I hope you guys out here are ready for a $200 million payroll. These World Series championships don't come cheap. Just ask the A's.

You see, I was actually awake for that picture. I'm actually sleeping right now. I can talk in my sleep, I used to do it to Steinbrenner all the time, that fuckin jerkoff.

"Shout out to Grady Little who just lost his job due to me, AGAIN!!!"

Could someone please put the words "Suck on that Hal Steinbrenner" on the jumbotron before we continue?

I need to talk with someone to get, "Looks shocking like George H.W. Bush in a profile shot," added to that scoreboard.

Dodger fans are already showing Torre what to expect by leaving his press confrence halfway through.

Joe: "What do you mean no sleeping on the job? What kind of sh*thole is this??"

"Hey honey, you think that Carl's Jr is still open? I could really go for a burger right now"

There Joe stood wondering... "Where are all the hobos?"

F*cking A! My chin is HUGE on that jumbotron. Good thing I'm in LA.

Hey, it's Enrico Palazzo!

Sadly the Jumbotron just wasn't Jumbo enough to list his entire resume, which includes "Member of Screen Actors Guild", "Eleven-Inch Wang", and "High Score on Pac-Man"

Hey, where's the Bank of America advertisement?

When my three years are up here, those stats will be the exact same as they are now.

Joe Torre felt the pressure as the Dodgers flashed the incentive benchmarks for his contract - especially those last two.

You guys want to play a game of Coleco vision on the bigscreen, ok, check this out.

Christ, I didn't know that you could smell Steinbrenner all the way out here, he had the smell of moldy cheese wrapped in Dave Kingman's jock and sweatsocks buried in a rotting deer carcass.

The worst thing you ever smelled in your life. Made me physically sick.

". . . and really, folks, what sealed the deal for me to come here was when Tommy was going on and on about getting one of those swirly things. I'm really going to have to get one of those."

I'd like to thank Grady Little for stepping down, and I'd also like to announce the signing of Aaron Boone.

Get a good look people, this is the last time you'll see my face without my finger in my nose.

I'm smiling because I know something you don't - Suzyn Waldman is coming out here with me - take that Vin Scully.

Well, even on the Jumbotron, my head's smaller than Peyton Manning's!


Or


All across the country, turkey hunters were aroused by the neck wattle on Torre.

This is all nice and well, but where's section 3?

4 World Championships, 6 pennants, 12 consecutive post season appearances, all time leader in post season wins (76), 9 time all star as a player, 1971 National League MVP.

It's Miller time.

that's one sweet iPhone

What are those funny looking trees? Never seen those in the Bronx. Thank god I won't have to be interviewed by Waldman and Sterling anymore!!

I am with you always my son....use the bunt young Torre, use the bunt.

As part of his new incentive laden contract with the Dodgers, the Yankees have agreed to provide his new club with an obnoxiously large digital picture frame listing all of his NY acheivments.

And the next book I would like to discuss...."6 signs you know it's time to fire your manager!" - by George Steinbrenner (With foreward from Brian Cashman)

4 World Championships & 12 Post Season Apearences - $2,000,000,000

Blowing 3-0 lead to the Sox - $201,000,000

Losing to the Indians - $8,000,000

Telling Hank Steinbrenner to stick it and making him look the fool - Priceless

I love speaking to no one but huge, inflated pictures of ME!!!!!

Are any good plastic surgeons that are Dodgers fans and hate the Yankees? I could use some work if I were to go out on Sunset Boulevard.