(posted by OMDQ)

Every Sunday evening during baseball season, I turn to ESPN and fear that Joe Morgan will not say anything that makes me laugh out loud at its utter ridiculousness. (This fear generally goes away by the bottom of the first inning.)

The thing about baseball games is that I don't really pay close attention when I watch. I write, I read blogs, I feed the baby, I look at porn - there just aren't enough hours in my day to sit in front of the television and only watch a game. But this is why I love Joe Morgan, Jon Miller and ESPN Sunday Night Baseball: because even if I'm barely listening, there is still an 85% chance of catching something worth writing about.

Case in point: tonight's in-game interview with John Smoltz provided two absolute gems, and I didn't even watch the whole thing (note: I actually like the idea of doing these interviews with players instead of managers. The managers just want to get the hell out of there; though the Smoltz interview went a little long, you could tell that he was actually semi-interested in talking).

Smoltz and Joe started out talking about Tiger Woods and the conversation turned to Smoltz's handicap. He said he didn't want to divulge the number, prompting Joe to play hardball:

"Go ahead, tell the truth, I can look it up if I want."

If you read anything about Joe Morgan, whether it's on this site or Fire Joe Morgan, you know that the man does not look stuff up. It's against his very nature to admit that all the knowledge he will ever need is not inside his brain already. On the spectrum of empty threats, Joe Morgan saying, "I can look it up if I want" is Paris Hilton's head.

The golf talk continued, with Smoltz mentioning a tournament that he and a couple of teammates are playing in tomorrow. Small talk, small talk, small talk, then Joe decides to ask a question

"Jon, they invited me to play, did they invite you to play?"

immediately followed by five seconds of dead air as the two men he was talking to, both of whom are named John, tried to figure out which one should answer the question.

I knew you wouldn't fail me, Joe (and I haven't even mentioned the line that came from AA via Run Up The Score: "Starting pitching is most important...to a rotation."). You are my sunshine.

UPDATE from AA: Just wanted to add my personal favorite Joe moment of the night....

ESPN named ryan howard as the player of the game and Morgan said he'd give it to Jimmy Rollins because...

"I like to go with the infielder."

Read it again if you don't get it at first. This could probably be the worst thing he's ever said.