Normally I give you both of the Sunday and Monday Countdowns in this spot but Sunday NFL Countdown is so ridiculous that it needed it's own space. Here's the list before I go into the details on each feature: Bill Belichick's Sweatshirt, All-Access with the Ravens, Cowboys Gameplan, Moss vs T.O., Takin it To The House With Jason Krause, Soundtracks- The Best of Moss and Owens, The Mayne Event- Brady's Shoulder......and my personal favorite......It's Not Easy Being Green.

Let's get into each shall we?

1. Bill Belicheat's Sweatshirt- This piece is about how coaches are identifiable by their wardrobe. Think Landry's Hat and Gibbs' Sweaters. Well Rachel Nichols, with the help of Patriots' players and Boston Globe style editor Hayley Kaufman, will analyze Bill's fashion statement and the lore of the infamous sweatshirt. (No word on whether the Sports Gal is featured)

2. All-Acess with the Ravens- Bob Holtzman traveled with the Ravens to San Francisco last week and gives an in-depth report on a game that ended 9-7. (I watched Hard Knocks so I think I'll skip this one)

3. Cowboys' Gameplan- Who other than ex-'Boys coach Bill Parcells will give us what he thinks the Cowboys' plan of attack will be?(#1 on the list, resign Drew Bledsoe)

4. Moss vs T.O. Who other than Keyshawn Johnson to show us how each receiver plans to get open against the other's defense (Or how to take plays off and not block to save up for that one deep pass from Romo that gets picked off)

5. Takin' It To The House With (10-year old) Jason Krause- Awww Jason Krause's Fantasy Team sucks. He's going to tell you what went wrong during the draft and that he's "Mortified". (Hopefully Mortified means he listened to a breaking news report that Tom Brady was out for the season, dropped him and picked up Matt Cassel)

6. The Mayne Event- Brady's Shoulder- Why has Tom Brady been on the injury report for 67 straight weeks with a bad shoulder? Kenny Mayne has the answer! (I guarantee Kenny Mayne will name the injury "The Bundchen")

And perhaps the best segment ever.......

7. It's Not Easy Being Green- ESPN sends Kermit the Frog out on the streets of NY and Philly to get gut reactions to the start of the Jets and Eagles' seasons.

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Kermit the Frog......

What if I told you ahead of time that I made all these up? You would think I'm some genius of satire and that KSK should hire me as their 15th reporter. Well I promise you.....these are all true.

Kermit the Frog......

All true.

Here's your bulleted Monday Night Countdown features, which I need to type in this spot before my head explodes. They are surprisingly not nearly is idiotic as Sunday's....

- Soundtracks with Tom Coughlin
- Eli Manning Interview
- Jimmy Kimmel Live on set
- Boiling Points with Ditka and Parcells