The Pam Ward Chronicles Week 9

Saturday, October 27, 2007


Welcome back to our weekly installment of The Pam Ward Chronicles. I'm going to be keeping track of the Announcing Quotes throughout the day and I ask that you join in. Please leave any that you come across in the comments or feel free to email me at AwfulAnnouncing@Gmail.com.

There's no Pam today, so we're playing a man down. I'm pretty sure Andre Ware will step it up for the early game and I'll need your help the rest of the day. Enjoy your Saturday, and be sure to check out the other goodness below this post.

Your College Football Announcing Schedule: Week Nine
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Chris Spielman was in rare form last night, and I actually enjoyed the Friday Night game without screaming at him. He even made me LOL at one point.

"Kenny Chesney hooked up with Tim Tebow."- Chris Fowler

Not a good choice of words there. Do you think Peyton is jealous???

Gameday Sign of the Day:


And here's our first video submission of the day. Don't think Todd McShay was quite ready for his spot. Live TV is sooooo tough, and this one didn't go well from the start.....



A whaaaaaaaa????

"My nipples are bleeding."- Tom Arnold talking Iowa Football

""I don't think I've ever seen this much speed on the field by both teams." Paul McGuire (Via Gangsta D)

"Tom Arnold from Ottumwa, Iowa -- his movie career turned about as successful as Robert Gallery's pro career." - Dave Pasch, after a segment proclaiming Arnold the Iowa Hawkeyes' biggest fan. ZING! (Via S2N)

Oh I got video of that coming. Burrrrrrn.

"The Fab Five had their championships vacated."- Dave Pasch What championships? (Via Anon)

Great point.

"I shook his hand and almost broke my fingers."- Paul Maguire
"Johnny almost Dingled you there."- Brad Nessler

Ewww Brad.

"The only player in the Big East to win a Heisman Trophy? Trick question: Gino Torretta for Miami in 1992."- Brad Nessler
"But Miami wasn't in the Big East at the time."- Bob Griese
"Yes they were."- Brad Nessler
(Via Anon)

"He's seeing double right now. Just like Maguire on Thursday night." - Brad Nessler (Via S2N)

"This is just a reminder, but there really isn't a yellow line on the field at the first down marker."- Dave Lamont (Via Dollar Dollar Bill)

"You have the right to ask for a measurement at any time. And any time it's close, I think it's beneficiary to bring that chain out and just take a look at it." - Tim Brandt (Via Barry)

....."and when you throw to him and he runs into the official and BOOM...(pause)...goes the dynamite."- Verne Lundquist (Via Dummy and Chaz)

"You cut yourself shaving, you bleed for a week" - Gary Danielson (Via Smed)

"Can you get it up every week. . . consistently?"- Craig James (Via Kyle)

Paraphrasing somewhat: "That scoring drive for Florida was like the story of the scorpion and the turtle. The scorpion asks the turtle for a ride across the river and promises not to sting him. The turtle accepts because the scorpion says 'If I sting you, we both die because I will drown.' Midway across, the scorpion stings the turtle, who turns asks 'Why?' The scorpion says 'It's what I do.'"- Gary Danielson (Via Kyle)

"He listened to Daddy."- Brent Musburger

"And he handles it at the thirteen."- Gary Thorne
(Camera shows the ball bouncing out of the endzone)
"Or rather in the endzone."- Gary Thorne

"They look like a contender for number one."- Brent Musburger on Ohio State

Umm....they are number one Brett. In every poll.

"That wasn't whistle that was a rim rocker."- Brent Musburger

"I think Ohio State will be one, Boston College will be two, and LSU will be at three."- Kirk Herbstreit

NO REALLY?!?!?!?! That's what they're ranked now Kirk....way to go out on a limb.

"And South Carolina is going to take this to overtime. I'm going to have to think about what is happening in Britney Spears' live before we come back." - Mike Patrick
"I wonder if she's watching tonight." - Todd Blackledge
"I think she just bought a new double wide." - Mike Patrick

WINNAH! (Via Unreliable)

"They're not going to get a lot of pressure on a continuous basis unless they're bringing pressure." -- James Hasty (Via J-Red)

Corso: "I've got Boston College in at #5 because I had to get someone from the Big East in my Top 5."
Fowler: "You know they're in the ACC?"
Corso: "Someone from the East Coast. They should be in the Big East."
(Via Anon)

39 Comments:

There's no Pam today, so we're playing a man down.

That right there is the line of the week.

Steve said...
Oct 27, 2007, 11:10:00 AM  

Glad you caught onto that one this early Steve.

Oct 27, 2007, 11:18:00 AM  

"I don't think I've ever seen this much speed on the field by both teams." Paul McGuire

Apparently while Paul was doing NFL games in the 90's, he was unaware that Miami and FSU played each other.

Gangsta D said...
Oct 27, 2007, 12:10:00 PM  

Was it me or did it look like Brad Nessler had a black right eye?
Maybe he was trying to extend Breast Awareness Month...

