Chris Mortensen Knows Nothing About Football And Other Highlights From Your 2008 ESPN "Celebrity" Draft!

Friday, August 15, 2008

Last year's ESPN Celebrity Fantasy Football challenge was so competitive that I didn't think they could do it again. I mean how do you replace such marquee names as Sean Salisbury, Mark Schlereth, Steve Young, and The Big Lead's Best Friend, Jerry O'Connell? Well I'll tell you how....

With f'ing Method Man (TICAL!), Merril Hoge, Roy Williams and Summer Sanders....That's How! Well all of those names mean nothing when you have Chris Mortensen returning to the fray. You would think that the number one NFL reporter on ESPN, would know something about the Sport he covers but alas....let's go to the videotape!!!

He seriously picked McFadden in the second and Devin Hester in the seventh....In an eight team league!!! Are you kidding me?!? This is the guy you go to for all your insider Football information? The same guy who in the draft picked Devin Hester because, "he's a receiver now," and, "he's going to touch the ball twenty times a game," and because the Bears have Kyle Orton!!! Good god. I'm pretty sure Mort has never watched the Bears.....ever. The guy just continues to amaze me and not in a good way. Oh and everyone please check out Roy Williams' team if you have a chance. Guess where he drafted? Of course right after ESPN's Football expert, Chris Mortensen.

I'd also be remiss to not comment on Merril Hoge. He's seriously drafted the following starting lineup: Hasselbeck, AP, Brandon Jacobs, Rashard Mendenhall?!, Santonio Holmes, Anthony Gonzalez and Ben Utecht

How are these people still employed? They deserve to be fired after that showing.

Other highlights:

- Matthew Berry calling Mort's pick of Westbrook a pick four.
- T.O. lasting until Round Three
- Method Man picking Tight Ends in both Round Five and Six (clearly wasted)
- Ronnie Brown lasting until Round 8

Good times!

2008 ESPN Celebrity League Rosters (ESPN Fantasy)
2007 ESPN "Celebrity" Fantasy Football League Filled With Big Names (Awful Announcing)


Westbrook is a steal at four. He should go in the top three of every draft. Maybe it's you who knows nothing about fantasy football.

Also: Mendenhall's getting a lot of red zone carries and will score a few touchdowns. He's not bad for a third running back.

Anonymous said...
Aug 15, 2008, 2:18:00 PM  

Getting a player one spot after his projected spot is not a steal dumbass.

Go away Merril!

Mike said...
Aug 15, 2008, 2:22:00 PM  

1) An 8-team league is stupid and every team should be ridiculously stacked. Sad that the Leader couldn't come up with 4 more participants.

2) I agree with anon, Westbrook is a nice pick at 4. Unfortunately, ESPN is way behind the times and should be picking teams with a fantasy auction. It's the wave of the future!

3) In the analysts'/reporters' defense, they study the REAL game, not fantasy football, and probably never have time to worry about a fantasy team.

4) ESPN's fantasy 'experts' are terrible -- NEVER listen to them for advice. Matthew Berry is the king of "no, duh" fantasy advice (e.g. "start Matt Hasselbeck instead of Tarvaris Jackson this week").

Jay said...
Aug 15, 2008, 2:23:00 PM  

The viewers of ESPN are reporting that Chris Mortensen sucks. Seriously, how does someone with so little knowledge not only keep his job, but is actively promoted as being an expert? Oh yeah, he works for the WWL, where talent and knowing your field is not a prerequisite qualification .....

Anonymous said...
Aug 15, 2008, 3:47:00 PM  

You need to watch this not for the fantasy decision-making, but as if it is a 90 minute comedy. Cheese Wagstaff blatantly just reading stats off of a sheet of paper that was handed to him AND taking a Mike Martz RB 3rd. Merrill Hoge being retarded. Mortensen being even more retarded. Summer Sanders asking everyone not to make fun of her. Trey Wingo trying to be a smartass. Tim Hasselbeck actually being on TV.

It's comedic genius!

GMoney said...
Aug 15, 2008, 4:03:00 PM  

Mort's son plays QB for Arkansas. He was being a blatant homer by picking two Razorbacks.

(And by "play" I mean stands around with a clipboard.)

Anonymous said...
Aug 15, 2008, 4:19:00 PM  

McFadden and Jones will be awesome. Jones might need a year, but RunDMC is for real. I guess I am just like Mort.

Dmac will get 1500-2200 all purpose yards this year. No Doubt!

ethanator1088 said...
Aug 15, 2008, 5:07:00 PM  

McFadden is this year's Purple Jesus. But Hester in the 7th is still retarded.

BF said...
Aug 15, 2008, 10:28:00 PM  

Summer Sanders is still looking hot.

Taylor said...
Aug 15, 2008, 10:50:00 PM  

The Fantasy Football special was one of the most disappointing show ESPN has done in a while. It totally lacked credibility and any useful information. The only saving grace was that Summer Sanders is a hottie.

Mal said...
Aug 15, 2008, 11:43:00 PM  

Is there somewhere online where I can watch the whole segment? I can't find it on youtube, and doesn't show all the picks/commentary.

Zach said...
Aug 20, 2008, 6:22:00 AM  

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