The Pam Ward Chronicles: Week Six

Friday, October 05, 2007


Welcome back to our weekly installment of The Pam Ward Chronicles. I'm going to be keeping track of the Announcing Quotes throughout the day and I ask that you join in. Please leave any that you come across in the comments or feel free to email me at AwfulAnnouncing@Gmail.com. Other goodness will be happening underneath this post so be sure to check it out.

I'm going to be gone for most of the day, so leave your quotes in the comments and I'll post them when I can. Enjoy the day!

Here are the standings after five weeks........

1. Chris Spielman (23)
2. Brad Nessler (20)
3. Gary Danielson (19)
4. Paul Maguire (17)
5. Bob Griese, Lee Corso (16)
7. Mike Patrick (14)
8. Pam Ward (13)
9. Tim Brandt (11)
10. Pat Haden, Dave Pasch, Gerry Dinardo (9)

Others Receiving Votes: Tom Hart (8), Mark Jones (7), Brent Musburger (7), Thom Brennaman (7), Andre Ware (7), Sean McDonough (7), , John Saunders (6), Quint Kessenich (6), Charles Arbuckle (5), Ray Bentley (6), Mike Tirico (4), Dan Fouts (4), Desmond Howard (3), Jim Donnan (3), Doug Flutie (3.5), Erin Andrews (3), Craig James (2.5), Todd Blackledge (2)

College Football Week #6 Announcing Teams (Awful Announcing)
_______________________________________________

"It's going to be Bulls on Parade for the rest of the season."- Chris Fowler, discussing South Florida's schedule (Via Matt)

He made that same joke a week ago. Come on Chris.

LSU Fans have a message for you Superman.....



Paint me next! Paint me next!!!



Did Arrelious Benn (WR Illinois) change his name to "Regis"? That's what Andre Ware and his PBP partner have been calling him all day. (Via Henry)

The illustrious Ray Bentley breaking down a replay review of a potential catch vs incomplete pass:

"His knee was down and then the ball came out, so it should be an incomplete pass."

"This call is going to go one way or the other". (via Anonymous)

"Pushing...pushing...and it's in the end zone!" - Bill Land, making a K-State rushing touchdown sound like childbirth. (via Signal to Noise)

Thanks to ESPN we know J Lehman's dads name is Happy and he is a pastor. A pastor named Happy Lehman.

Also we learned that U of I grads invented the LED, the MRI and Plasma TV. (via Steve)

I think baseball on TBS has sapped me of my will to dig up quotes.

I'm still trying to decipher Jose Mota's comments.

Is "ajhdkadjayel" a word? (via Steve)

Did no one else notice the "Tebow Wears Jorts" sign? That was the best ever. (via Chris Mottram)

"happiness is about having a poor memory. if you can't remember what happened yesterday you'll feel pretty good today"

lou holtz (yes it was during a "pep talk", but still) (via Garrett)

"...this Wildcat team had a costly turnover last week." - Ray Bentley. He was talking about a UNC player. (via Michael)

"The ball squirts out." - Pam Ward (via Michael)

"That was meat on meat right there." - Dave Pasch (via anonymous)

Erin Andrews was just talking about some Illinois player..."The trainer was checking out [his] right neck." (via GMoney)

"I don't think Edgerrin James was a Freshmen at age 29." - Ray Bentley. (There was a graphic comparing Edge to his cousin at Miami, and their stats from freshmen year.) (via Michael)

"I've never seen a crowd sweat so much out here." - Paul Maguire (via Signal to Noise)

"I would have been 300 pounds and loving every minute of it." - Bob Wischusen, while discussing the Penn State course where you learn to make ice cream and work at the creamery in Beaver Stadium. (via Signal to Noise)

"Colt McCoy looks like he's 12. I don't think he's even shaved yet." - Paul Maguire, racking it up. (via Signal to Noise)

An outstanding touchdown call from the Tenn-GA game: "An end-around and now they’re gonna throw it deep! Caught! Forget it! For-get-it! Touchdown Tennessee!" (via Chris Mottram)

