The "Chronicles" Are Back And Some Other Important Site Announcements

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Alrighty folks. The College Football season is getting underway tonight and you know what that means right? The Pam Ward Chronicles are back and in full force. You can see that the beautiful illustration above is our new official logo, and many many thanks go out to Dan Levy (not the FOX guy) of On The DL and 609 Design for coming up with that lovely thing.

To be honest with all of you, I had contemplated changing the name to something like the Mike Patrick Report (silent "T" like the Colbert Report), but in the end the PWC is what people know, and change is scary. I'd also like to say that the title is not in any way sexist and is solely named after Pam Ward because she's a really really really REALLY bad announcer. I know I don't need to explain that to most of you, but there are a few readers who don't seem to get it (and probably never will).

If you've forgotten, the rules are simple. On Saturdays, you find quotes and put them in the comments. From there I'll add yours to the thread, find some of my own as well as a few videos, and we laugh and drink the day away. On Monday, I pick the best ten quotes and points are assigned in reverse order. You can certainly challenge my picks and changes can happen if a good case is made. Best quote (well worst actually) will then get ten points, the next nine and so on.....and good times are had by all. Here were your final standings from last year....

Final Standings- 1. Gary Danielson (60), 2. Brad Nessler(53), 3. Mike Patrick (52), 4. Pam Ward (45), 5. Chris Spielman (44), 6. Andre Ware (34), 7. Lee Corso (31), 8. Paul Maguire (27), 9. Dave Pasch (26), 10. Bob Griese, Tim Brant (23), Post Season Winner- Lou Holtz

Other Site Announcements:

Commenters....You crazy, crazy commenters. I do love you all for taking the time to read the site and discuss the topics of the day, both the dedicated and the cynical. You may have noticed at times over the past few weeks that I have been playing around with comment moderation and have even deleted a few comments. I was really just trying things out, and have since come to the conclusion that I'm not going in that direction for the site. HOWEVAH! Every single racist, demeaning, sexist, homophobic and hateful comment WILL BE deleted. You can spew your hate at whatever message board that you fancy, but it's not going to stay up here.

I like the fact that anonymous people in the business can comment if they want to and people can vent their frustrations. That's why I started the site in the first place. I won't be deleting, or have I ever, deleted a comment that disagrees with me..... I want you to disagree with me and tell me why I'm wrong. I want you to have a place to voice your opinion. As long as you're respectful to each other, you can have all the VORP debates (in a post about Brian Kenny and John Kruk) you want. It makes the site better and it entertains me. Oh and you can also continue to make fun of my grammar if you want to as well. As long as you keep reading, I could care less how you feel about the writing.....I know you''ll keep reading.

S2N is going to be back.... on your weekends in various capacities throughout the rest of the year. His famous Sunday Night NFL Live-Blogs will be back, but you'll also see him in and around the PWC on Saturdays. Everyone say hi and please welcome him back with open arms!

AA is going to be on a brief hiatus....Nothing crazy, but I'm going to get some "me" time in before College Football (really) gets underway on Saturday. It's just two days, but I'm going to try and cleanse myself before diving head long into Football. The funny thing is that I'm going to attempt that by watching Sports live and in person. The main thing is that it will be a break from the computer, which is what I really need. If anyone is going to be either at the Giants-Pats game, or the US Open, in the next two days, hit me up in email and maybe we can grab a drink somewhere.

It's going to be a fun fall at AA this year, and it'll get underway early Saturday. Until then you're just going to see Pam's pretty face at the top of this page, but I think you can live without the site for a few days. With that said, I'm also asking the lot of you to help me get a jump on the "Chronicles" by submitting comments from the announcers from the Thursday and Friday night games in this spot. I'll be completely out of the loop, and I'd greatly appreciate it and if anything crazy happens send up the "AA" signal and I'll find a way to get the video up. So until Saturday....thanks for reading and keep reaching for the stars.

Cheers and XOXO,

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 8:45 AM


Do radio announcers qualify for the Pam Ward Chronicles? Because if so, I will have some quotes from Dave South and the Texas Aggie Radio Network that will blow your mind.

