Grading The Networks And Analysts as NFL Teams- Part 2

Monday, April 30, 2007

Head to Part 1 if you missed the explanation, but it should be pretty easy to follow along.

ESPN actually surprised me a bit as I mostly watched the first 10 picks on the leader. Chris Berman was an ass, and added nothing but bad jokes to the program...but you expected that. The Monday Night team was pretty uneventful although the did look comfortable together....but you expected that too. Basically everything was per code except one thing.....Keyshawn Johnson.

Oh boy was I wrong about him. There isn't a player on this earth that is as prepared as he is for a television role after he/she retires. Tiki Barber looks like "boom goes the dynamite" in comparison. The highlight for me was undoubtedly the moment when they had him interview Dwayne Jarrett. This is a guy that is going to be trying to take your job starting....oh I dunno.....about NOW! KJ conducted a great interview, and was professional and insightful the entire 1st Round.

ESPN's grading is after the jump....

(Photo by Chris McGrath/Getty Images)

NFL Network Grading:

Chris Berman- Washington Redskins- D-

Over at TBL today they had a list of some of Chris Berman's jokes....let's analyze: ”Counter Trey Wingo”,”(The Falcons) traded Matt stump the Schaub.”, ”The Miami Dolphins are on the clock. Is this the time for the Mighty Quinn?”, "Parsley Sage Rosenfels and Thyme.”, ”Carriker has character. Say that three times fast.”

Okay now that we've gotten through there anyone in this country...nay, the world that thinks this man is clever? Hell no, and that's why I'm comparing him to the Skins. Landry isn't a bad pick and I like Blades in the later rounds, but how do you NOT draft a single person for the Defensive Line?!?! That makes zero sense. Just like Berman the Skins just have no idea what the Draft is about.

Mel Kiper Jr.- Houston Oilers- C-

I chose the Houston Oilers for Mel because the last time he was exciting was when they were a team. His pre-draft analysis is unrivaled, but over the years he's gotten more and more dull. Come on have one thing in life to care about....let's not pretend it's a funeral.

Maybe he just doesn't have the energy or care anymore. That's kinda how I felt about the Titans/Oilers picks. They obviously did zero research on Chris Henry.

Steve Young- St. Louis Rams- C

I liken Steve to the Rams for a few reasons. First, they were both pretty good a few years back, but have tailed off in the past few years. Second, they pretty much had no impact on the Draft either negatively or positively. And third, they're almost entirely irrelevant because you know Steve will never pan out in the long run....just like all of St. Louis' Draft Picks.

Seriously...they've had 63 picks from 2000-2006. Only one of them is/was an impact player, (Stephen Jackson) the rest....horrible. In fact if I was a Rams fan I'd create a video with Trung Canidate and Eric Crouch clips to show the front office.

(I partially blame Steve's decline on the craziness of Michael Irvin)

Chris Mortensen- Seattle Seahawks- C

Normally pretty strong Chris disappointed me this year. Just the 'Hawks he was poised to make himself standout, and he fell flat. I don't know if he was hungover or what, but he couldn't put a sentence together to save his life. It's pretty bad when you do this for a living, and Keyshawn looks 10x smarter than you during a broadcast.

(How uninterested in life does he look in that picture?)

The Monday Night Team (Tony K, Mikey T, and Ronnie J)- Pittsburgh Steelers- C+

Defense Defense Defense. Just like the Steelers they had no offense. They did look comfortable together, but there were moments where I just shook my head. The easiest comparison is the Steelers trading up in the 4th round to take a Punter. That's right a punter. That position is a perfect analogy for what Tony Kornheiser did with 90% of the draft. He punted it.

The dude left after the Brady Quinn pick. If it wasn't for him dropping he might have left after Jamaal Anderson was selected.

(Also, does anyone else think that Ron Jaworski acts too much when he's on camera? He over accentuates a ton of words and has that Morning Show Radio Voice.)

Suzy Kolber- Oakland Raiders- B-

They kind of surprised me. I was telling people last week that Michael Bush will be the steal of the draft. I mean if some team is willing to take an injured Ted Ginn 9th then he shouldn't have been around for Day 2.

