The Pam Ward Chronicles: Week Four

Saturday, September 22, 2007


Welcome back to our weekly installment of The Pam Ward Chronicles. I'm going to be keeping track of the Announcing Quotes throughout the day and I ask that you join in. Please leave any that you come across in the comments or feel free to email me at AwfulAnnouncing@Gmail.com.

I'm starting this week with probably the worst Announcing quote i've heard in awhile. Sean McDonough was talking about Kevin Everett with Chris Speilman when he said the following.....

“I noticed your occasional paralysis kicked in at dinner when the check came”- Sean McDonough

It's ALWAYS funny to make joke around someone almost dying and the fact they may never walk again. What an ass.

Here are the standings after two weeks........

1. Chris Spielman (23)
2. Brad Nessler (17)
3. Bob Griese (16)
4. Gary Danielson (13)
5. Pat Haden (9)
6. Paul Maguire, Mike Patrick, and Gerry Dinardo (8)
9. Mark Jones, Brent Musburger, Lee Corso (7)

Others Receiving Votes: Tim Brandt (6), John Saunders (6), Ray Bentley (5), Mike Tirico (4), Desmond Howard (3), Jim Donnan (3), Doug Flutie (3.5), Pam Ward (3), Craig James (2.5), Todd Blackledge (2), Andre Ware (2), Gerry Dinardo (1), Dave Pasch (1)

College Football Week #4 Announcing Teams (Awful Announcing)
_______________________________________________

"Bulls on Parade, rally round the family. USF at North Carolina today."- Chris Fowler

"Matthew Stafford is one of the best quarterbacks in the SEC because he throws the ball straight." - Lee Corso (Via Fletch)

"Our defensive line are lead by Kentawn Balmer."- Butch Davis introducing his Tarheels.

"I want a couple of what that #1 Tailgater is having."- Ray Bentley

ESPN had a USF tailgater introduce the lineups for the Bulls. Just dumb.

"THATS A HUGE HOLE!" - Pam Ward (Via Steve)

"Gotta get that arm lubed up."- Dave Pasch

"A red shirt freshman who has no experience coming in." - Ray Bentley (Via Steve)

"How about pig head at 9am?" - Erin Andrews (Via Steve)

"What was the pig head sitting in?"- Andre Ware (Via TWSS)

You're looking lovely today Pam!



"That is hitting a man right in the mustache." - Andre Ware (Via S2N)

"Their quickness and suddenness of their speed is getting to North Carolina."- Ray Bentley (Via S2N)

"So where's the shakeup?" - Dave Pasch
"The shakeup is in Booty." - Andre Ware
(Via S2N)

"He's a little undersized down in there." - Ray Bentley (Via Anon)

We interrupt you regularly scheduled Pam Ward Chronicles to bring you Andre Ware eating chicken wings.....



"Tim Tebow really is huge in the lower half"- Unknown (Via Sam)

"I don't think anyone heard the flag or the whistle."- Brad Nessler

"Is my bald spot shining into the camera?" - Paul Maguire
"Yeah, can you put something on there to block it?" - Brad Nessler
"I don't even have sunscreen for it." - Maguire
"Oh, and you've got some tape on your pants." - Nessler
(Via S2N)

"I don't see any players with shorts on the field, and if no one's wearing shorts, [Trindon Holliday's] the fastest guy on the field." - Gary Danielson

"Keep the camera on them, maybe they'll kiss"- Verne Lundquist, If you didn't know about Tebow kissing his receiver last week...that would be pretty shocking to hear

Time now for the AFLAC...Duck's late...(*AFLAC!*)...trivia of the game.- Vern Lundquist (Via TWSS)

someone stole gary danielson's jacket, i guess, so they showed them in the booth with just a shirt and tie, danielson said, "i think it was a guy in a purple shirt...maybe green", and verne lundquist told him he looked great.

Anyway a few minutes later danielson said something like, "we have an update: they found my jacket". then they exchanged a couple sentences i didn't pay attention before verne said, "you cant run very far in an airport with a cbs sports jacket"
(Via Anon)

"The referee threw the flag!"- Bob Griese, Umm else would have?

