Monday, April 16, 2007
So after 4 days, 30 picks, countless d*** jokes, and only 1 trade.....the 2007 Bloggers Mock Draft is (almost complete). There's technically two picks left to be made, but you're only scheduled for 15 picks today....so that's what you'll get.
What else will you get? You'll get the mockery, intelligence, disdain, and reactions from the best Sports Bloggers on the planet. Below is the list of First Round participants, and be sure to give them hell if you think their pick won't help your team this upcoming season.
(Also, I have a few spots left in the 2nd Round if you are interested. Please email me at AwfulAnnouncing@gmail.com, and we'll get you involved)
The picks start at noon after the jump, and you'll get one every fifteen minutes so keep hitting refresh!
1. Oakland Raiders- Dan Shanoff
2. Detroit Lions- The Wayne Fontes Experience
3. Cleveland Browns- A Price Above Bip Roberts
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers- Leave the Man Alone
5. Arizona Cardinals- Will Leitch- Deadspin
6. Washington Redskins- Unsilent Majority from KSK
7. Minnesota Vikings- Our Book of Scrap
8. Atlanta Falcons (from Houston)- The Big Lead
9. Miami Dolphins- Just Call Me Juice
10. Houston Texans (from Atlanta)- Seal Clubbers
11. San Francisco 49ers- The Fans Attic
12. Buffalo Bills- Shot To Nothing
13. St. Louis Rams- J-Money from Ladies...
14. Carolina Panthers- Digital Headbutt
15. Pittsburgh Steelers- The Starter Wife from Ladies...
16. Green Bay Packers- Texas Gal from Ladies...
17. Jacksonville Jaguars- Sports Show On Mute
18. Cincinnati Bengals- Larry Brown Sports
19. Tennessee Titans- Chip Ramsey
20. New York Giants- Yelling Louder
21. Denver Broncos- Signal to Noise
22. Dallas Cowboys- WBRS Sports Blog
23. Kansas City Chiefs- Extrapolater
24. New England Patriots (from Seattle)- One More Dying Quail
25. New York Jets- Metschick from Ladies...
26. Philadelphia Eagles- Run Up The Score
27. New Orleans Saints- Babes Love Baseball
28. New England Patriots- AA
Traded to MMP 4/11/2007 at 3:00pm EST.
29. Baltimore Ravens- East Coast Bias
30. San Diego Chargers- The Hater Nation
31. Chicago Bears- Lion In Oil
32. Indianapolis Colts- Holly from Ladies...
Everyone get out your hot cocoa and a blankey....snuggle up....and enjoy the Draft.
Dan Shanoff, his readers, and the Raiders are on the clock!
With the first pick of the 2007 Sports Bloggers NFL Mock Draft, the Oakland Raiders (as selected by Dan Shanoff with input from the Commenters at DanShanoff.com) select...
Calvin Johnson, Wide Receiver from Georgia Tech.
I/we considered Johnson, QB JaMarcus Russell and the possibility of trading down. (See Comments here.) Not even dangling "Guest-Post On a Blog To Be Named Later" could pry the pick away.
In the end, it was Johnson's status as "Best Player Available," along with his rating as the best WR prospect since Randy Moss that sealed the pick. (Speaking of which: Uh, any takers for Moss?)
The Wayne Fontes Experience, you're on the clock for the Lions at No. 2...
You should have taken Tebow out of principle. Fuck the "rules."- UM
Some kind of shitshow this has already turned into ...Mel Kiper is reporting that a darkhorse has emerged on the Falcons board, this within the last hours: Isoniplex. After Mort said, 'I don't have a 40 time on him,' Chris Berman erupted with,
'who the F*ck' got into my medicine cabinet?' Now Kiper is reporting that Isoniplex is not a player, but just some of the herpes medicine the staff needed to pick up for Michael Vick. Apparently he's running low, and there's a trip to Cancun, Mexico coming up ...- The Big Lead
OK, since I could not reach a deal with UM and the Redskins, the Steelers would like to offer some from CDs and/or whatever screeners I can find laying around for a move into the top ten. (BOOOO UM!)- TheStarterWife
With the second pick of the 2007 Sports Bloggers NFL Mock Draft, The Wayne Fontes Experience (as selected by long suffering Lions fan Big Al ) select...
JaMarcus Russell, quarterback from Louisiana Tech University.
I honestly thought that the Raiders would take Russell, so we are plenty happy in TWFE war room. The general consensus from commenters at TWFE was to take Calvin Johnson, Matt Millen's piss poor drafting history be damned. Matt Millen be damned, period.
