzzz

Inflate to 70 psi?

So THERE'S the valley of the dolls!

I look there for guidance too.

Phew. Still there.

What do they mean they're not fake enough?

A sex offender recently took away the cheerleader's boobs, but Jamele Hill thinks it serves her right for making a fool out of herself with the "Shawne Merriman light's out dance routine she had planned."

Ok ladies, you don't like me and I don't like you, but together we can do this!

I'm good enough, i'm smart enough, and doggoneit my tits are glorious!

Ok puppies...go get LaDainian!!

Feet don't fail me now. Oh wait, these aren't my feet.

*sigh* Man when will Shawne's steroids that he injected me with kick in?

Chyna got a breast reduction

I thought I was getting a Pearl Necklace and now I'm stuck with puss and cheese.

THANKS A LOT RON MEXICO!

Now where did that ice cube go?

That's what I'd do if I had 'em too.

I hope the judges don't see my tattoo of Stan Humphries' face.

No I'm not Angela Keathley. I've never cheered for the Carolina Panthers. My name is...ahh...Victoria Secret.

Not pictured: Jamal Williams walks by in Under Armour, makes all the girls jealous.

Ugh, fat Chris Berman was drooling on these last night...well, at least I got 5 grand for it.

Just when she needed it the most, Sarah's Reebok Pump Athletic Bra fails her.

Philip Rivers has the neatest handwriting!

I'm not sure how my ability to catch objects in my shirt has any bearing on how good of a cheerleader I am...

Doh... this is one of those "try and touch your elbows behind your back" schemes. Damn you AJ Smith!

Go Go Gadget Titties!

"You no help me now, I say fuck you, Jobu, I do it myself."

Yes Twins, this is the same team which drafted Ryan Leaf and didn't give him a chance, but that's no reason to deflate on me NOW.

Well I don't see why I have to take my top off to audition, but I really need the money, so if you insist...

Lisa Simmons is such a bitch, I can't even use these things to persuade her.

"Where did they go? They were here yesterday!!!"

Miracle grow my ass.

Herschel Walker's Personality #11 admires her nice rack.

Should I bring sexy back? WWJD?

Damn inverted nipple! I HATE YOU!!!

"Hey! Eyes up here ya damn narcissist!"

"Calm down, girls, daddy will be here in a minute."

"I wonder if my new headlights turn themselves off."

"It's a little nipply in here."

Too many funny ones here for me to even add to them. The Rachel Ray one was a hooter, er, hoot.

"Oh, the nipple hair? It's a mexican thing."

"What's that Stokke bitch got that I ain't got?"

"I love the smell of boob sweat in the morning."

"Wow, there really IS something to be said for letting these puppies breathe! Silly me, I thought all those pervs just wanted a peek at the twins!"