Jim Zorn to Jason Campbell: "Have you ever thought about throwing the ball with your left hand? It worked for me in this league."

So, Jason... Do you think I should bother to list the Redskins on my resume?

Okay Jason, throw the ball underneath out in the flat no matter what the circumstance is. None of this deep ball to Randle El stuff when the game is close, keep it short and simple so we don't make any significant progress okay?

Jim Zorn explains what Washington's offensive philosophy will be next year, when he is the coordinator and Mike Holmgren is head coach of the Redskins.

Jason, Europium is 63 on the Periodic Table. Its symbol is "EU," not "GU". You'll never pass basic chemistry if you can't cheat right.

Zorn: Could you please, atleast, try and act like a Manning...

Zorn: "Screw Jay's fantasy team. Don't throw the ball to Cooley at all. Got it?"

Son...are you positive Gibbs listed you as a QB last season?

We're supposed to be going that way, right?

We can win the gamesmanship battle. Tom Coughlin is right over there, and I'm not even going to make eye contact with him.

"Jason, do you have any idea what a 2-minute drill is? Because I don't."

Zorn: No, seriously, when Snyder hired me, I swore to him that I would run my top secret play during our first game: "Sampson, it's Shelia. Momma fell." Got it? Right - on 2.

Campbell: Shut up, bitch!

If you score then we beat the spread so don't take any chances. Play it safe and keep the ball in-bounds.

"OK, I want you to go out there and fail forward fast! Besides, we've drafted the Ted Ginn family." ... Sorry, I'm confusing my incompetent, overwhelmed, clueless head coaches.

I'm serious. In Australia the water spins the other way!

Well technically, Olberman is sitting stage left;-)

You see that yellow line? This time, throw past it. Trust me, it works.

Zorn: "Wait, if we're both standing here, who's running our two-minute hurry up offense?"

Hochuli: "Delay of game, Washington."

Zorn: "Well, fuck..."

Jason Campbell is not impressed by Doug E. Fresh enthusiast Jim Zorn's new high-top fade.

Is the bathroom this way? I've been looking for it all game.

"Yep, glad we could get Jason plenty of reps here in the final preseason game. Whatsthatyousay? Oh."

Hochuli told me the beach was that way.

Zorn: Campbell, the Hall of Fame is this way. Your career is headed that way (pointing the other way). Any more bright ass questions?



(By the way, I could do much better with captions for that damn squirrel.)

So, Jason, who's this "Goo" fella?

Damnit, I said pull my finger!

No Jason, I don't know how to read a defense either.

Zorn: "See that spot over there? That's where Herm Edwards used to stand as coach of the Jets. I learned all my clock management skills from him."

I not sure what Gibbs meant whe he said you couldn't spell Zorn if you were spotted Z-O-R"

Is Jason Campbell gonna have to choke a bitch?

2 more reasons why Vinny Cerrato is completely clueless.

Check this out, it's my George Gobel impression.

Oh, you don't know who that is? Hollywood Squares? You ever hear of that?

Jeezis, fuckin people are hopeless.

"WATCH OUT FOR BRANDON JACOBS!"

Zorn: "No, seriously. Look up there and see if Snyder is looking at me. Is he? Don't stare!"

Zorn: I need you to get the ball through all those guys into the end zone.

Campbell: whatchu talkin' about Mr Drummond?

....now go out there and make me look like I know what I'm doing

So what you're saying Jason, is that Daniel told you to tell me to take a left turn, and you'll find a flight that sends you back to Seattle?

Zorn: Daniel said I'd have a long career here in Washington.

Campbell: Yeah, as a Bush impersonator!

"You thought Joe Gibbs' offense was boring and unsuccessful, well you ain't seen nothing yet."

"It is a good thing the season doesn't start until Sunday...wait a minute, you mean this game counts. Why didn't anyone tell me!"

Zorn may not understand that basing your offense on out routes to Steve Largent isn't as effective today as it was in '78.

So begins another tough season for Coach Thorp and his Milford Mudlarks.

....so you gonna pull my finger or what?

"Coach, where do I change into my maroon and black jersey?"

"Over there."

Listen, I paid $4's for this haircut. A dollar per side.

Jason Campbell just wants Kurt Warner's wife to leave him alone

"That's alright. That's alright. Here's what we're going to do. First... Holy cow, look at the cans on that bimbo!"

Zorn: so then you throw to the reciever who will be cutting... over.. there... DUDE look at that hottie

campbell: dude thats my wife

Jason, do you realize I have no idea what I'm doing?

Zorn: "Years as editor at The Daily Bugle chasing after Spiderman make me more than qualified to be an NFL head coach".

If you think my coaching stinks, you should pull my finger!

Look at how short Campbell's hair is! He looks like a mental patient. Now, Jim Zorn, there's a haircut you could set your watch to!

I'm telling you, when Lawrence Taylor comes around that corner DO NOT throw toward Beasley Reece. Guy's a serious ballhawk.