Sunday, November 18, 2007
I open tonight's live blog by noting that tonight is NBC's first of the Flex games for this NFL season, and relating it to the photo at your right by saying I bet that Gisele is able to flex in ways I could only dream of. Again, we're setting the "Brady On-Air B.J." over/under for Al and John at 25. Record keeping is encouraged in comments, as usual.
Wow, this Faith Hill intro with the whole benching the bass player was badly conceived. I didn't know the writers' strike was hitting THAT hard.
"Tom Brady, he's as close to perfect as you can be, and he's just fun to watch." - JM
"Perfect is the operative word." - AM
Brady Blow-Job Count: 1.
faith hill can make the least-wittiest comment in the history of mankind, and I would still do her 6 ways from Sunday. - Dummy
I'd agree with this more if I didn't hate pop-country so damn much.
Hey, did anyone else see Brady heading up to the booth and dropping his pants? - Mookie
He just wears a robe up there in the press box. Easier access.
Affirming sad-music montage for Kevin Everett, who is actually interviewed and it's shown over the stadium screen. That actually warms my very, very cynical heart. Best of luck to him. Buffalo will get the ball to start here. Terence McGee is nailed inside the 20, and here comes Losman and the Bills offense, without Marshawn Lynch. Losman goes right to Lee Evans on first down for 16 yards, and we'll probably be seeing a lot of that if the Patriots don't stop it. Adalius Thomas whacks Losman for a sack on second down.
Madden mentions that the Bills expected to see a 3-4 and would be confused by seeing Thomas on the line. Why, I'm not sure -- when in Baltimore, Thomas was used as a linebacker, a down lineman, and even in the secondary -- he's that freakishly good.
Randall Gay picks off Losman on 3rd down, and here comes the Dreamboat and Straight Cash with a short field. Not good for the Buffalo fans, plus a personal foul for a late hit. Brady slings it to Jabar Gaffney at the 4 for a first down right off the bat.
"Just look at him, how cool and calm and collected, the pace that he plays the game at is amazing." - JM, that's #2.
Laurence Maroney just walks into the end zone, and how many of you drafted him in fantasy early to have him hurt and get his first rushing TD of the season just then? Kick is up and good, so the Pats are up 7-0 within two minutes of the start of the game. Yikes. If NE's going to score at this clip, we may have a 40-something point differential by the end of the first half. I don't think NBC flexed for this game in order to get something non-competitive.
McGee is taken down on the kickoff, and here comes Losman again. Three and out after two rushes by Anthony Thomas and a broken play forces Losman to rush to avoid a sack. Here comes the punt team. Pats will have it at their own 37, and Al just called the Patriots' O "The Brady Bunch."
Oh, and the bump music was the Goo Goo Dolls' "Broadway." NBC likes to practice localism when it can.
John Madden just called the Bills coach Jick. - Sebastian
"It's gone up from 34 degrees to 36 right now, so global warming has come to Buffalo." - AM
Donte' Stallworth drops an easy one on 2nd and 3 from Brady. First down at the 41 as Brady converts by tossing to TE Benjamin Watson.
"Look how calm Tom Brady is, there's a pass rush, four defensive ends....the faster they come, the slower he gets. He slows everything down." - JM. DING! #3.
Weird, Randy Moss' intro, he doesn't mention Marshall University, I don't think. Rare dropped pass by Randy Moss. A bit of bye-week rust, or moss? (Yeah, not so funny.) Randy just made up for it -- next pass is in the corner of the end zone, and it's straight cash, homey. Kick from Gostowski is good. 14-0, Patriots, and we have 8 minutes left in the quarter.
Okay, would that be considered one long Brady BJ or a bunch of short ones? If it's the latter, my personal count is up to six or seven and the over/under is in serious danger. - OMDQ
That was considered a long, sloppy one. I'm still at three, I'm being generous to Al and John. Bump after the kickoff is Iggy Pop, "Lust for Life." Losman throws to Josh Reed, and he just pushes forward with a defender on him for a first down. Anthony Thomas barrels through for five yards.
"Maybe when we align our stars, we can include some offensive linemen in them." - JM. I understand where he went with this, but it's still kind of goofy. Thomas gets a couple more for a first down, and even without Lynch, the Bills basically need to run the ball a lot if only to keep Brady and Co. off the field as long as they can.
You'll be seeing that last play a lot on SportsCenter later -- Losman had the ball knocked away, picked it back up, scrambled to his right, and hit the receiver 14 yards downfield for a first down. Nicely done, sir.
"That's a Tony Romo type play. He Romo'd it." - JM. Man, working in some Romo rimjobbing too, huh John?
Even better throw downfield on that 47 yard hurl to Roscoe Parrish, who stutter-stepped to adjust and make the catch for six. 14-7, Pats, after the kick goes through.
Bill Belichick is gonna perform a live sacrifice on one of the practice squad players after this series. Maybe before halftime. - OMDQ
Coach Hobo, Voodoo Priest. Dick Jauron is challenging the kickoff return, claiming the returner fumbled and the Bills recovered. No dice. What does Jauron going to Yale have to do with his challenge success rate? Thank you, non-sequitur. Tom Brady is bitching at the ref on an intentional grounding call -- because it didn't get back to the line of scrimmage.
Coach Hobo has a headband on. He looks like he should be in a Jazzercise class rather than on a sideline. Stallworth brings in Brady's next pass at the 30 yard line. Gaffney brings in the pass downfield sliding -- that's ish some #1 or #2 guys can't do in this league. Maroney rushes to the 37. Koolaid rumbles to the 29 for a first down. Wes Welker gets the end-around for a few by avoiding a hit in the backfield. Another toss to Moss at the 17 to end the quarter.
