AI: "Do you know where you are, 'Melo?"

CA: "No clue. Got any Doritos?"

Damn Melo - Did you just burp up vodka?

A.I. - You may want to hire a personal driver, 'Melo. I hear Rod Strickland works cheap.

listen...what happens in my truck in the parking lot, stays in my truck in the parking lot

You done put two of America's
most wanted in the same
motherfuckin place at the same
motherfuckin time...

"Listen, AI, last night was magical. But it's not that I don't love you, I just gotta go."

Wait, you mean we gotta actually get into the game? Maaaaaan.

Who said we wouldn't be able to work well together?

AI: Ok Melo, now the other arm..yeah, that's it! Now we pull our shirts over like this.. (Meanwhile, unsuspecting Melo is about to have his green gatorade bottle of vodka swiped by a Mormon behind him)

Did the cops drive you back to your house after you threw a chair AI?

AI- Nigga for the last time I don't wanna get drunk and drive around with you. It's almost the god damn playoffs.

Melo- You tryin' to get high and drive around then?

We talkin bout drinkin, man. Not drivin. Not drivin. Not the actual drivin, when it matters. We talkin bout drinkin at my house tonight. What are we talkin bout, man? Drivin?

This warmup would be sooooooooo much easier to put on sober.

AI- What did you say Melo?

Melo- Nothing, man. Seriously!

AI- No. I heard you. I think I know what you said. I just want you to say it to my face.

Melo- I wasn't thinking.

AI- What was it?

Melo- I just said we need to practice for the Lakers.

AI- Practice? You do not want to talk about the game. You want to talk about practice? Not the game. Not, Not the game. Practice? Etc.......

Melo , quietly to himself - I need a drink. :-)

CA: Check out this Tweetie bird tat on my left shoulder.

AI: Tweetie bird? We're sitting here, and we supposed to be the franchise players, and we're talking about Tweetie Bird. I mean listen, we're sitting here talking about Tweetie Bird, not Calvin, not a dreamcatcher, not a tribal tattoo, but we're talking about Tweetie Bird. Not the tat that I go out there and die for and show off every game like it's my last but we're talking about Tweetie Bird man. How silly is that?

If we switch uniforms maybe the cops won't figure out who we are. You know they say we all look alike.

AI - "Relax, baby, it's natural"

If I can't drink and drive, I can't drink and drive. It is as simple as that. It ain't about that at all. It's easy to sum it up if you're just talking about drinking and driving. We're sitting here, and I'm supposed to be the franchise player, and we're talking about drinking and driving. I mean listen, we're sitting here talking about drinking and driving, not a game, not a game, not a game, but we're talking about drinking and driving. Not the game that I go out there and die for and play every game last it's my last but we're talking about drinking and driving man. How silly is that?

Now I know that I'm supposed to lead by example and all that but I'm not shoving that aside like it don't mean anything. I know it's important, I honestly do but we're talking about drinking and driving. We're talking about drinking and driving man. (laughter from the media crowd) We're talking about drinking and driving. We're talking about drinking and driving. We're not talking about the game. We're talking about drinking and driving. When you come to the arena, and you see me play, you've seen me play right, you've seen me give everything I've got, but we're talking about drinking and driving right now. (more laughter)

"Fuck it dude, let's go bowling"

Don't hassle it, Melo. I'll drive and you navigate.

(Sorry, I'm on an 80s movie kick lately.)

Field Sobriety tests? You talkin' about field sobriety tests?

AI: Yea, Coach Karl said if he has to read one more thing about him at FireGeorgeKarl.com he's gonna give someone a full nelson.

Melo: What is that?

AI: Like this...

So, uh....AI....uh....think I could get a ride?

"So...I'll call you sometime?"

"Uhhh...I'm really busy next week. I'm sure I'll see you out."

"Oh, ok. Sure you don't want to.."

"Leave before this gets awkward."

Iverson - This is how you put on the orange jumpsuit.

Carmelo - You think I can still wear keep my number?

AI: Melo, dude behind you has the weed. Just be cool and reach over your left shoulder.

I told you that coach was gonna do us like Baron.

Iverson - "Hey, you got a new tattoo!"
Anthony - "What's it say?"
Iverson - "AI" ... "Hey, you got one too!"
Anthony - "What's it say?"
Iverson - "Fucked me"
Anthony - "AI"
Iverson - "Fucked Me!"

In unison - "AI FUCKED ME!"

AI: So what if you should've won ROY, Philly robbed me of my entire prime, they had me a chokehold like this.

Melo (smirking): Man, I'm still drunk as hell.

AI: Bruh, does it look like I give a fuck?

CA: So you ain't saying nothin

AI: Man, I'm supposed to be the bad influence

CA: Huh?

AI: I'm the hard one, you're soft!

CA: Man, did you have to go there about last night? I told you, I normally don't have that problem.

AI: Man, stop looking at me that way, people gonna think you're like Amaechi.

CA: Man, have you seen my lady?

AI: Exactly!

AI: "Say Geeves old chap, Tawanna and I had a smashing good time at the polo match last fortnight. Shall we book another engagement for the morrow?"

Melo: "Right so, my good man. We shall discuss it over tea and crumpetts."

Anything you can do, I can do better.