"He's throwing better backwards than he is forwards"- Gary Danielson (Via TWSS)

"Boston College is the best team in the Big East."- Lee Corso (Via Anon)

"Johnson goes up the middle."- Dan Fouts (Via Anon)

"If he (Chip Chandler) had dropped that, he would've had trouble finding his scholarship with a telescope."- Mike Patrick (Via Dave)

"A fake is like a pair of shoes for women that go into a shoe store, they can't not buy them."- Charles Arbuckle

"[totally random]..And he's a pretty good looking guy."- Ray Bentley describing Jim Leavitt.

"Both those defensive backs were wearin' those WRs like a pair of spandex shorts."- Rene Nadeau

(Last 3 via Eric)

And your clear cut favorite to win for this week has it's own post....

Mike Patrick Has Important Things On His Mind

"They don't need a knockout to win. A TKO will be fine...maybe there'll be a Russian judge."- Gary Danielson (Via MW)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 11:15 PM

55 Comments:

"Matthew Stafford is one of the best quarterbacks in the SEC because he throws the ball straight." - Lee Corso

As opposed to the other QB's that throw curveballs.

Fletch F. Fletch said...
Sep 22, 2007, 11:36:00 AM  

"THATS A HUGE HOLE!" - Pam Ward lol

Steve said...
Sep 22, 2007, 12:08:00 PM  

Im impressed that Pat Hayden has stayed in the top five in spite of not broadcasting a game for the last two weeks. I cant wait for this afternoon

Matt said...
Sep 22, 2007, 12:12:00 PM  

"a red shirt freshman who has no experience coming in". - Ray Bentley

uh yea that'swhy he's a RS freshman.

Steve said...
Sep 22, 2007, 12:16:00 PM  

"I saw somehwere they are #9 in the nation in enrollment after only 10 years of football". - Ray Bentley

Does that mean people go to USF for the football team?

Steve said...
Sep 22, 2007, 12:18:00 PM  

and stopped at the 25 yard line as he was tripped up by John Holmes - Dave Pasch

he didn't say what tripped him just that he was

Steve said...
Sep 22, 2007, 12:27:00 PM  

"What was the pig head sitting in?"

That's What She Said said...
Sep 22, 2007, 12:51:00 PM  

"What was the pig head sitting in?"
-Ray Bentley

That's What She Said said...
Sep 22, 2007, 12:52:00 PM  

"how about pig head at 9am?" - erin andrews

Honey if that's what youre calling it I'll take it.

Steve said...
Sep 22, 2007, 12:53:00 PM  

my mistake, that was my boy Andre Ware.

He's my dark horse. I know he's started slow, but honestly, his upside is tremendous.

That's What She Said said...
Sep 22, 2007, 12:59:00 PM  

Dear God, we've had six segments on tailgating across both ESPNs in the last twenty minutes.

Um, also, I'm pretty sure i just saw a sign that said "ESPN is Bullshit" right in the middle of the screen.

That's What She Said said...
Sep 22, 2007, 1:06:00 PM  

"Their quickness and suddenness of their speed is getting to North Carolina."

Ray Bentley on USF's speed. This guy is a gold mine; I've almost forgotten about Mike Gottfried.

Pam has Trump hair.

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 22, 2007, 1:06:00 PM  

"That is hitting a man right in the mustache." - Andre Ware.

(I request we break out the "The Greatness That Is Andre Ware" tag again.)

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 22, 2007, 1:09:00 PM  

TWSS- Is said ESPN is Bullish. I was so upset it wasn't what you said.

Sep 22, 2007, 1:12:00 PM  

"So where's the shakeup?" - Dave Pasch
"The shakeup is in Booty." - Andre Ware

(They were talking about Ware's top five quarterbacks in the country.)

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 22, 2007, 1:12:00 PM  

The tailgating segments are because they're calling this "tailgating weekend" or "tailgating weekend in america"

I dont care I get to hear Erin Andrews say the phrase "....head at 9am".