"That hit on McCoy was only second to the one I got from the policeman in the elevator after I did my stand-up." - Brad Nessler

"You should have been wearing your press pass." - Paul Maguire (via Signal to Noise)

At one point, the color announcer in the UNC-Miami game referred to the Tar Heels as the "Wildcats." (Via RL)

"This thing is completely even at ten, but again the two missed field goals by the Seminoles.....maybe the could be in front here."- Dave Lamont

"Benjamin Williams, they know him in Tampa. He's saying HEY USA, HERE I AM!" - Doug Bell

This is during a game on ESPNU. Against Florida Atlantic. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say not that many people are watching. (Via Anon)

"They are tight-ending Oklahoma to death"- Brad Nessler (Via Matt)

"(Florida OL Jim) Tartt's has a mouthful of Glenn Dorsey all night."- Gary Danielson (Via Anon)

"Did you see any of those events in 1969?"- Ron Franklin
"I was in my mom most of 1969."- Ed Cunningham

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 11:37 PM

62 Comments:

Dawg, what's with you posting the exact same video right on top of each other? Not cool.

Anonymous said...
Oct 6, 2007, 12:46:00 PM  

is it just me, or does erin andrews have the biggest face/body disparity in the history of the planet?

like, her body is an 11, her face is a negative-2.

Lozo said...
Oct 6, 2007, 12:58:00 PM  

Wow, this blog is rocking. 1 whole comments. Amazing.

Anonymous said...
Oct 6, 2007, 12:59:00 PM  

"Tyler Donovan, testing the airwaves again." - Dave Pasch

Did they put a muzzle on everyone today? I've not heard a whole lot of stupid yet (then again, Nessler/Maguire/Griese is still to come).

Signal to Noise said...
Oct 6, 2007, 1:03:00 PM  

Love you too Anon. I know it's not the 80 that last week's had.

Oct 6, 2007, 1:03:00 PM  

Anon #1- I felt like the video needed its own space and link. They will separate as the day goes on....is it really bothering you that much?

Oct 6, 2007, 1:04:00 PM  

Dawg, not hatin, just making an observation. I love the blog. The commenters need to step it up.

Anonymous said...
Oct 6, 2007, 1:06:00 PM  

Cool Dawg.

Oct 6, 2007, 1:09:00 PM  

Did Arrelious Benn (WR Illinois) change his name to "Regis"? That's what Andre Ware and his PBP partner have been calling him all day.

Henry Gomez said...
Oct 6, 2007, 1:10:00 PM  

Dawg, why you gotta be playa hatin? By the way, you should let me be a guest blogger.

Anonymous said...
Oct 6, 2007, 1:14:00 PM  

The illustrious Ray Bentley breaking down a replay review of a potential catch vs incomplete pass:

"His knee was down and then the ball came out, so it should be an incomplete pass."

"This call is going to go one way or the other".

Anonymous said...
Oct 6, 2007, 1:16:00 PM  

Benn's nickname is Regis, so the announcers are correct.

The Syracuse/West Virginia PBP guy called his sideline reporter Sarah Kustok "Tara". They must be close.

Anonymous said...
Oct 6, 2007, 1:21:00 PM  

Henry -- Benn was "Regis Benn" when the season started and then let it be known he wanted to be known by "Arrelious."

"Pushing...pushing...and it's in the end zone!" - Bill Land, making a K-State rushing touchdown sound like childbirth.

Signal to Noise said...
Oct 6, 2007, 1:23:00 PM  

im way too hungover to leave my room to watch tv at the moment, but just thought i would add that i looked at simmons' column for the first time in a year today and stopped as soon as i hit 'my buddy house'
really does seem like its being written by the simmons mad libs generator

Mike Georger said...
Oct 6, 2007, 1:24:00 PM  

mike, no tv in your room?? what a tragedy.

Anonymous said...
Oct 6, 2007, 1:27:00 PM  

Thanks to ESPN we know J Lehman's dads name is Happy and he is a pastor. A pastor named Happy Lehman.

