"I'm not here to talk about the past."

That works for both of them!

Roger: Mike, why are you acting like a man who's constantly had a needle stuck up your ass or something?

Eli: Daddy, can I make the Manning Face at that meanie Ronde Barber?

From the ruins of a once legendary reputation, a new, albeit slightly scrawnier, legend is born in New York.

Clemens: "These aren't the droids you're looking for..."

correction

Clemens: "These aren't the roids you're looking for..."

Maybe daddy will stop saying he wasted sperm on me and wished I was a little girl.

Clemens: "Damn, is Mike Wallace gassy. Did he have Mexican for lunch, or is that just old age?"

Eli: "Woo hoo! I'm one playoff win away from hosting Mad TV!"

Clemens: "Maybe if I stare real hard, this guy will die"

Eli: "Playoff win! Bring on Lindsay Lohan!"

Lemme try this again mike...is this a good Manning face?

You're right Mike, thinking about you and Barbara Walters having sex while slathered in mayonaise does make me vomit in my mouth a little bit.

Mike: Do you think Eli has a chance of winning in Tampa today? The spread is too juicy to pass up.

Roger: Juicy? What did you just say to me? I've never taken a damn juicy anything in my life.

Mike: Relax. Everything thinks you're guilty anyone. The most this interview will do is be a nice loop for one you finally admit this Pete Rose style in the book titled "Rocket and Arms - The Life of an Abuser."

Announcer: You've just won a wild card game, where are you going to go?

Eli: I'm going to a karaoke bar!

And now, a priceless pep talk from Eli Manning: Hey there, nepotism a problem in your family? Big brother the model son? Fuck 'em! With guns like these, who needs family?

I'm Roger Clemens, bitch!

Roger Clemens has a sausage burp during his interview on 60 Minutes.

Eli Manning does is best work by doing the African Anteater Ritual Dance.

correction: "Eli Manning does his best work by doing the African Anteater Ritual Dance." (if you've watched "Can't Buy Me Love", you know this dance)

Eli: "I am the King of Kong"

Or (fits for both of them I think) Eli: "I hear Roger Clemens' head is this big"

Roger: I swear if they ask about my wife... I'm going Kenny Rogers on the camera.

Roger: "Damn, I knew I shouldn't have had Taco Bell for lunch."

Eli: "Matt Leinart may be a Manning, but at least I won a playoff game!" (In reference to the Archie Manning/Leinart commercial from a while back.)

One is rumored to have taken it in the ass.
The other is rumored....you get the idea.

"Control the surge...control the surge."

"I can haz playoff viktory?"

Eli - Revenge over Barber is so sweet. What? Tiki doesn't play for Tampa? Who the hell is that then?

Eli: I am unstoppable. I still think "gun show" jokes are hilarious!!!

Ron Burgandy without a moustache. Brick Tamland in a football helmet.

Eli: Dad's not gonna git the belt out tonight, yay!

Works for both: "Why yes, I'm taking it in the butt right now."

See, Mike, if I did steroids, my third eye would be glaring at you too!

Roger: After 24 or 25 years your think I would get an inch of respect? Well at least my head got an inch!!! bigger.

Eli: Take that Payton!!!! I mean Tiki!!!

Roger: I wonder if you can see that third hand growing out of my forehead in High Def

"What does this "C" stand for on my jersey? Duh, 'CRANK THAT SOULJA BOY!!!'"

Eli-What's this weird felling going through me?! Oh, it's emotion

Roger: "Is that Unsilent Majority a fat tub of goo, or what?"

Eli: "Yeah, and he sweats like a pig, too. It's disgusting."