I don't know quite why. I just love that picture. Al and John have now joined us after another week of that craptastic theme, and let's do this.

I want to cut Al for calling the camera scandal "Spy-Gate." I ranted about this earlier in the week at my place, and it's still going on at every level. It's stupid and incredibly lazy. (End shameless self-promotion.)

Our first bump music: Buffalo Springfield's "For What It's Worth," and....THIS IS OUUURRR COUNTRAY! I'm not gonna make it through another season of this ad, I just know it.

Hobbs takes the kick-off, goes to the 20-something, and let's meet the Pats offense (what is Rand University? Didn't Moss go to Marshall?) Brady to Watson for nine yards right off the bat, and it's back to Watson again for the first down. I need both Moss and Wes Welker to have big days -- and, speaking of, there's a catch for Randy.

The new Charger unis aren't bad, although I wish they'd gone completely powder blue for home again.

Over/under on oral fellatio of Brady during the game: 15 instances. And there's Wes for a big gain off a Brady pass for 1st and goal!

I forgot: NE by 4 points tonight, just because they're at home. Maybe I should modify this, because Brady just hurled it to Watson for six.

"Give me Tom Brady and I wouldn't need any cameras either!" - JM, sounds vaguely dirtier than it is. 7-0, Pats.

"A song about hippies/beatniks getting their civil rights abused by police officers. I've heard it used for African Americans, Katrina, and so on. And they're using it to promote a football game. Go to Hell. Go directly to Hell. Do not pass 'Go.'" - Anon @ 8:24

Agreed, but you might have to take Stephen Stills with you.

Inauspicious beginning for Phil Rivers, as he gets picked by Roosevelt Colvin on a bad read. "Master of disguise," sayeth Michaels. I expect to see signs across the Boston area reading: "Now Performing Weekly: Colvin The Magnificent!"

SD's defense manages to keep Brady and Co. out of the end zone. While there are no moral victories, it's probably best not to go down 14-0 early. And Gostkowski misses, so the score stays as is.

Eddie Guns! Is he contractually required to work every Sunday night game? Please, let it be so. Fantasy Jesus gets his first handoff for a couple of yards after a penalty on the first snap, and we've got the right tackle for the Chargers down on the ground.

Also, back to an earlier comment about SNIFNIA. It is substantially better than the rest of the pregames. I also think their production elements and penis drawing graphics are the best in the business. - AA

I don't care who you are, that's just funny.

Randall Gay would have had that last pass by Rivers if it had been inbounds. He's totally staring at NORV!'s controller. Speaking of, we're waiting on the first instance of NORV! Face. Gates gets a 10 yard catch on third down, but they'll be punting this time. Wes Welker brings it back to around the 25, and we're breakin'.

Koolaid Maroney (I don't care if the facebook was fake, he still gets that name) takes the handoff to the 32, and Madden's talking about the defensive play wristbands. Can't we just get the D-coordinators a headset and a helmet for the middle linebackers with a radio? Welker catches another ball for a 1st down. Maroney gets the rush again for another couple of yards. Moss catches another Brady ball for 10 yards and another first -- Bolts need to get some pass penetration going, bend Brady over, pound him to the ground...

Sorry about that. False start on the Pats.

"Can you believe Ed Hoculi didn't have a postseason game last year?" No, I can't. Not only because he's entertaining to all of Blogfrica, but because he's actually good at what he does. More games with Eddie Guns as ref, please.

Wes Welker just put the juke on the SD safety for an extra seven yards and a first down on that catch. C'mon, guys, can't let a white boy do that to you -- people might think he's more than a possession receiver!

Wes Welker reminds of someone who plays with grit and passion despite his size and his whiteness. Very David Eckstein'esqe. - AA

Let me guess. He's a "good, dependable possession receiver." Just like Tim Dwight. - Anon

Right on cue, people! Grit, hard work, and determination!

Pats at the 25 of SD, and it's Brady to Moss for six. Straight cash, homies!

"The Patriots offense has been surgical in the first quarter." - AM. Kick is up and good, 14-0, Pats, and I'm going to write a pilot for an upcoming drama called "Foxboro Medical."

so i guess Brady doesn't need to have the signals in advance, just a heavy dose of Ted Cotrell's defense - Sam

It's the crapfest that keeps on giving to offenses, Sam. Gotta love retread coaches. Michael Turner runs the kickoff up to the 31, and let's see if the Chargers can do something besides embarrass themselves on this side of the ball. LDT gets three yards on the carry, and NORV! has the Alfred E. Neuman look of "What, me worry?" on his face. Tomlinson gets a first down at the 42.

Hm, delay of game on the Pats, trying to fake out the SD O-line. Fantasy Jesus for another 1st down. Adalius Thomas, down on the field. Not something the Pats want to see.

Jeezis I hate it when Al Michaels calls Brady "Tom", so informal and cute. So much love for Tom, like vomit overflowing in a urinal on the South side of Pittsburgh. - hollywood wags

Mmm....that's good bile.

Still kind of in shock that the Browns were capable of scoring 51 points today. Marvin Lewis, defensive genius, everybody!

Vincent Jackson gets a catch on the sideline. All I remember is everyone hyping him as a big fantasy threat this year, and all I can remember is how stupid he was to spin the ball on the ground in the playoffs last year when he wasn't called down....and Colvin The Magnificent smacks up Rivers and causes the FUMBLE! NE ball, as Vince Wilfork falls on it.

Anyone else disturbed by Madden calling Colvin "Rosie"? You don't call a grown-ass man "Rosie." First quarter over. I'll get a second quarter thread started, and it's 14-0, Pats.