Steve said...
Sep 22, 2007, 1:24:00 PM  

"He's a little undersized down in there." - Ray Bentley

Anonymous said...
Sep 22, 2007, 2:04:00 PM  

during the Duke/Navy game on CSTV:
Lewis did a good job of laying that one right in the hole

don't know who the announcers are

Sam said...
Sep 22, 2007, 2:25:00 PM  

Ah, CBS' SEC coverage or waiting for Doug Flutie and the rest of the ABC crew to say something asinine...

Dear, God, AA, what have you done to me?

That's What She Said said...
Sep 22, 2007, 3:01:00 PM  

"Tim Tebow really is huge in the lower half"-announcer in the UF game

Sam said...
Sep 22, 2007, 3:38:00 PM  

Michigan gets a PSU fumble on the 15. Fowler: “There’s a Graham Cracker for Graham”

Sep 22, 2007, 4:06:00 PM  

"Is my bald spot shining into the camera?" - Paul Maguire
"Yeah, can you put something on there to block it?" - Brad Nessler
"I don't even have sunscreen for it." - Maguire
"Oh, and you've got some tape on your pants." - Nessler

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 22, 2007, 4:08:00 PM  

Trindon Holliday with a 33 yard TD:

Verne: Its Christmas now!

Matt T said...
Sep 22, 2007, 4:18:00 PM  

"I don't see any players with shorts on the field, and if no one's wearing shorts, [Trindon Holliday's] the fastest guy on the field." - Gary Danielson

Signal to Noise said...
Sep 22, 2007, 4:22:00 PM  

Missouri Tigers Radio Network Scoreboard Update: "Nebraska KNOCKS OFF Ball State."

mmm...homerism between mediocre Big 12 North teams.

That's What She Said said...
Sep 22, 2007, 4:29:00 PM  

no MORE ridiculous than the USF taiglaters...is "the Animal" James Lauranitis's (spelling?) father SCREAMING the Ohio State lineups.

GusJohnsonForGod said...
Sep 22, 2007, 4:43:00 PM  

Verne Lundquist: Time now for the AFLAC...Duck's late...(*AFLAC!*)...trivia of the game.

That's What She Said said...
Sep 22, 2007, 5:09:00 PM  

tebow wasn't kissing his reciever-it was tony joiner, their safety

Sam said...
Sep 22, 2007, 5:27:00 PM  

Gary Danielson: We have found my jacket!

Maybe next week they can find his ability to state things other than cliches and he can lose his obsession with the obvious.

Just sayin'.

That's What She Said said...
Sep 22, 2007, 5:45:00 PM  

someone stole gary danielson's jacket, i guess, so they showed them in the booth with just a shirt and tie, danielson said, "i think it was a guy in a purple shirt...maybe green", and verne lundquist told him he looked great.

anyway a few minutes later danielson said something like, "we have an update: they found my jacket". then they exchanged a couple sentences i didn't pay attention before verne said, "you cant run very far in an airport with a cbs sports jacket"

Anonymous said...
Sep 22, 2007, 5:46:00 PM  

Maguire: This is obviously a fumble.
Bob Griese: Well, not for everybody.

So it's only a fumble for Penn State, but not for Michigan.

Let's all go home and work on our parallel reality theorems!

That's What She Said said...
Sep 22, 2007, 5:48:00 PM  

I'm not even going to touch the Danielson "he's throwing better backwards than he is forwards" comment.

Too easy. I'm no cherry picker.

By the way, Texas Tech was up on OKState 35-28. At the half. Do I listen to Maguire, Danielson, or the announcers on FSN trying to deal with the madness of this EA Sports NCAA Football 2008 gone mad? I'm so lost...

That's What She Said said...
Sep 22, 2007, 5:56:00 PM  

Nessler: There's no holding hands in football.

That's What She Said said...
Sep 22, 2007, 6:11:00 PM  

We've got another Nessler "Ol' Dirty" reference. Oh, Good, I was hoping this would become a theme. If by "hoping" you mean "dreading like I dread Hell."

That's What She Said said...
Sep 22, 2007, 6:28:00 PM  

Mark Jones: Felix Jones! And he's not looking back!

*tackled from behind*

(silence)

ahh...

That's What She Said said...
Sep 22, 2007, 6:52:00 PM  

Dave Lapham: He wasn't expecting the fastball... I guess he was expecting the changeup.

uh....huh.

