can we finally you know tonight: i took you to a playoff game cmon its been like 2 years.

Did you see that guys balls? They were weird.

"Hon, I really need to ask who his workout coach is -- that is one sculpted ass. I see why you're interested."

(AA, I think you pre-emptively won.)

You see Marv Albert over there? If I even see you touching him, or vice versa, I'll kill you!

"Wanna know a secret? I wore your panties at Augusta."

"Did you see Ian Eagle dance the other night Elin? Totally weird."

"You did 'what' with Jesper Parnevik?!?!?!"

Jeez, some of these guys have bigger breasts than you!


or

That Rasheed Wallace is kinda cute.

Don't ever wear a non-Nike hoody again, whore.

tony parker said he'd let me use his nickname tonight

"I don't care what uniform he's wearing, I still say JJ Redick sucks."

Speaking of Popeye Jones, that reminds me of my favorite mention of Jones ever. Last year on Inside the NBA (and he's probably said it before too), Barkley said that for some reason he just always struggled whenever he played Popeye Jones... and EJ chipped in, "The rare Popeye Jones reference on Inside the NBA."

It was funny at the time.

Don't ask me why I think this is funny:

"Oh s--- son, it's Wayne Brady!"

Hey, do that impression of Phil Mickelson's reaction to winning a US Open when we get home. I always find that funny.

"Don't ever forget: I. Fucking. Own. You."

Psssst....honey....is this media pass hanging from my neck hiding the woodie I'm sporting right now...?

Look, I can do that dunk stuff too, but goddamit quit staring at Shaq's schlong, I know you were a nude model, but don't EMBARASS ME!!!

I'll drop you like me deadlifting 750 you wench. Easy...you got that?

"Hey, wanna do it in the butt later?"

or

"They're looking at me, not you."

or

"Shouldn't we be wearing blue?"

or

"Hey, whaddya think of her? ya know, for later."