James said...
Aug 28, 2008, 9:01:00 AM  

"I won't be deleting, or have I ever, deleted a comment that disagrees with me..... I want you to disagree with me and tell me why I'm wrong."
I think the correct grammar would be "nor have I ever"

Anonymous said...
Aug 28, 2008, 9:48:00 AM  

this year, you need to send an award/statue/plaque to the winner.


-dan said...
Aug 28, 2008, 10:15:00 AM  

Is this what you had in mind Dan?

Tyler said...
Aug 28, 2008, 11:03:00 AM  

Awesome. I'm ready.

Mike said...
Aug 28, 2008, 11:35:00 AM  

the way ESPN is going -- you just KNOW they're encouraging their announcers to be edgy thinking it will attract viewers. sure that was their comment to all announcers in the pre-season staff meeting. so, mike patrick could make a run at #1 this year.

Anonymous said...
Aug 28, 2008, 11:40:00 AM  

Any predictions on who is going to win anybody?

I've got Danielson repeating.

And AA, would you mind putting up like a college football open thread for tonight?

ssreporters said...
Aug 28, 2008, 12:04:00 PM  

Yippee! I'm so excited college football and the PWC are back! It's like Christmas morning!

Smitty Lite said...
Aug 28, 2008, 12:08:00 PM  

It's a Festivus Miracle!

James - I can only speak for myself, but I have counted wacky radio calls when filling in on Chronicles duty before.

I hope a bunch of you note the stupidity of the three Daves in their last year at Raycom/JP/LF/whatever it is for those of us not in the South.

Signal to Noise said...
Aug 28, 2008, 12:20:00 PM  

I like nitpicking announcers and pointing out gaffes as much as the next guy, but can we also just try to highlight some of the more structurally unsound garbage some of the guys spew? Im not talking about technical stuff, Im just talking about being pedantic, annoying, rude, etc. Mike Patrick is the perfect example of this. Glad to see he also fails epically in the one-liner category.

Sweeltalk Bohomeny said...
Aug 28, 2008, 12:28:00 PM  

Not that anyone cares, but I think it should be noted that I was asked to do the logo, and happily did so. I in no way think Pam Ward is as terrible as AA says.

That is mostly due to the fact that I don't watch women's basketball and 12 noon Big Ten games on ESPN2. I'd rather punch myself in the face with glass covered knuckles.

Dan Levy said...
Aug 28, 2008, 12:34:00 PM  

S2N- I, too, have included radio announcers in my comments. Being a fan of both the Cardinals and UVA, I get a lot of material in the persons of Mike Shannon and Frank Quayle(yes, I know; baseball doesn't count here. I'm just giving an example).
And I'm assuming that Dave Sims is one of the "Daves" you're talking about in regards to JP Sports. He's horrible.

Bruce said...
Aug 28, 2008, 1:08:00 PM  

sweeltalk - that's encouraged, too. Mike Patrick, as you noted, and the deadly combination of Bob Griese and Paul Maguire are good examples of that.

Signal to Noise said...
Aug 28, 2008, 1:15:00 PM  

Whoever wins this as an announcer/analyst will not be able to outdo Paul Maguire. I used to relish in the fact that he was the collective NFL fan's problem, but ever since 2006, I want to shoot myself in the ears :) .

Eric said...
Aug 28, 2008, 1:51:00 PM  

eric - I'm pretty sure Maguire starts every sentence with "let me tell you" or "when you talk about..."

NHZ said...
Aug 28, 2008, 2:11:00 PM  

I sure as hell hope she doesn't get to do any SEC games with this new deal with ESPN.

Smitty said...
Aug 28, 2008, 2:30:00 PM  

Not withstanding the lovely logo, I really wish you would switch the name. That would allow you to honor each year's winner. This year could be the Gary Files, or something like that. Pam finished fourth last year, for goodness sakes. There are so few women in this profession that it seems ridiculous to focus such ire on someone who truly is a trailblazer.
On another topic, I commend you for allowing for negative comments. In fact, you seem to take criticism better than many of your commentators. And you are right to censor offensive posts.
I really do like this site. It's just your knee-jerk commentary I could do without.