Wisconsin tackle Joe Thomas was the only other player seriously considered. Brady Quinn? Detroiters think he's another Joey Blue Skies.
As the Lions have not had a Pro Bowl QB since 1972, and haven't had a QB that was actually great since 1957, the Lions have to take the possible franchise QB. At least Russell can sit for a year behind Jon Kitna, and learn from Mike Martz. But with the Lions luck, Russell will end up just another of their long line of first round QB busts, Chuck Long, Andre Ware, and Joey Harrington...
LaTech Bulldogs in the house!- Texas Gal
Tim Rattay will still have the 2nd best pro QB career from that school.- RUTS
Personally, I waiting for Will so that we can all absolutely rip his
pick. I vote for him to pick Illinois QB Tim Brasic, just to show that
he doesn't give a crap about Arizona's plight.- Digital Headbutt
With the third pick in Awful Announcing's BloggerLoveFest Mock Draft, A Price Above Bip Roberts selects:
Adrian Petersen, RB, Oklahoma Sooners
The logic behind this? Quite simple. All four of the final teams in the NFL last season used a two-back approach - Dominic Rhodes and Joseph Addai (one of whom should have been the Super Bowl MVP), Thomas Jones and Cedric Benson, Laurence Maroney and Corey Dillon, and Reggie Bush and Deuce McAllister.
Petersen will combine with Jamal Lewis to form a dominant backfield in sloppy, weather-plays-a-bigger-role-than-anyone-is-truly-willing-to-admit Cleveland. In addition, he'll form a powerfully ironic RB tandem: one who has been in jail, one who's father has been in jail, one who saw his brother get killed in front of him, and one who likely killed someone's brother.
They should have a lot to talk about while Frye is picking grass stains off his back.
I have the 4th pick. I am open to trades. I repeat. I am open to trades. Please don't make me pick a lineman. I want to preserve the sexy.- LTMA
I'll trade you Wilma McNabb, a bag of Garrett Reid's heroin, and Freddie Mitchell's FroHawk for that pick.- RUTS
Ted, way to change the subject line and kick this into a new email thread for the 90% of us using GMail. Thanks a lot, buddy.- ECB
Sssssh, TSW. It's all right. Adrian Peterson is technically still available.- Texas Gal
Captain Caveman has better skin than Meredith Baxter Birney.- Holly
With the fourth pick in Awful Announcing's BloggerLoveFest Mock Draft, Leave the Man Alone selects:
Brady Quinn, QB, Notre Dame Fighting Irish
As the first female GM selecting in this draft, it is important for me to portray an image of femininity and sexiness. Obviously, Brady is the natural choice. Cover 2 defense? Sheeeeet.... Tampa Bay's 7 QB option is going to revolutionize the game, haters. Trust. Jake Plummer, Luke McCown, Jeff Garcia, Brace Gradkowski, Bruce Eugene, Chris Simms, and, now, Brady Quinn are all future Hall of Famers. Tampa Bay is pleased to welcome Brady to the Bucaneers family. Oh, and pay no mind when you notice he's posed oiled up and shirtless on the deck of the pirate ship in his official team photo. He's no Orlando Bloom, but he'll do.
Darn it all. I was really hoping he would drop and then I could convince Jelisa that the idea of a Marc Bulger/Brady Quinn sandwich is very, very good draft strategy.- Lady Andrea
Nice job, Head Chick. Jeff Garcia approves, as he was looking for a new playmate. Chris Simms was getting too old, and Garcia likes 'em young and without the facial hair.- S2N
From a PR standpoint I think it makes perfect sense. A bunch of shitty white QBs......we'll call them the Butt Pirates or something- AA
I'm sure that's their new code name for each other. I eagerly await "BP" tattoos on the ankles of all four!-
Like Brady doesn't already have Samardzija scrolled down one leg.-
(12 Hour break and 14,000 emails on subjects such as: Jeff Samar’s back tattoo, tramp stamps, frost-tips, Fossil watches, and big sunglasses)
With the 5th pick of the draft.....The Buzzsaw and Deadspin takes Gaines Adams, DE, Clemson.
We need another pass rusher rather than another big slow guy on the offensive line. THIS IS THE YEAR! ***
Great pick, especially because I know the Skins fans are in love with him.- ECB
With the Sixth Pick in the 2007 Blogger Mock Draft The Washington Redskins and UM select...
Berman: Don't be surprised to see another d-lineman go in this spot.
/Berman slumps over in his chair
Amobi Okoye DT Louisville
The Manchild Cometh! He's going to be everything for this town that Kwame Brown wasn't. Yeah, I've got a man-crush on a nineteen year-old.