Also we learned that U of I grads invented the LED, the MRI and Plasma TV.

Steve said...
Oct 6, 2007, 1:28:00 PM  

I think baseball on TBS has sapped me of my will to dig up quotes.

I'm still trying to decipher Jose Mota's comments.

Is "ajhdkadjayel" a word?

Steve said...
Oct 6, 2007, 1:31:00 PM  

Did no one else notice the "Tebow Wears Jorts" sign? That was the best ever.

Chris Mottram said...
Oct 6, 2007, 1:38:00 PM  

I take it you're not looking for guest bloggers? I'm highly qualified. Actually over qualified.

Anonymous said...
Oct 6, 2007, 1:52:00 PM  

"happiness is about having a poor memory. if you can't remember what happened yesterday you'll feel pretty good today"

lou holtz (yes it was during a "pep talk", but still

garrettB said...
Oct 6, 2007, 1:53:00 PM  

i dont know the guys name, but on the fsn college football show on of the announcers just said 'aww skeet ... thats football talk for i just got an interception'

Mike Georger said...
Oct 6, 2007, 1:55:00 PM  

*one of the announcers

goddamn st marys beer rots the brain. the electric yellow has me by the brain banana

Mike Georger said...
Oct 6, 2007, 1:57:00 PM  

'...this Wildcat team had a costly turnover last week." - Ray Bentley. He was talking about a UNC player.

Michael said...
Oct 6, 2007, 2:16:00 PM  

"The ball squirts out." - Pam Ward

Michael said...
Oct 6, 2007, 2:19:00 PM  

That was meat on meat right there - Dave Pasch

Anonymous said...
Oct 6, 2007, 2:34:00 PM  

Erin Andrews was just talking about some Illinois player...

"The trainer was checking out [his] right neck."

GMoney said...
Oct 6, 2007, 2:49:00 PM  

"I don't think Edgerrin James was a Freshmen at age 29." - Ray Bentley. (There was a graphic comparing Edge to his cousin at Miami, and their stats from freshmen year.)

Michael said...
Oct 6, 2007, 3:09:00 PM  

"I've never seen a crowd sweat so much out here." - Paul Maguire

Signal to Noise said...
Oct 6, 2007, 3:41:00 PM  

"I would have been 300 pounds and loving every minute of it." - Bob Wischusen, while discussing the Penn State course where you learn to make ice cream and work at the creamery in Beaver Stadium.

Signal to Noise said...
Oct 6, 2007, 3:55:00 PM  

"Colt McCoy looks like he's 12. I don't think he's even shaved yet." - Paul Maguire, racking it up.

Signal to Noise said...
Oct 6, 2007, 4:17:00 PM  

An outstanding touchdown call from the Tenn-GA game: "An end-around and now they’re gonna throw it deep! Caught! Forget it! For-get-it! Touchdown Tennessee!"

I can't be the only one here who just saw that.

Chris Mottram said...
Oct 6, 2007, 4:18:00 PM  

"That hit on McCoy was only second to the one I got from the policeman in the elevator after I did my stand-up." - Brad Nessler
"You should have been wearing your press pass." - Paul Maguire

Mottram - Craig Bolerjack, gotta love the hyperbole.

Signal to Noise said...
Oct 6, 2007, 4:21:00 PM  

He's from the Gus Johnson school of broadcasting, which I fully endorse.

Chris Mottram said...
Oct 6, 2007, 4:23:00 PM  

I second that...and sorry Anon I ran out. Feel free to send an email if you want to guest blog. I don't know when I'd need someone, but I appreciate the offer.

Oct 6, 2007, 5:03:00 PM  

And how the hell do I not get the Tex-OK game? No Paul Maguire!?!? I'm pissed.

I get James Hasty and FSU-NCST....ugh.

Oct 6, 2007, 5:09:00 PM  

Can we just get someone to teach all broadcasters that you cannot decline delay of game penalties? Please?

Anonymous said...
Oct 6, 2007, 5:39:00 PM  

The crew in OU-UT keeps referring to "corny dogs" - does anyone else not call them corndogs?

