Inside AA: Your Homerun Derby In Quotes
Monday, July 09, 2007
I'm f'ing done with this thing. I've never been more bored in my life. Kenny Mayne gave up hours ago so I think I'm warranted to give up as well.
If you ever wanted a glimpse into how I create the genius that is AA....here it is....straight cut and (drunkin') paste. No deletions.....
Counting Crows….I’m in Love
Chris Berman sounds particularly phlegmy
“Albert Winnie the Pujols”- CB
“We have many dollars invested in this project….I just hope someone hits one over the wall”- KM
Dusty Baker, Joe Morgan
The analysis from the Baseball Tonight Crew after each batter is brutal….Phillips, Ravech, Kruk
“it could be a national “Holiday” by the time we’re done here”- CB
“three of em’ right away and he’s a large young man”- DB
“I think that one landed on Treasure Island”- CB
Kenny Mayne has one homer to him and gets out of the water each break
“I walked up to him in the batting cage today and I was speaking to most of the players and I said….Who is that?”- Joe Morgan on Alex Rios
“I went to spring training and watched them one game and said to the owner they could win it all”- Joe Morgan
“I saw you jamming out there with the Crows”- DB
“It was the Counting Crows!”- CB
“You were counting em’ too!”- DB
“it’s off the platform in right centerfield….how interesting is that”- CB
“there’s a rainbow!”- DB
That’s to Sausalito”- CB
This one’s to Alcatraz- CB
“What was the pressure like in a swing off”- Erin Andrews
You can’t “pick a winner” if your guy is already out
“That tootsie roll pop looks a little un-used”- CB
Joe and Dusty don’t know their mics are open during every Erin Andrews interview
“This is SOLID GOLD!”- CB
“Coming down the line is Alex Rios….He’s to the Quarter Pole!”- CB
“My wife’s gonna take em’”- JM not realizing the mics are on
__________________
It's so easy your mom could do it!
10 Comments:
Chris Berman's metaphors and nicknames are embarrassingly awful. I'd rather give a retard a microphone and have him color comment the game with a dog barking in the background.
I'd rather watch a video of Kige Ramsey doing PBP watching the derby on a flat screen at Wal-Mart.
Why don't they comment about how those kids in the outfield are so terrified of the ball that you can actually see them shitting their pants???
Berman, Baker, and Morgan = The Triumverate of Shittiness
Berman is the Ted Baxter of ESPN.
When I turned on the Derby and saw Counting Crows play, I was extremely confused. I thought I had gone ten years back in time. Counting Crows?! What, was Hootie and The Blowfish booked?
And yeah, the "announcing" crew on location was horrible, but the guys in the BBTN studio were even worse. That had "bad idea" written all over it.
"Hey Kenny, is that a Flak jacket you have on, because those balls will scorch over that fence." -CB
"Ohhhhh! That's enough! So we're tiiied!" -CB
"One more, guys!" -JM
"You don't talk about a no-hitter in the ninth." -CB
I wrote these and a few more that you already have down while making a post last night...all I could think of during that 'event' were the words "Awful" and "Announcing". I was thinking that this must have spawned the site until remembering that your 1 year anniversary was a while ago.
So many things to agree with here. You know that once Howard and Fielder were eliminated, the guys in the truck were saying, "Oh shit; now we have to fill three hours. Hey Chris.. do your Bobo the Clown act." And the sad thing is that Berman actually thinks his nickname schtick is still funny. Why can't he be leaving ESPN, too?
Don't forget that Magglio Ordonez's entire at bat was reduced to a postage stamp sized section of the screen while Peter Gammons was conducting a puff-piece interview with Barry Bonds, in which Barry accused un-named "third parties" of tarring his reputation and if fans got to meet the "true Barry", he'd be much more liked. (If anyone believes that, I've got a few bridges to sell you. If tonight's game turns into a Barry lovefest, I've got the John Carpenter Film Festival lined up. "They Live" and "Big Trouble in Little China" are far more entertaining than McCarver and Buck any day - "I'm all out of bubble gum.") It was embarassing to see a journalist of Gammons' stature reduced to doing that piece.
This is what I think: Kenny Mayne
Did anyone else catch the irony of a network whose big summer project is "Who's Now" broadcasting a live performance by the Counting Crows (who are not "Now")?