2007-2008 NFL Season Announcing Preview: NFL on Fox

Friday, August 10, 2007

Last Year's "Very Detailed" Preview

The NFL on Fox never disappoints. You're guaranteed a stellar effort by Pam Oliver (see: two posts ago), a boring interview from Chris Meyers, at least 10 Philadelphia Eagles games, Robots doing weird things after a touchdown, a ton of bad/smarmy jokes from Joe Buck, and Troy Aikman trying to ignore them and actually talk about Football and the game that's ACTUALLY being played (run-on sentences are for the truly cool).

The Studio Show hasn't changed in years either. The same jokes and the same ribbings are taking place, but this time with Curt Menefee at the helm.

You know what the NFL on Fox reminds me of? That drunk Uncle you have that gets hammered every single family outing. The cool one that bought you Bowman's Vodka when you were young, but now his act is getting kind of boring as you get older. His wife (Pam Oliver) is fed up with the whole thing and is just waiting until he dies (her contract runs out) to move to Fort Meyers, Florida and play golf (work for ABC).

The whole show was pretty fun in the beginning, but now it's predictable and stale (Just like when you're drunk uncle tells that real awkward racist/sexist story at Thanksgiving).

So what's the good news? Well, the best part about FOX is that you can actually tell they care about Football. Every other Network has someone that you could say doesn't even remotely pretend like they like the Sport at all (Al Michaels, Bryant Gumbel, Tony Kornheiser, etc.). And say what you will about Joe Buck (and I have)...he really cares about the sports he is covering. As stupid as that whole "Randy Moss: Disgusting Act" thing was...the only reason he flipped out was because he thought the mooning was belittling the game of Football.

Troy Aikman is probably the best analyst in football, but he needs to lighten up a bit. When a team is up 42-3 in the 4th, it's okay to joke on the Buffalo Fan with no shirt passed out in the first row.

Pam Oliver should be the host of the Studio Show. Nothing against Curt Menefee, but Pamela is the one sideline reporter I wouldn't fire if I was God for a day (sorry Erin Andrews fans). Now I'm not sure if she was offered it and didn't want it, but she should be anywhere but behind the gatorade coolers asking Terrell Owens if he enjoys playing in Dallas.

Chris Meyers....should be sent to NASCAR permanently (I'm just saying).

As far as the rest of the teams, I love Ron Pitts, love Vasgersian (Sorry STL) and Pearson, and I can't understand how Brian Baldinger still has a job. That about sums it up...except for the AA tradition of the "Announcing Preview Haiku". Feel free to add your own in the comments.

FOX on NFL Preseason Overall Grade: C+

Team #1- Joe Buck, Troy Aikman, Pam Oliver (Grade C+/B-...depending solely on Buck)

The Battle of Troy
Buck Into Domination?
Pam O Quits Week Two

Team #2- Kenny Albert, Daryl Johnston, Tony Siragusa (Grade C-)

Daryl adds nothing
Kenny also a biter?
Goose lost at buffet

Team #3- Matt Vasgersian, JC Pearson, Jay Glazer (Grade B+)

Jay Taps Out Pearson
Matt Thinks Rams Are Still L A
Ozarks Welcome You

Team #4- Dick Stockton, Brian Baldinger, Terry Donahue (Grade D+)

Fingers Are Missing
I Hear Texans Are Fun
Stock is demoted

Team #5- Sam Rosen, Tim Ryan (Grade C)

Bald Is Beautiful
Tim, Goatees Are Still Awesome
Wait, he'd kick my a**

Team #6- Ron Pitts, Jesse Palmer ((Grade A-)

Pittsy Still Buried
Will You Accept This Rose Now?
Say Hi To Frisco

Team #7- Thom Brenneman or Steve Byrnes or Pat Summerall or Matt Devlin or Josh Lewin, Barry Alvarez or Dale Hellestrae (Grade Incomplete)

Don't Know Where To Start
Largest. Broadcast Crew. Ever

Team #8- Brad Sham or Dan McLaughlin, Tony Boselli (Grade C)

Voice of the Cowboys
Boselli Is Still Alive?!?!?!
The McLaughlin Group


There you have it.....tell me where and how I'm wrong in the comments.

UPDATE: Just because an anonymous commenter has questioned the credibility of my information I wanted to provide one more link.....