Anonymous said...
Oct 6, 2007, 6:18:00 PM  

"Benjamin Williams, they know him in Tampa. He's saying HEY USA, HERE I AM!" - Doug Bell

This is during a game on ESPNU. Against Florida Atlantic. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say not that many people are watching.

Anonymous said...
Oct 6, 2007, 6:39:00 PM  

While I was waiting for the UF-LSU game to start, I noticed that when CBS showed the Maryland-GT & Auburn-Vandy highlights, they went 'George Michael Sports Machine' and covered up the 'Lincoln Financial Sports' logo.
At first, I thought they did that with all the logos, but none of the ESPN or Big Ten Network logos were covered up.

Anonymous said...
Oct 6, 2007, 8:20:00 PM  

Yo yo yo I got a 5 dolla radio!

Anonymous said...
Oct 6, 2007, 8:21:00 PM  

Why does it not surprise me that ice cream making is a course at Penn State? It's probably a five-credit class, too.

Oct 6, 2007, 9:10:00 PM  

Mike Patrick just said, "It is now an 11-point game, so they can try for a field goal." What, if Clemson can get that, and a touchdown, plus a two-point conversion, so that they can tie the game?

wrijos3222 said...
Oct 6, 2007, 9:42:00 PM  

I forget in the game where Mike Patrick said it, but he said "Virginia Tech had one tough test against LSU, and they got murdered."
It was either late in the 2nd Quarter or early in the 3rd.

Anonymous said...
Oct 6, 2007, 10:12:00 PM  

Vs.' Ron Thulin on Stanford's GW TD: "Touchdown, USC!!!.....I mean Stanford."

Anonymous said...
Oct 6, 2007, 10:40:00 PM  

Brent Musberger:
"DIRRRRRRTYYYYY SEXXXXYYYYY MONNNNNEYYYYYYY...WEDNESDAYYYSSS ON ABCCCC."

just him saying this is awful

GusJohnsonForGod said...
Oct 6, 2007, 10:58:00 PM  

I don't know if you get Versus, but whoever the terrible announcers were for the Stanford-USC upset, they made more mistakes in the last five minutes of that game (including the play by play guy yelling "TOUCHDOWN USC!" at the top of his lungs when Stanford scored, then saying "I got so excited, I messed up the teams!", and the other guy guessing if Stanford was going to go for two or kick the extra point when it was 23-23) than I've heard in any game not involving Her Majesty Pam Ward.

ben said...
Oct 6, 2007, 11:59:00 PM  

On Florida's last possession, Gary Danielson said: "(Florida OL Jim) Tartt's has a mouthful of Glenn Dorsey all night."
Thanks for the mental image.

Anonymous said...
Oct 7, 2007, 12:04:00 AM  

I know it's not football but this a classic showing these guys dont have a clue.

With Brian Fuentes pitching to Pat Burrell with 2-2 count and 2 out in the top of the 8th we get:
"You can expect something off speed here, most likely his very good change up". - Joe Simpson

Burrell struck out on a 93 mph fastball. Nice call Joe.

Steve said...
Oct 7, 2007, 12:30:00 AM  

"It him right in the helmet, right in the head." -Gary Danielson

Where else would your helmet be?

B-Sells said...
Oct 7, 2007, 12:31:00 AM  

Brent Musberger:
"DIRRRRRRTYYYYY SEXXXXYYYYY MONNNNNEYYYYYYY...WEDNESDAYYYSSS ON ABCCCC."

just him saying this is awful


Just him saying it is CREEPY.

Steve said...
Oct 7, 2007, 12:32:00 AM  

since theres no baseball blog tonight im throwing this in here

im already tired of people saying things like 'oh great a west coast nlcs, noone on the east coast will watch'

fuck whoever doesnt watch on the east coast if they call themselves baseball fans. if you were hoping to see two teams with shit pitching and dingers, yeah its a goddamn shame the cubs and phillies got knocked out. but if you want to watch good baseball, this is the best possible scenario. i seem to remember the one game playoff being on real late and it being one of the most exciting games ive ever seen

if youre a fan of baseball youll watch the playoffs no matter what time its on, if youre a douchebag who just likes east coast teams who have stars doing subway commercials, go fuck yourself

Mike Georger said...
Oct 7, 2007, 1:02:00 AM  

Vs. listed USC as the #1 team on their graphics? And said during the game that Stanford beat the #1 team?