Anonymous said...
Oct 27, 2007, 12:12:00 PM  

"Tom Arnold from Ottumwa, Iowa -- his movie career turned about as successful as Robert Gallery's pro career." - Dave Pasch, after a segment proclaiming Arnold the Iowa Hawkeyes' biggest fan. ZING!

Signal to Noise said...
Oct 27, 2007, 12:14:00 PM  

Dave Pasch: "The Fab Five had their championships vacated." What championships?

Anonymous said...
Oct 27, 2007, 12:14:00 PM  

In the Rutger's game: Griese, you got a wet ball!

Smitty Lite said...
Oct 27, 2007, 12:31:00 PM  

I'm sure Nessler, Maguire, and Griese taped that whole segment with them in Three Stooges masks, but it's entirely appropriate.

Signal to Noise said...
Oct 27, 2007, 12:51:00 PM  

I'm a little behind in the iowa game, and just saw the Tom Arnold thing. DISTURBING.

Smitty Lite said...
Oct 27, 2007, 12:55:00 PM  

Nessler: "The only player in the Big East to win a Heisman Trophy? Trick question: Gino Torretta for Miami in 1992."
Griese: "But Miami wasn't in the Big East at the time."
Nessler: "Yes they were."

Anonymous said...
Oct 27, 2007, 1:25:00 PM  

After a nasty hit leaves the WVU defender woozy:

"He's seeing double right now. Just like Maguire on Thursday night." - Nessler

Signal to Noise said...
Oct 27, 2007, 2:52:00 PM  

From the UMD-Clemson game:

"This is just a reminder, but there really isn't a yellow line on the field at the first down marker."

No, really??!?!

Dollar said...
Oct 27, 2007, 3:59:00 PM  

^^^ Forgot to mention that this nugget of wisdom was provided by announcer Dave LaMont.

Dollar said...
Oct 27, 2007, 4:00:00 PM  

"both offensive coordinators are changing their game plans already as the quartebacks are having problems with their ballistics and keeping their spirals tight". - David Norrie

Steve said...
Oct 27, 2007, 4:23:00 PM  

"You cut yourself shaving, you bleed for a week" - Gary Danielson. I didn't realize he was a hemophilliac!

Smed said...
Oct 27, 2007, 5:07:00 PM  

"Boom...goes the dynamite." Verne Lundquist

Gangsta D said...
Oct 27, 2007, 6:34:00 PM  

I think you called me "Dummy" on the blog, unless someone else is Dummy and beat me to it. :)

Dollar said...
Oct 27, 2007, 6:45:00 PM  

Actual quote from Craig James, "Can you get it up every week. . . consistently?"

Kyle said...
Oct 27, 2007, 7:54:00 PM  

Hi Kyle, I'm Kyle. Good call on Craig James.

Kyle said...
Oct 27, 2007, 8:15:00 PM  

Tim Brando during Florida-Georgia, giving highlight of Nebraska-Texas:

"At some point the famed Black Jersey defense was going to play like the Black Jersey defense of this year." (as Texas mounts comeback to go ahead)

Words aren't exact, except for the "Black Jersey" part...Timmy, they're the "Blackshirts". Shirt and jersey are synonymous, but what you said really isn't.

ryan said...
Oct 27, 2007, 8:23:00 PM  

Paraphrasing somewhat:

"That scoring drive for Florida was like the story of the scorpion and the turtle. The scorpion asks the turtle for a ride across the river and promises not to sting him. The turtle accepts because the scorpion says 'If I sting you, we both die because I will drown.' Midway across, the scorpion stings the turtle, who turns asks 'Why?' The scorpion says 'It's what I do.'"
- Danielson

Certainly one of the more surreal tangents I've ever heard a color commentator go off on.

Kyle said...
Oct 27, 2007, 8:29:00 PM  

Bottom line, quality, like I said, down field, tough football game, linebacker, boy like I said, bottom line, dislodged the football, I tell ya, shoulder, separation, momentum carries, I tell ya, good job, good job, good job, Sean Lee, good job, Kinlaw has good speed, good job, I tell ya, like I said, backfield, H back, good hard running, I tell ya, on. that. play., good job, tackling, seggin dahn, exactly, like I said, motion, I tell ya, as well, running the fooball, drives offensively, good, defensivley, makin some plays, pick up the load, situation, hard run, inta dat secindary, HUGE first dahn, boy I tell ya, knockin dahn, hustle, foot. ball, sideline, OHIO STATE FOOTBALL, pick up at the defensive end position, comin off tha edge that time, boy, I tell ya, mismatch, foohball, boy, from the outside linebagger positon, you talk about speed and hardnosed foohball, point of attack, get off tha blawk, formation, coveradge, right defensive end position, field position, SPECIAL TEAMS, reverse spin awn it, good job getting off the block, use your quickness, use your hands, good job, getting off tha blawk, boy, I tell ya, line of scrimmidge, boy that time, they got pressure, JUST enough for the first down.