I just look forward to another Okoye in the league. It's been too long.- Extra P
There's an untold story behind the Redskins' pick. The pick was first traded to Tennessee for Pacman Jones, a player Danny Boy has long had his eye on. Tennessee , needing more than one pick to vastly improve and not needing the cap baggage, traded the pick to Denver in exchange for the ghost of Dan Reeves. Suddenly Redskins' GM #47(a)(2)(ii) informed Snyder that Pacman could not play this year. Realizing they'd been had (again), the Skins offered Pacman, Clinton Portis, and all of their (remaining) 2008 picks to the Broncos in exchange for their 6 th pick back. The Broncos took the deal and immediately blamed Pacman for the death of Darrent Williams. And that's how the Skins came to make their selection with the 6th pick.- ECB
Haha, the ladies... blog just got surf controlled by my work computer. It's trying to protect me!- UM
UM - Harold Miner jersey, Gino Torretta rookie card and the #9 pick for Okoye- JCMJ
With the 7th pick of the 2007 NFL Draft, the Minnesota Vikings and Our Book of Scrap select
Wide Receiver from Ohio State University Ted Ginn, Jr.
In all honesty, we could have taken someone at just about any position because the Vikes have holes everywhere. We were hoping that Quinn would slip to this spot, since the Vikings could use a fresh and exciting QB (despite already having Tavaris Jackson). Plus, in recent interviews, Brady Quinn has all but guaranteed that he will (a) win the Super Bowl in his first year, (b) be the greatest passer since Dan Marino, and (c) cure cancer. But since we couldn't get a better QB, we figured let's get a better WR to help the QB's we already have. Troy Williamson, Travis Taylor, et al, just don't get the job done.
UPDATE: THERE'S BEEN A TRADE!!!! (But it's very boring)
From Texas Gal.....
Sooze sends me a wheel of cheese and a PBR, I give her a beignet and a hurricane to wash it down with. She gets the fun of trying to fill numerous holes on the GB depth chart, I just have to worry about the secondary (on the Saints).
The Saints Pick for the Packers Pick (UM yawns).
We're actually switching teams. We're correcting the balance- Sooze takes care of the midwestern boys, I handle the Southern ones. Sooze will be drafting for the Pack, I'll be the next Fuck Da Eagles girl.- Texas Gal
With the 8th pick the Atlanta Falcons and The Big Lead select....
Laron Landry, safety, LSU
If Okoye was still on the board, he's the pick. Atl's problem isn't the offense....the defense blows. Couldn't stop anyone.
With the 9th pick The Miami Dolphins and JCMJ select
Joe Thomas, Tackle- Wisconsin
Best player on the board and maybe someone who can keep Dante's other ACL from exploding.
The Penny could have made that Joe Thomas pick. It's that obvious.- S2N
Since everyone is doing it, and considering the fact that the Texans seem to have a hard-on for ACC players (3 of their 6 first round picks came from ACC schools), have to have that athletic tight end for the double tight sets and extra blocking for Ahman Green.
With the 10th pick the Texans and Seal Clubbers select.....
Greg Olsen - TE - Miami
The Texans organization also says screw Joe Thomas... we didn't really want him... who needs good blockers anyway?
The Fan's Attic is on the clock with the 11th pick (SF)...my guess is
Leon Hall. The Niners really need a defensive back.- Digital Headbutt
You mean after shelling out 22 big large for Clements? Really?- S2N
With the 11th Pick of the 2007 Awful Announcing Mock NFL Draft, the San Francisco 49ers and The Fans Attic selects....
The Wu-Tang Clan!!!
Oh, wrong draft.
DE, Jamaal Anderson, Arkansas.
I really wanted to go offense on this pick but the 49er defense was just too craptacular last year. The team has already spent a metric ton on defense in free agency this year. Plus, Bryant Young isn't getting any younger and Okoye is gone.
The other benefit this pick has is that Anderson is from Arkansas, and as Houston Nutt knows, Arkansas people are 8 kinds of crazy. Being crazy and passionate can only help Anderson in the NFL.
If you read your ESPN.com puff pieces, you'd know his father is deaf, and that's going to help him make an immediate impact in the NFL. I bet now everyone wishes their dad was deaf.- Extra P
Are we allowed to pick coaches? I think that's what the Chiefs really need.- Extra P
Herm is sexy. I'll trade you him for a Tampa Bay cheerleader.- LTMA
AA, you're going to correct any grammar errors when you publish this,
right? Because if not then we would start looking, like, totally
illiterate or something!- Digital Headbutt
THE STEELERS BOOO THIS PICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would have boo'ed sooner, but I was on a call. DEAD TO ME FAN'S ATTIC! DEAD!- TSW
Sienna Miller boos Pittsburgh.- The Fans Attic
Exactly. I boo Sienna Miller for being a no-talent ignorant slut, who thinks she's some fashion plate. Seriously, what the hell has she ever been even halfway decent in? Actually, never mind that, what movies has she been in?- Metschick
With the 12th Pick of the 2007 Awful Announcing Mock NFL Draft...
