Jaws is smiling the most because he has a full head of hair.

Couldn't they have gotten Tirico a few phone books to stand on?

All of them are smiling because they know that Joe Theismann is gone.

Jaws head is so large to distract from Tirico's Milk Dud head and Tony's smiley assface.

To the tune of Don MacLean's "American Pie:"

Long, Long time ago...
I can still remember
How Monday Night Football used to make me smile...
I knew if ESPN got the chance, they would ruin my weekly trance, as Michaels, Dierdorf, and Gifford kept me rapt,
But Dennis Miller made me shiver, and every "BOOM!" John Madden delivered,
Was bad news on the doorstep,
I couldn't take one more step.
I can't remember if I cried, when I read aloud "Joe Theismann fired" but something touched me deep inside, the day Ronny Jaws was hired.

So....
Bye, bye NFL Monday Night, Kornheiser's a bad hire, but Tirico is worse, and Jaws has awkaward pauses cause his brain is concussed, Look at how they've killed Monday night. This is how they've killed Monday Night...

Sy Sperling's Wet Dream

"There's More Hair on my Head than People in the Stands" Kornheiser

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome "Fat, Horny, Black, and"--what do you mean, Joe's fired?

Kornheiser: "I'm not rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. I'm stealing the expensive silverware and going through the dead dead people's wallets for loose change.

Tirico: Jesus, Theissman sure is talking about the players' 40 times a lot. Oh, well, back to dreaming about Dan Patrick's radio gig.

Jaws: I hope no one notices my Jaworski is engorged.

Three men who did not need to worry about getting hit on in San Francisco

Jaws is clearly a big fan of the Michael Douglas character in Falling Down

The Three Tenors (of sucking)

Tirico: "Boys, smile big...if we do well tonight, I'm taking you all out to the big ESPN party. You know I'm a big hit with the ladies who work there."

Kornheiser: "More than Scott Van Pelt?"

Suckapalooza (ESPN) proudly presents the 20 year reunion of 3rd Bass with special guest Young MC.

Looks like they're giving 'em the "Gas Face."

After the picture was taken, Jaws' forehead continued to expand at such an exponential rate that Kornheiser and Tirico were forced to take refuge next door in the ESPN Deportes booth.

director: jaws, is that collagen making it nice and tight yet? wait... who the f*** just farted? seriously stop smiling, who farted?

A Jew, a Pollock, and a black guy walk into a booth...

Ever wonder why you never see announcers below the waist? That's why they're smiling. Someone is down there "testing the microphones."

Shut it down.

G-Money wins.

Tony: Say, Jaws, did you hear the one about the Jew, the Catholic, and the Colored Boy who went to heaven?

Jaws: Yeah, Tony, that's a doozy.

Mike: I am seriously gonna kill you guys...and we're back with the NFL preseason on ESPN!

Tony: Oh, this is the worst lookin' pair of glasses I ever saw... I bet you buy a pair like that you get a free bowl of soup, eh? (looks at Jaws) Oh, looks good on YOU, though.

Manny, Moe, and Hack.

Jaws: "Good one, God."

Monday Night Football was very disappointing to me. The three announcers were not interested in the game. They interupted the flow of the game by talkingg about nothing, like what men are wearing. I wanted to know who was quarterbacking, who was in the running back position etc. etc all I got was nonsense.Please talk about the teams on the field and who is playing what. next Monday night I will try the radio over your coverage. It was terrible.

All-Stars!

"Only $150 an hour for these three studly escorts...call now...1-800-eff-ESPN"

The 3 Wise Men.

(in the Bizarro world, of course)

Tirico: I'm here with Jaws and Tony, and fellas, what are your thoughts on tonight's game?

Jaws: Guys, I was talking to 49ers coach Mike Nolan, and he said that my head was huge.

Kornheiser: You sure your pants were on? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The Scarecrow and Cowardly Lion bring a black munchkin to a NFL game.

Come down to Kornheiser Chevrolet, where our friendly sales staff will go the longest yard to help you get into a new truck just in time for tailgating season.