The Brady B.J. count is still at three. Nothing too nasty for the past few minutes, by my metrics.
"He's Peyton Manning-like in that respect." - AM, talking about Brady's work ethic. Tom then throws another pass to Moss, who avoids a tackle and gets in the end zone again. 21-7, Patriots, as the kick is good. I'm not sure if the Peyton reference counts as #4, but I'll add it to the total anyway.
"McGee saying, 'Anyone get the plate number on that jackrabbit?'" - AM. Wha?
There's another BJ. "I've never seen anyone play the QB position better than Tom Brady is playing it now."-JM - NHZ
#5. Thanks! Who knew Brady has had a personal quarterbacking coach since the age of 13? I know he comes from a tony Bay Area burb, but wow, that's an investment. Anthony Thomas turns the corner for the Bills and gets another first down after 16 yards -- whoops, there's an illegal formation call to knock that right off the board.
I know we all hate it, but I think for once these "blow jobs" are deserving as much as that makes me quezy. This is the best qb season of all-time - Mike W.
I'm trying to keep it to the super-hyperbolic or weird. I mean, we can't deny that Brady is having a season in terms of stats that is for the ages right now. Buffalo had to punt it away, and Brady throws a strike to Watson on first down for mucho yards.
"You know, it's amazing the surgery that this offense performs on you." - JM. New England Hope, anyone? Topic #2 of interest: the camera mess, which Al is rambling on about again. Brady tosses on the next 2nd and 6 to Wes Welker, while I consider wishing death upon Al and John for continuing to call it "Spygate." It just took five guys to bring down Maroney on the next carry even though he only got a couple of yards max there. Stallworth gets another first at the Bills 21 on a 3rd and 2.
Could we start "Collective Pats BJ Count" and "Kraft Family BJ Count"? Yes, we know the Pats are good! Now pay attention to the game! - Anon
If I do, I'm not gonna actually be able to write anything about the game. Trying to note verbal fellatio and judge whether it's a true knob-slobbering or not is hard enough. Brady rushes it and slides as someone yells "You can't do that!" while he's sliding.
"He has great presence; he feels the pressure and knows what to do about it." - JM, #6. I've always kind of wondered why they use "presence." Jesus, another TD pass to Moss. Clearly Randy was watching T.O. score four times on the Skins and wanted to re-assert his "best receiver in the League status." 28-7, Patriots.
"The Patriots, with the exception of the Colts, are turning the rest of the league into the Washington Generals; they are the Harlem Globetrotters." - AM.
He pushes off EVERY single play in the endzone. Seriously. - AA
I'm actually convinced that this is the difference between the very good and great receivers (and the same goes for corners): the great ones are really good at disguising their efforts at things that should be penalties. Buffalo gets a first down thanks to a hands to the face penalty on the Patriots. Thomas barrels through for seven yards on the next play. No, no, no...no more Boston slurping, okay? Thomas looked like he got a first down on the next rush, but it's a few inches short. Losman gets the first down, but just barely. Losman goes down again, this time via Adalius Thomas and Ty Warren. Losman tosses to Anthony Thomas on the screen to pick up a few.
Mookie says we got Brady BJ #7. If anyone can document, please do in comments. I think I missed it, but I'll up the count. Evans is on his back for a completion, and the Bills know he didn't catch it, because they're rushing to get a play snapped. This is going to be reversed.
Ok, new topic: Why the HELL is JP Losman in instead of Trent Edwards? The guy looks like Drew Bledsoe the way he just stands there and takes sacks. - Anon
Losman hadn't done anything prior to Edwards' return from injury to lose the job, I suppose.
In honor of Bruschi they should play the Strokes....I'm sorry, the fellatio fest is making me insult stroke victims; that's not really funny. - Dan
Yeah, it's too soon still, but I understand. Call reversed, and here comes another Bills punt, this one with Welker back to receive. He gets back to his own 28 after the kick. Brady to Welker on the next play for about 8, and the Pats are in the hurry-up. Next pass goes to Moss for a first.
"You know how people like mild or hot? I prefer mine [chicken wings] suicidal. I'll eat them all." - JM
"Did you order them?" - AM
"No, they just brought them over and I just ate them out of the box." - JM
Did Al just call Coors "the backward beer"? - Dan
I think he did. I was trying to type his buffalo wing rant first. Welker brings in another first down with less than a minute to go and three Pats timeouts.
There's actually a record for most touchdowns in the first 10 games with a new team? Now they're just making up accolades as they go along. - Hanrahan
Elias comes up with this shit just so they have something to do, right? Brady to Moss again, this time at the Bills' 18. Madden has basically espoused my take on the whole "running up the score" bit about the Pats: if you want them not to score, hit Brady, get past the O-line, do something. Kyle Evans pounds in for a first down. Also note the point that the Patriots are in the shotgun more often than a lot of teams -- it's like they are the equivalent of a college football team always in the spread offense, while most of the opponents are like this year's Michigan defense.
Brady to Moss for another six and Randy grabs it while being forced out of bounds (he got both feet in.) Pats are up 35-7 now. Moss will be texting or calling T.O. after the game, saying: "Shit, it took you a whole game to get 4 TD catches? Gotta catch up, man!"
Ahh...nice, Michaels mentions gambling. - Mookie
Heh. The line was 16 last I checked. Losman goes for end zone to end the half and the Pats knock it down. 35-7, Patriots at halftime, we've got a total of 7 for the Brady B.J. count, and I'll see you in the second half.