Signed,
Jack "Dobre Shunka" Ham


Boy, I tell ya, I swear that's what he sounds like.

hollywood wags said...
Oct 27, 2007, 8:56:00 PM  

Don't have the exact quote, but during the fourth quarter of the KU-TAMU game, Bob Davie repeatedly discussed TAMU's LOSS to Nebraska last week.

Jared said...
Oct 27, 2007, 9:53:00 PM  

In the OSU-PSU game:

Why is it that professionals consistently do not know the rules of the game? It comes up at least once every game that a receiver MUST maintain possession of the ball if he goes to the ground, and yet every week they act like a clear incompletion is a catch because they had control of the ball when they hit the ground. Is it too much to ask to get a basic explanation of this rule? They act like people are idiots 99% of the time, and then misrepresent rules and prove that they are idiots the rest. God I hate Brent Musberger, and Herbstreit should know better.

ryanpvance said...
Oct 27, 2007, 10:15:00 PM  

during the KU/A&M game, KU got called for offsides and Bob Davie said (maybe slightly paraphrased), "KU is #2 in the nation in...they have had the second fewest penalties called on them...they're the second most penalized team in the country. Did I get that out right?" The other guy said, "yes, you did" despite the fact that what Davie said made no sense at all. Then a minute later they showed a chart for penalties/game and KU was #2 (as in second fewest penalties per game). At this point, Davie felt compelled to ridicule penalties/game for being an over rated stat since #1 was Iowa St. and LSU/USC/Florida were down in the hundreds. Of course, no one ever mentions that stat when talking about good teams because, obviously, it doesn't matter that much. Also, Rock Chalk Jayhawk

Anonymous said...
Oct 27, 2007, 10:52:00 PM  

Mike Patrick - "Tofu's a doorstop." What? How's Britney, Mike?

Smed said...
Oct 27, 2007, 11:08:00 PM  

Arizona State girls just can't put down that notoriety of being the most morally questionable ladies of the nation.

http://img142.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=41314_asu_slUts_122_123lo.JPG

Oct 27, 2007, 11:17:00 PM  

During Tenn-SC game:

"Captain Munnerlyn just made a major interception and he gets a battlefield promotion." - Mike Patrick

Anonymous said...
Oct 27, 2007, 11:21:00 PM  

"I am going to have to see what is going on in Britney Spears' life before we come back." - Mike Patrick

Anonymous said...
Oct 27, 2007, 11:22:00 PM  

Patrick and Blackledge just talked about the Britney thing. Patrick - "She's got a new doublewide!"

Smed said...
Oct 27, 2007, 11:23:00 PM  

hahah Mike Patrick just made fun of himself with a nother britney spears reference he said something like "maybe i need to ask about Britneys life again."

GusJohnsonForGod said...
Oct 27, 2007, 11:24:00 PM  

"And South Carolina is going to take this to overtime. I'm going to have to think about what is happening in Britney Spears' live before we come back." - Mike Patrick

"I wonder if she's watching tonight." - Todd Blackledge

"I think she just bought a new double wide." - Mike Patrick

Oct 27, 2007, 11:25:00 PM  

"and i'm going to have to think about what's going on in britney spears' life... She's got a new double wide I heard..."

Glad to know they're paying attention to the end of the Tenn-SC game.

Phil said...
Oct 27, 2007, 11:25:00 PM  

I love listening to Mike Patrick-called games because anymore he's just so over-the-top.

Kyle said...
Oct 27, 2007, 11:37:00 PM  

"They're not going to get a lot of pressure on a continuous basis unless they're bringing pressure." -- James Hasty

From Maryland-Clemson on ABC this afternoon.

J-Red said...
Oct 28, 2007, 1:51:00 AM  

On the days' wrap-up for the GameDay gang from State College, Lee Corso said of his Top 5:
Corso: "I've got Boston College in at #5 because I had to get someone from the Big East in my Top 5."
Fowler: "You know they're in the ACC?"
Corso: "Someone from the East Coast. They should be in the Big East."
Corso & Herbstreit were both campaigning for the Pac-10 to sign a deal with ESPN to "be seen."

Anonymous said...
Oct 28, 2007, 2:05:00 AM  

That's at least twice this season Corso has mentioned BC being in the Big East.

Interesting thought about the Pac-10 signing with ESPN. How dare one of the majors spurn the WWL! In fact, Fox Sports Net is on about 5 different regional sports networks on my cable, so I had no trouble seeing USC-Oregon, etc.

Anonymous said...
Oct 28, 2007, 10:23:00 AM  

I was stunned yesterday when I got a chance to see all three games; I don't have the sports tier, and FSN games here are usually pre-empted by college hockey and high school girls' volleyball.

Anonymous said...
Oct 28, 2007, 12:31:00 PM  

FSN could hit Pac-10 football out of the park if it wasn't, well...FOX. So often a Pac-10 game gets blacked out for poker or some other silliness as anon points out.

Kyle said...
Oct 28, 2007, 1:31:00 PM  

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