That's What She Said said...
Sep 22, 2007, 7:38:00 PM  

It's actually spelled Haden, not Hayden.

Daniel said...
Sep 22, 2007, 7:44:00 PM  

On Gameday, after talking about how nobody in Boston can name anyone from the Boston College program (presumably because its a pro town), Lee Corso said..."Boston College is the best team in the Big East."

The irony...

Anonymous said...
Sep 22, 2007, 8:46:00 PM  

I've lost count of the tailgate features I've seen today.

Seriously. I'm getting fatter just watching this.

That's What She Said said...
Sep 22, 2007, 8:49:00 PM  

Dan Fouts: He's going for the endzone

*throws the ball to the 2 yard line*

I miss Keith Jackson.

Mookie said...
Sep 22, 2007, 8:55:00 PM  

It's not Verne Lundquist mentioning you during a broadcast, but a college football postgame show on WDFN said this was a good place.....although they thought Chris Spielman was a pretty good broadcaster (oops)
They also mentioned Andre Ware was the last black man to have a box haircut (like early '90s rapper Kwame)

Anonymous said...
Sep 22, 2007, 8:59:00 PM  

Why were Mark Jones and Bob Davie going on and on about how small Darren McFadden's calves were?
When Mark Jones asked Stan Verrett how big his calves were, he ignored them
Much respect to Stan for that!

Anonymous said...
Sep 22, 2007, 9:08:00 PM  

Johnson goes up the middle: Dan Fouts.

Anonymous said...
Sep 22, 2007, 9:08:00 PM  

Thanks for letting me know Anon 8:59

Anon 9:08- I saw that too....it was highly awkward.

Sep 22, 2007, 9:20:00 PM  

Just an aside that may have been covered here (or somewhere) in the past.

There are two Dicks and a Nutt on the Arkansas football team.

Anonymous said...
Sep 22, 2007, 9:35:00 PM  

"Important question - what is Britney (Spears)doing with her life?" - Mike Patrick, unprovoked, in overtime of UGA/ALA

Anonymous said...
Sep 22, 2007, 11:22:00 PM  

Mike Patrick: I have a question. What is Britney doing with her life?

Todd Blackledge: Britney who?

Mike Patrick: Britney Spears!

Todd Blackledge: Why do you care!?

Justin Williams said...
Sep 22, 2007, 11:22:00 PM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Justin Williams said...
Sep 22, 2007, 11:22:00 PM  

I think Blackledge misses Verne Lundquist. I know I would. Mike Patrick is horrible.

Anonymous said...
Sep 22, 2007, 11:24:00 PM  

Oh my God, what is wrong with Patrick? First, tomatoes and now this.

I found a couple:

"A fake is like a pair of shoes for women that go into a shoe store, they can't not buy them."-Charles Arbuckle

"[totally random]..And he's a pretty good looking guy."-Ray Bentley describing Jim Leavitt.

"Both those defensive backs were wearin' those WRs like a pair of spandex shorts."-Rene Nadeau

Eric said...
Sep 22, 2007, 11:31:00 PM  

Patrick wins the contest for the year with his Britney comment.

Henry Gomez said...
Sep 22, 2007, 11:43:00 PM  

Seriously....that was so dreadful I had to make an individual post for it.

Sep 22, 2007, 11:47:00 PM  

Is it on the talking points for EVERY ESPN GAME to talk about Notre Dame and how wonderful Jimmy Clausen is? We get it. He's a blue chipper. ENOUGH.

Justin Williams said...
Sep 23, 2007, 12:39:00 AM  

UW-UCLA - After the first down marker presented by overstock.com: “It might be all about the O for them, for me it’s all about the P”

Sep 23, 2007, 12:52:00 AM  

"The referee threw the flag!"- Bob Griese, Umm else would have?

Hello? One of the officials on the field is specifically called the "referee." He's the one stationed in the backfield, watching for holding, late hits on the QB, stuff like that. Do a little research before you attempt to make fun of someone.

Anonymous said...
Sep 23, 2007, 6:46:00 PM  

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