Suzy surprised me in the same way. Was solid on Day 1....didn't do anything crazy (Jamarcus Russell), but on Day 2 she shined. If you didn't watch...Kolber took over the lead from Berman for the later rounds and blew him out of the water. Great job by fact she could easily replace Leatherface.

Keyshawn Johnson- Cleveland Browns- A-

The grade drops to an A- for KJ and Cleveland for one small reason for each. First, Keyshawn should have heckled the Jets fans a bit more. He acknowldged the boos only once. I would have liked him to say something more....joke about their picks a bit. Second, you can't give the Browns a perfect grade because they had to give up a first rounder in 2008 for Brady Quinn.

If they do well this year and that pick is in the middle of the first then it was worth it.

Keyshawn and Suzy saved the broadcast for ESPN. The coverage as a whole wasn't bad, but it was nothing to write home about. The NFL Network beat them in just about every facet of the broadcast



I don't really see the Quinn pick as "expensive". If you think about it, we got what we had rated as at the least top 10 talent @ number 22...

If we passed, what do you think our first rounder would have been spent on next year? Quarterback.

Just a thought :)

Top Dawg said...
Apr 30, 2007, 4:45:00 PM  

Steve Young completely lost his mind after the Dolphins took Ginn. His rant was funny because you got the impression that he might start crying after he was done with it, but besides that he was horrible.

Whenever Jaws did voiceovers of game tape he sounded ridiculous. His voice went up and down way too much, someone needs to tell him that really isn't necessary to get one's point across.

I completely agree with you about Suzy on day 2. She was great at the desk and things seemed to mesh much better with her at the helm. I'm sure it also helped that Young wasn't there.

Apr 30, 2007, 4:54:00 PM  

wow I was reading your mind.

i tried to find a colts parallel with anyone but noone fits.

Anonymous said...
Apr 30, 2007, 5:03:00 PM  

No grades for the studio crew? Anyone else notice when Michael Smith said someone was going to be picked (I can't remember who it was and i'm too lazy to look it up), the three other douchebags basically called him an idiot, and then he was proven right 30 seconds later with no acknowledgement? Why did that piss me off so much?

Anonymous said...
Apr 30, 2007, 5:55:00 PM  

AA, are you going to have an announcers review for the TNT/ABC/NBA TV guys anytime soon?

mookie said...
Apr 30, 2007, 6:40:00 PM  

I thought Keyshawn was great EXCEPT for the Jarrett interview, although in fairness, I stopped paying attention after the awkward beginning.

Apr 30, 2007, 6:48:00 PM  

Here's the crazy thing about the Monday Night Crew, and I didn't notice this until their draft coverage... they look like a chess club.

All they need now is Mike Greenberg as a sideline reporter, and they could have the dorkiest announcing team ever.

Did anybody else notice this?

Grimey said...
Apr 30, 2007, 7:34:00 PM  

Steve Young believes that the NFL Draft exists solely to shower each team's quarterback with as many weapons as possible. Any time a defensive player was picked, you could mark Steve down for a "What kind of a message does this send to (fill in team QB here)?!?!?"

Hey Steve, remember those huge dudes who kept giving you concussions? Yea, someone drafted them. Sometimes in the first round, too.

point 23 said...
Apr 30, 2007, 7:55:00 PM  

Point 23 - I almost mentioned that in both the blog on Saturday and my above comment, but it couldn't have been said better than you just did.

Also, AA's final paragraph makes me think - who WOULDN'T have gladly accepted the "boom goes the dynamite" kid as part of that crew? Could he have really been worse than Mortensen, who almost wet himself when the crowd loudly cheered a trade while he was talking?

Apr 30, 2007, 10:36:00 PM  

levi jones, that was it.
i'll stop talking to myself now.

Anonymous said...
Apr 30, 2007, 10:58:00 PM  

I don't know who could have OK'd those 2000 Extreme hipster glasses Jaws was wearing.

Awful Chief said...
May 1, 2007, 9:21:00 AM  

Keyshawn was surprisingly good...except for the interview with Jarrett (sp?) That was just painful to watch, and it sounded like Jarrett had never spoken on the phone before, let alone be interviewed.

Maybe next time KJ should start with some open-ended questions.

Interesting site, guys. I wandered over from TBL.


ditb said...
May 1, 2007, 12:38:00 PM  

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