Breaking News: FOX to Send Dick Stockton To Announcing Purgatory (Awful Announcing)

So, I have Breaking News from a source in at the end of May, and the Wikipedia page is updated with the exact same (cut and paste) in the middle of July. Yep, you're right....I lifted it. The whole thing. Can you figure out why? Because I f'ing wrote it...that's why.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 11:24 AM


Dammit, I miss Bill Maas already.

E Buzz said...
Aug 10, 2007, 1:33:00 PM  

Brad Sham was so lifeless in that Eagles/Bucs game.

TJX said...
Aug 10, 2007, 1:33:00 PM  

In honor of AA using haikus, I have my own for how he determined these crews. Only the first two have actually been announced, the rest is just random people mixing and matching.

Why, why use Wiki?
Wow, it's unreliable
Wait for press release.

Anonymous said...
Aug 10, 2007, 2:56:00 PM  

I have one for you Anon. But it's just one sentence...not a haiku....

Where do you think Wiki got the info from ass???

Breaking News: FOX to Send Dick Stockton To Announcing Purgatory

Thanks for playing friend.

Aug 10, 2007, 3:03:00 PM  

It's pretty amazing that my source gave me that info on May 25th (date of the post), and the Wiki page didn't add the 2007 section until July 19th. Hmm??

I will accept all apologies in this space or in written for at:

The All-Knowing Awful Announcing
P.O. Box 1234
Check Your Facts, US 12345


Aug 10, 2007, 3:10:00 PM  

"Dick Stockton, Brian Baldinger, Terry Donahue"

- Wow, that rolls off the tongue atrociously. The Crypt Keeper has seen better days.

Anonymous said...
Aug 10, 2007, 3:13:00 PM  

Tony Boselli?

Oh wait, I understand. Fox must have had to meet its mandatory quota of former USC football players

Anonymous said...
Aug 10, 2007, 3:45:00 PM  

Throw in Tony Miceli while they're at it

Anonymous said...
Aug 10, 2007, 4:03:00 PM  

Al Michaels not caring about football? Good one.

Pam Oliver being better than Erin Andrews? Another funny.

Ron Pitts and Jesse Palmer being Fox's best crew? That's the funniest one yet!

Unknown said...
Aug 10, 2007, 4:05:00 PM  

I agree...I'll take Pitts/Palmer over most of those guys any day.

Yeah, yeah...these guys aren't smug or glib (Buck), and they're not a bunch of nerds (Albert). They are relaxed yet knowledgable enough to ADD to the game, not distract from it.

Good job AA!!

Anonymous said...
Aug 10, 2007, 4:19:00 PM  

joe buck and his ad nauseum, ad infinitum tribute to nepotism... have you ever heard such a corporate sycophant spiel such oral diarhea? take a breath already!

Anonymous said...
Aug 10, 2007, 4:21:00 PM  

AA: 1
Anonymous D-bag: 0

Ray said...
Aug 10, 2007, 6:40:00 PM  

Say what you want about Fox. I just turned the Saints/Bills game on CBS, and I'm going to have to deal with Gus "I scream after a 4-yard gain like the guy just scored the game-winning touchdown in overtime of the Super Bowl" Johnson all night. Please give this guy a sedative. I'm begging you.

Anonymous said...
Aug 10, 2007, 8:05:00 PM  

"The other interesting tidbit is that this team might drop to 4th on the Announcing Depth Chart for next year. Matt Vasgersian and JC Pearson"

That's from your Stockton demotion post. I wasn't trying to insult you, just saying that I don't believe that those Wiki pages are that credible, even if they did copy it from you or you changed it. I've seen no confirmation anywhere about Matty V being bumped to the 3 team and Stockton being demoted all the way to 4, although it was rumored. If you have recieved confirmation about such a thing, I do apologize.

I wasn't even referring to that really, I was referring to the things such as Terry Donahue being added on to the Vasgersian/Pearson team for no real reason, the horrid way the 7th "team" is paired together, et al.

Again, nothing against you, moreso against Wiki. Your site is class.

Anonymous said...
Aug 10, 2007, 8:38:00 PM  

And by Donahue being added onto the Vasgersian/Pearson team, I meant the Stockton/Baldinger team.

Anonymous said...
Aug 10, 2007, 8:41:00 PM  

Post a Comment