The Five Knuckle Shuffalo Bills pick: Sanchez! LB - Shot to Nothing
"What? I didn't even know I was eligible! Sweet jesus, this is a dream
come true! Finally I can give up blogging and actually DO something with
my life... wait, why are all those people booing?"
Leon Hall CB - Michigan
Because, really, just pick a hole and fill it. Let's face it whoever
the Bills take in the first round is gonna improve their roster by
Pick a hole and fill it? We still talking about Sienna Miller?- RUTS
Pick a hole and fill it? Daddy?- Lady Andrea
Great, the kid from West (F'ing) Virginia has to pick after the incest jokes. It's like you planned this.
With the 13th Pick of the 2007 Awful Announcing Mock NFL Draft J-Money, Andrea, and The St. Louis Rams select....
DE Adam Carriker, Nebraska.
There are rumors that the Rams are thinking of making a run at the Panthers' Kris Jenkins, making that the first time "run" and "Kris Jenkins" have been used in the same sentence since 2004. If they get him, that could impact their draft selections but the Rams are concerned about Jenkins potentially having a "weight problem", which is sort of like saying that Anna Nicole Smith has a "death problem".
Regardless, I think they've still got to beef up their D, which collectively can't stop the run, the pass, or any of Tom Brady's seed from finding purchase...although at this point, what can other than maybe terpentine, fire, or RoundUp.
I also wouldn't be surprised to see them grab a WR in the later rounds, since Isaac Bruce's first playbook was written in cuneiform and we all know that the eventual successor to Marc Bulger is quietly stacking boxes of Fruit-by-the-Foot on a Food Lion shelf somewhere in middle America.
I would like everyone to know that the Steelers' little post-it note that had all the players names they wanted on has been almost decimated.- TSW
Digital Headbutt is out of the War, Room, ready to make the Panthers' 14th pick. But first, my analysis.....
The Carolina Panthers are in desperate need of a quality linebacker.
WIll Witherspoon left for free agency, Thomas Davis is only now putting
on enough weight for the position, and Dan Morgan can't play 3 games
without getting a concussion.
I have the luxury of choosing between the two best linebackers in the
draft this year. Behind door #1 is Ole Miss' Patrick Willis. Behind
Door #2 is Penn State's Paul Posluszny. Both are exceptional athletes.
Willis is the 2006 Butkus Award winner (best LB in the nation). Poz is
a 2-time Bednarik Award (best defender). Posluszny was mentored by a
coaching legend in Joe Paterno. Willis has been motivated by a f---ing
lunatic in Ed Orgeron. Posluszny can start at OLB with Morgan at ILB
and make the transition to the middle, a la Brian Urlacher. Willis has
had to play against the SEC, home to the best rushing attacks in
college football. He would certainly be able to stop the run, but the
Panthers need a 'backer who can play coverage. Posluszny, an excellent
run stopper in his own right, has spent most of his time at OLB against
the suddenly pass-happy Big Ten, but his numbers may be affected by the
fact that he had two very good linebackers beside him in Dan Connor and
Tim Shaw. He will have no such luxury in Carolina.
We really, really, REALLY need a good outside linebacker, and
considering how crazy Orgeron is, I have to take the NFL's new conduct
policy into account. For all we know, the loose cannon syndrome went
from coach O to Willis.
That's why I'm taking...
PAUL POSLUSZNY, LINEBACKER, PENN STATE
Ugh... so tough to choose from what is left on my Post- It note.
With the 15th Pick - The Pittsburgh Steelers and TSW pick....
Penn State Offensive Tackle Levi Brown.
Since I didn't see what I thought was a "Joey Porter" replacement/1st Round potential out there, I wanted to take the best player who could help us for years to come, and we're going to need OL help in the next two years. (Don't talk to me about Jarvis Moss or Timmons.)
(I also hope that the blogger that has the Steelers' second round pick takes Ikaika Alama-Francis for DE, just so we can continue our dominance in the category of unusual-named players.)
So we're done with Day 1 and the first 15 picks of the draft. What do you think? Should Mel Kiper Jr. be scared of our analysis? I sure think so.
We'll be back here tomorrow at noon for the second half of the 1st Round. See you then.