What, are they now counting the Sagarin Ratings?

I just think it's funny. USC has some real short memories. You see, they're not #1 in the AP poll. And according to them, that's the only poll that mattered in 2003.

By the way, the "experts" were wrong about them at the beginning of this year. The "experts" were wrong about them last year. The "experts" were wrong about them two years ago. I'm beginning to think that the "experts" who said that "USC was clearly the best team in the country" in 2003 may have been wrong too.

Anonymous said...
Oct 7, 2007, 1:21:00 AM  

Late in the Nebraska-Mizzou game, Ron Franklin was running down the events that happened the last time Missouri won a conference title, then asked Ed Cunningham:
Ron (paraphrasing): Did you see any of those events in 1969?
Ed: I was in my mom most of 1969.
There are better ways of phrasing that, Ed.

P.S. The Rockies game isn't an hour old and such a defensive, bitter and vitriol-filled post.
I would say 'Enjoy the NLCS', but you'd find something to moan about.

Anonymous said...
Oct 7, 2007, 1:27:00 AM  

USC was #1 in the Coaches Poll, which seems to be used only by Fox and Versus.

Anonymous said...
Oct 7, 2007, 1:28:00 AM  

nah it just bugs me that there are comments like this 'colorado vs arizona....not one tv east of denver will be tuned in. money well spent tbs, maybe they should run reruns of alice instead (it will pull in better numbers)' over on deadspin

im just tired of the mentality sports only matter east of the mississippi. and i live on the east coast

Mike Georger said...
Oct 7, 2007, 1:34:00 AM  

and in regards to the coaches poll, i would guess fox uses it since they have the rights to the BCS championship and the coaches poll is used for those calculations rather than the ap poll

Mike Georger said...
Oct 7, 2007, 1:36:00 AM  

yo yo yo i got a 5 dolla radio

Anonymous said...
Oct 7, 2007, 1:51:00 AM  

Mike already posted the answer, but yes, that's why Fox and VS use it.

As for USC - I've thought their whole "dynasty" run was a joke ever since ESPN did their original (pre-Who's Now) example of idiotic series with their "How would this awesome USC team match up against the GREATEST TEAMS IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL HISTORY." As if I needed to hear Corso say that Reggie Bush could beat Red Grange.

The best part of that was, after the Texas upset, raising the question of whether this meant that the Texas team was somehow better than all of them COMBINED.

ben said...
Oct 7, 2007, 10:53:00 AM  

Personally I will watch the Colorado-Arizona series I am fan of the sport.

But as someone with a broadcast media background I also know a Phillies/Cubs NLCS would have drawn way better just based on the market sizes for those two teams. (Chicago is the 3rd largest(3.43 mil), Philadelphia is 4th (2.92), Phoenix is 14th (1.66), Denver (1.40) is 18th. Phoenix and Denver barely combine to beat Philly in size).

I also think from a media standpoint Phillies/Cubs would have made a better story because of the long suffering fans of the Cubs and the angst that Philly fans have for their team as well even though their championship drought is only about one-fourth as long.

Steve said...
Oct 7, 2007, 12:04:00 PM  

Did anyone hear Ron Thulin go Touchdown USC when Stanford scored the winning TD?

Mookie said...
Oct 7, 2007, 12:47:00 PM  

yeah its mentioned a few posts up from yours (maybe 10 posts).

Steve said...
Oct 7, 2007, 12:48:00 PM  

Here's a Dan Dierdorf gem from today, I had no idea where else to put this:

"If Webster's had a definition for competitiveness, it would be Trent Green."

Umm, Dan, I'm pretty sure Webster's has heard of that word.

GMoney said...
Oct 7, 2007, 2:03:00 PM  

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