AA Hates ESPN said...
Aug 28, 2008, 2:35:00 PM  

aa hates espn, it has been made clear Pam Ward truly sucks, it's trailblazer nothing when you are poor at your job.

ssreporters said...
Aug 28, 2008, 2:38:00 PM  

Plus, they don't rename the Cy Young award after the previous year's winner, do they? Some folks are just destined to have an award named after them, whatever the reason(s) may be.

Bruce said...
Aug 28, 2008, 3:35:00 PM  

I believe Mike Patrick should have won last year's for the Britney Spears comment alone. My god was that awful.

Kyle said...
Aug 28, 2008, 3:53:00 PM  

There will be no screengrab of Craig James' kickass goatee tonight? Damn.

Anonymous said...
Aug 28, 2008, 5:20:00 PM  

Craig James shaved that goatee he had on yesterday's preview of the NC State-S. Carolina game because "he got teased so bad in the production meetings" and it took "three razors to get it off."

Anonymous said...
Aug 28, 2008, 7:17:00 PM  

"No jerkin' for you" - Missed who said it on the NC State/S. Carolina game.

Matt said...
Aug 28, 2008, 8:03:00 PM  

"Immediate penetration for Akers the backer!" - Fowler


Mez said...
Aug 28, 2008, 8:13:00 PM  

Mike Gleason already in mid-season form. He yells at the 20 that the Vandy player is going "to take it to the house", and the returner gets tackled at the 1. "Oh, he's not going to take it to the house."

Possession afterthe long return, Nickson gets into the endzone, line judge clearly raises his arms, signaling TD. Gleason says no indication yet, and he's sure they didn't make it in, as the Vandy PAT unit is running on the field. "That was a very late call."

Jeff the Web Guy said...
Aug 28, 2008, 8:23:00 PM  

Reece Davis on Hofstra:

"The artists formally known as the Flying Dutchmen that should always want to be known as the Flying Dutchmen instead of the Pride or whatever it is they want to be called now"

Anonymous said...
Aug 28, 2008, 9:34:00 PM  

You think Jesse Palmer could learn how to tie a tie? It's about 5 inches too short...

You want me to tie you up with some of your ties, Tie?


Smitty Lite said...
Aug 28, 2008, 9:48:00 PM  

Ron Frankin during Stanford-Oregon St game, while promoting the Chick-Fil-A College Kickoff, pronounces it Chick Filla..Has he never heard of the brand before?

Anonymous said...
Aug 28, 2008, 10:44:00 PM  

Ha ha ha, my dad calls it Chick Filla too. That's awesome...

Smitty Lite said...
Aug 28, 2008, 10:54:00 PM  

FSN now officially has worse graphics than Versus. I know their games are broadcast on other networks like Comcast Sportsnet, but you should recognize their network somehow. The only thing I can identify on tonight's broadcast is Gary Reasons, 'cause the guy never shuts up.

Anonymous said...
Aug 28, 2008, 11:03:00 PM  

Ed Cunningham: "Who knew that Jim Harbaugh was a Men Without Hats fan, doing the safety dance?"

Anonymous said...
Aug 28, 2008, 11:38:00 PM  

Ed Cunningham just suggested Stanford go for 2 up 8. What the hell was he smoking?

Anonymous said...
Aug 28, 2008, 11:51:00 PM  

Here's the coverage maps for the "reverse mirror" 3:30 ABC/ESPN2 game & the 8:00 ABC game.

Aug 28, 2008, 11:56:00 PM  

Referee in the Stanford-Oregon St. game: "Illegal block in the back, above the waist"

Doesn't a block in the back automatically qualify it as above the waist? Is there a part of the back below the waist i am unaware of?

Smitty Lite said...
Aug 29, 2008, 12:26:00 AM  

Ed Cunningham, "Oregon State has got Stanford on the ropes." Stanford was up 29-20 at the time.

matt said...
Aug 29, 2008, 1:10:00 AM  

Can I still make Kobe Bryant and ahem,... Colorado, jokes, or at least raise questions about ARod sexual preference?

