Thanks for stopping by everyone. I'll get this thing going right around 7pm. It's Ray! It's Chad! It's Mike, Jaws, and Tony! It's Monday Night Football!!!

Oh, and Ray ain't kill no Mother F***in' Lion!

"That tough Ravens Defense who features Willis McGahee on the Ground."- Chris Berman

"To me I think Willis McGahee should have a good night. He should surpass that 990 yards he had last year."- Emmitt Smith

Whoa......I should be good in fantasy then right?

"I know he's not a Cane or a Hokie, Emmitt, but what does Willis McGahee have to do to get off to a good start?"

Response from Emmitt Smith:

"He has to get off to a good start."- Via Liston

Hank's back and so is Brian Setzer and Gretchen Wilson.....we're about to get this underway.....

"Chad get your sexy into the endzone tonight!"- Tony K.

7:07- Suzy is looking pretty fetching tonight. I like the haircut....sassy. Kickoff coming after the break. Let's do this....

Sam Jackson intros the game with one of those boxing microphones in some weird room. That was kinda creepy. Welcome to the Jungle.

The 38th season of Monday Night Football is underway, and BJ Sams is blasted by the Bengals' Special Teams. McNair rolls out and throw an incomplete on first down. The Bengals swarm McNair on 2nd down and almost get a turnover....dangerous play by McNair but he wasn't going down.

Amazing catch by D. Williams....climbed the ladder on that one. Jaworski shows us the timing on the play and Kornheiser just talks over the top of him.

"Who's he throwing to Dirk Nowitzki next up?"- Tony Kornheiser

God he is so unfunny on these broadcasts.

7:15- McGahee gets his first carry and doesn't get much. McNair overthrows Mason and the Crows are punting.

"Korneheiser getting gushy over Chad Johnson mentions he's "not a narcissist like Owens." Then they cut to Chad wired going "Chad is ready. Chad is gonna give you a show."- Via Anon

Seriously....bad timing.

Sam Jackson: "Ray WANTS TO KILL You're Motherfucking ass!!!"- Oil Can Boyd

I would have gone with "Ray Lewis has a wallet....it's the one that says badass motherf**ker on it....but that works to OCB.

Bump to commercial is "Stronger" by Kanye West. At least it's this century.

7:23- Zippy for Rudi on 1st down and the Ravens defense looks ready to go. Nice catch by TJ Housh on 2nd down. I'm wishing Santana Moss could have made a couple of those yesterday.

Chad Johnson emulates Santana with a drop. Where was your sexy on that one Chad? Housh emulates Chad with a drop and the Bungles are punting. Ray Lewis also appears to have a stinger.

Good return by Sams and good field position for the Ravens.

"Carson knows those are the balls he's gotta get in Chad Johnson's hands."- Hollywood Wags

Ewwwwww.

7:30- Ray is definitely banged up after killing that Lion, and a turnover as the handoff is mishandled between McNair and McGahee.....and.....

ANOTHER COMMERCIAL! Sweet.

7:34- The Ravens look to be blitzing everyone on 3rd down, and it's incomplete. Carson Palmer is off early, and Ray Ray is heading to the locker room.

Graham misses a long FG attempt and Ed Reed tries to return it. Dumb lateral there, but they keep posession. Shayne Graham comes up gimpy after having to get in on the tackle. Uh oh.

7:37- ANOTHER FUMBLE! Ahmad Brooks (From?) Cincy recovers. Back to back fumbles and Tony and Jaws go at it.

TOUCHDOWN CHAD JOHNSON! Here comes the celebration. He goes off the field to not get a penalty. Way too long of a setup. And the extra point is blocked.

Umm....what just happened? Hahahahahahahahahaha. A future HOF jacket! That was actually pretty good!

6-0 Bengals

"We've replaced your regular Steve McNair with Jeff Blake. Let's see if anyone notices."- Anon

Hahaha....that's funny, I don't care who you are.

You know what's even more funny? ESPN missing the celebration. They hyped that up all week. Too funny.

7:43- Good call by Mike Tirico to point out that Ray Lewis has missed a ton of games after Tony made the "I'm too in shape to get hurt" line.

ANOTHER FUMBLE!! Good lord the Ravens look terrible.

Mike Tirico gets the Forced Fumble call right in Marshall, but Jaws overturns it saying Leon Hall knocked it loose. Tirico's right.

I don't know why the Bengals declined the automatic first down, but it doesn't matter Rudi gets the first and another 15 is tacked on for a horse collar. And it's by Ray Lewis, but of course we didn't know he was back in because the booth decided not to tell us.

They don't comment on it at all. Thanks guys.

7:50- Shayne Graham comes in for a short FG and to completely destroy his hip. And he nails it. That's gotta hurt.

9-0 Cincy

Mookie is right....they are giggling a lot in the booth. They seem to be very proud of themselves for some reason.

"They are hanging Chads."- Tony Kornheiser, What? Can we stick to references within the past 5 years please?

7:56 Great call by Tony to follow it up with the comment about trying to get it into halftime, but it's only the 1st quarter.

"When you throw the ball down the field it's tougher in the NFL."- Mike Tirico, NO SHIT!!! IT'S THE F'ING NFL!!!!!!! (Sorry....that's just stupid.)

WOW! Ed Reed just blasted TJ Housh!!! Good lord that was hard....he probably could have picked the ball off though.

"That's why you put the beam on him. Beam me up Ed Reed!"- Tony Kornheiser, Just stop.

8:02- Good job by Suzy using the word groin with out laughing. McNair is ailing now too. Everyone is going to be hurt by the end of the week. McGahee runs out the 1st....

And we're off to the second quarter. I'll see you in a new thread!