8:47 - Southern Miss is the Golden Eagles. Why is their mascot brown?

8:49 - Ohio throws the ball deep, the quarterback is hit on the throw, Thorne freaks out, and the ball falls incomplete, fifteen yards away from the receiver. Good times.

8:53 - "When I took the job, I had every ambition that I would rule the world." - Monster.com commercial - I felt the same way when I started working at McDonald's.

8:54 - Andre Ware riding in a convertible, throwing beads. Insert joke here: ___________.

8:55 - "I thought I was gonna need rotator cuff surgery after throwing all those beads." - Ware - pretty much sums up his post-college career in one sentence.

8:56 - "Anonymous said...Are you seriously live-blogging this game? God help you."

You better believe it! (Please pray for me.)

8:58 - "Weakley had one reception on the year coming in, so now he has two." - Nance.

8:59 - "He's had an ankle problem." - Thorne (who I mistakenly referred to as Nance about three seconds ago) - nothing wrong with this. It's refreshing to hear him add the word "problem" (injury is also acceptable) after "ankle".

9:00 - Southern Miss caps off a 90 yard drive with a 43 yard touchdown run from freshman back Tory Harrison to open the scoring: 7-0, Southern Miss. And so ends my dream of a scoreless tie.

9:02 - "Sam T said...are you sure that was not a chad pennington quote?"

See Sam - this is why you're a beloved commenter. Comedy gold.

9:03 - I think I know the answer to the AFLAC trivia question. In case you're having trouble, Andre Ware is here to help: "I'll give you a hint: he's a good one...he's a really good one."

9:07 - Great...not only is the girl in the AFLAC commercial hurt and not able to work, she now has a duck-shaped hole in the wall of her apartment. Thanks a lot, AFLAC duck.

9:15 - Almost a great play by Ohio's T.J. Wright, but he can't keep the feet inbounds while trying for the interception. Doesn't matter to Gary Thorne, who issues an orgasmic "WHOA" when the play happens live.

9:16 - Touchdown, Southern Miss - Damion Fletcher dives in from a couple yards out. I've done a complete 180, from rooting for a scoreless tie to rooting for a horrific blowout. I want Frank Solich in tears on the Ohio sideline. I want him to feel the same pain as everyone currently watching this game.

9:21 - BCS final preparations at halftime? Why? What about this game we have on right now? Doesn't it mean anything to you people?!

9:21 - Did anyone else, like me for example, initially think the GMAC and International Bowls had more significance than they actually do just because of how late they are being held? Oh, of course not, me either - I was speaking in generalities.

9:23 - Southern Miss interception, touchdown, Golden Eagles on top 21-0.

9:24 - Oh yeah, I was right about the AFLAC trivia question: it was LaDainian Tomlinson, who was the MVP of the GMAC Bowl in 2000.

9:29 - Alright, ladies and gents: that's the end of the first half. I'm gonna go eat some cake and attempt to write something for my own site and/or amusement, so let's just agree to meet back here in, oh, I don't know, fifteen minutes? Sound good? Good. See you then.