If you say no, then I demand that you stop putting up Kobe and ARod caption contest.

t hinds said...
Aug 29, 2008, 12:02:00 PM  

"As long as you keep reading, I could care less how you feel about the writing.....I know you''ll keep reading."

So you could care less how we feel??? C'mon, drop it all the way to the bottom and not care any less about us!

P.S. Keep up the great work. Great fun to read the site.

mtjaws said...
Aug 29, 2008, 1:34:00 PM  

The App. State-LSU game is now 11 AM EDT on ESPN Classic, moved up because of possible evacuation routes concerning Tropical Storm Gustav.

Aug 29, 2008, 2:14:00 PM  

This has just been confirmed...tomorrow is Saturday.

Anonymous said...
Aug 29, 2008, 2:23:00 PM  

"Every single racist, demeaning, sexist, homophobic and hateful comment WILL BE deleted."

/now cannot point out the slight resemblance that ESPNews' Michele LaFountain has with a certain "Chronicles" announcer

Anonymous said...
Aug 29, 2008, 2:38:00 PM  


Roger Ebert, a former colleague of Jay Mariotti at the Sun-Times, publicly rips Mariotti...

CraigNY said...
Aug 29, 2008, 6:14:00 PM  

Here's a good one from Shaun King calling the Army/Temple game:

On red zone defense percentage:

"And that's a great st-sta-statistic if you're a defensive coordinator because that means you don't allow people to score points. If the opposing team can't score, then it's tougher for them to win."

Thanks for the insight! :)

Eric said...
Aug 29, 2008, 7:54:00 PM  

Is king the one doing the analysis ? He is practically unlistenunable

jg said...
Aug 29, 2008, 8:24:00 PM  

In a surprise, Lou Holtz picked Utah to beat Michigan. Not the pick I expected from.

And who thought the DR Lou segment was a better idea than the pep talk ? I didnt like the pep talks, but this is even worse.

jg said...
Aug 29, 2008, 8:50:00 PM  

Tessitore: "(Rice TE James) Casey (240 lbs.) could put on 290 lbs. and be the starting right guard."

Unless Casey's trying to get on workers' comp like Homer Simpson, he meant 50 lbs. Aaron Gibson wasn't even that fat.
Couldn't agree more on the "Dr. Lou" segment, jg.

Aug 29, 2008, 9:18:00 PM  


Roger Ebert, a former colleague of Jay Mariotti at the Sun-Times, publicly rips Mariotti..."

Too bad Ebert was totally wrong. Other than that, it was great seeing someone rip Mariotti.

JFreak said...
Aug 29, 2008, 10:08:00 PM  

Unrelated note: I thought Charles Barkley was a Republican. Why is he at the DNC with Captain Morgan? If Dana Jacobsen was seen with Admiral Nelson at the RNC in St. Paul, he'd cut his vacation short and have a 500-word post condemning Dana's debauchery.

/AA Hates ESPN

Tainted Alligator Souffle said...
Aug 29, 2008, 10:11:00 PM  

jfreak - Douchebags with no comedic or intellectual skills coming out of the woodwork to rip on Jay Mariotti because it is an easy thing to do.

\people who rip on AA Hates ESPN on this site
\\people who rip on PurdueMatt on The Big Lead

Anonymous said...
Aug 29, 2008, 10:21:00 PM  

Rod Gilmore in Rice-SMU game..."The record he said he will be most proudest of..."

RockchalkJayhawk said...
Aug 29, 2008, 11:02:00 PM  

Rod Gilmore- "Wait until we see their (SMU's) offense in weeks 4 through 5"

Justin said...
Aug 30, 2008, 12:04:00 AM  

AA keep up the great work. My main concern has always been your tendency to bring up topics concerning race. I hope you don't blog a story where somebody says something borderline politically incorrect in the future and takedown all comments that say you are overreacting.

Zabka said...
Aug 30, 2008, 2:14:00 AM  

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