The Press Buffet: Word Count

Friday, August 31, 2007


The popular choice for this weekend’s Press Buffet would be to talk college football. But I wasn’t put here to be popular. Or, maybe I was, and I’m letting AA down horribly. I don’t know. But, as a contrarian by nature, I am taking a different tack this week, and going all meta- on some sports columnists.

While bandying about baseball terms recently, the term pitch-count somehow became associated in my head with word-count. As a writer, word-count is a big deal to me. My editor says “give me 1,000 words on college football” and I spend some time trying to work up to that number. If it’s a rich topic that I love, sometimes I have to back it down and figure out what to cut, instead.

Word count makes sense when you’re laying out newsprint. The editor needs to know where the damn thing will fit, and how many ads he can put around it. But in the age of the internet, word count is pretty much inconsequential. It’s limited only by the writer’s stamina, because there’s plenty of space. Is that a good thing? I would still argue that economy is crucial in getting a point across, and that the reader is best served by an article of the right length, not something that takes one through an entire bathroom break, as Bill Simmons is famously able to do.

So, let’s check out some big boys and get a general word count from their columns this week, and maybe we can see if it really still matters. For simplicity’s sake, I’m going to stick to the big cities of the East Coast, for now.

Here’s Mike Lupica’s latest. Yes, I know he’s a huge pain in the ass as a TV personality, but the guy is at the top of the sportswriting game. This article from the August 30th edition of the New York Daily News is a fairly standard 972 words, which is about right for a column. Perhaps I’m not yet advanced enough, but I didn’t really get why he did such a long game recap before getting into the analysis, but he did turn some nice phrases along the way:

There is no question that the Yankees are still being presented with a bill for all the bad baseball they played early.


Still, all told, I didn’t love this piece. It was all about trying to get the Yanks to breathe fire again, which probably plays well with the home crowd, but I didn’t get much more out of it.

In the same paper, I enjoyed Filip Bondy’s open letter to Andy Roddick much more. It came in at a lean 745 words. The snark in this piece was fantastic:

Hey ... it's not you, it's us. You've done your best, always have. You try so hard, it hurts. You've grunted and smacked the ball very hard and appeared on many TV commercials, some without a shirt.


I wanted to show you William C. Rhoden’s defense of Brady Quinn from the NYT, but it was, of course, for hire. To purchase the article would have been $4.95, and I don’t want to know about Quinn that badly, even if it’s written very, very well.

Now, off to Philly, where LOOK OUT EVER’BODY, IT’S STEPHEN A.!!!! Of course, he doesn’t write in all-caps for real, so let’s give him a fair shake as a writer vs. as an ESPN shouting head. In the Inquirer, he’s comparing the Phillies to the Mets. In a whippet-lean 701 words, SAS said this:

You can't just smell blood during this time of year; you've got to have a vampire's mentality and drink it. It should be easy to do with Cole Hamels, 4-1 with a 3.12 ERA in his last seven starts before last night, acting like an ace, and closer Brett Myers finally off the disabled list.


Now, right here is an example of one of the things I hate about ESPN. This guy is a good writer. In print, he comes off as rational, witty, and insightful. But on television? Can’t damn stand the guy. Why is it the pinnacle of the sportswriting profession to end up on TV nowadays? Anyone? I wish Stephen A. would stick to what he is obviously good at – writing.

Now, that said, I love Michael Wilbon on TV as much as I do in print. Well, maybe a smidge less, since he seems to be packaged with Henny Youngman Tony Kornheiser at every turn. Regardless, he has charisma that comes through without bombast, and I love that about his TV persona. He’s probably my favorite sportswriter, period. Witness his take on Michael Vick’s future, which manages to breathe life in to a subject we’re all heartily sick of.

A mistake is when you turn the wrong way down a one-way street and plow into an oncoming car. A mistake is when you inadvertently leave the oven on and cause a fire in your house. A mistake is when you and the receiver get crossed up and the cornerback takes the ball the other way for a pick-six. Michael Vick didn't simply commit a mistake; he willingly and arrogantly created and engaged in criminal activity for at least six years.


This is 1102 words – the longest we’ve looked at so far. But Wilbon’s prose is elegant, and I never feel like a piece is dragging on or re-treading the same ground. He manages to criticize both Vick and his detractors in the same article, with a solid argument:

Much of it is knee-jerk extremism junk, coming from both the supporters and detractors, neither restrained enough to make much sense.

The volume of the debate wouldn't bother me much if there was as much outrage over other celebrity misbehavior. I'm sorry, but I don't recall the anywhere near this much outrage when Lawrence Phillips was dragging a woman by the hair down the steps while at Nebraska.


I hope I live to see the day that I can write a compelling piece at least once a week.

Now, I rag on Kornheiser, and I’m aware that a lot of people like him. I just get annoyed that his columns seem to be nudging and winking at me all the time. I get it, he’s wacky. But he’s starting to remind me of Garrison Keillor, in that people now laugh out of reflex, even if something’s not that funny. Here, Tony took a five-minute break from all of his television work to give us 470 words on… himself, Wilbon, Kim Jong Il, basketball, hockey, and golf. It’s like ADD in print, and he covered all of this in under 500 words!

It's hockey season!

And how do we know it's hockey season? Because the Caps are playing golf. According to their Web site, superstud Alex Ovechkin got a hole-in-one at some charity tournament in Springfield, and he had never played the game before.


I’m sorry, you’ll never convince me that he’s worth reading. Maybe he once was, but I got nothing out of that, other than a semi-amusing anecdote that could have been written in two sentences in a sidebar.

Now, I’m already going on a bit long myself, so I’ll wrap up this drive down the eastern seaboard with the big names at the Miami Herald. Here’s Dan LeBatard on college football at Da U. This is 700 words, and has a lot of clever one-liners without falling off the map.

UM is not unlike its old Orange Bowl home now -- sagging, weary, passed by. A little embarrassed, too. You don't want to call Shannon a savior, but a resurrection has been requested of him by a restless town not known for its patience. Hurry, Cane.

All over the highest level of football, the NFL, you will find UM players capable of taking football games and breaking them over a knee. And they are frustrated with the program, which is coming off an uncommonly mediocre 7-6 season.


I liked this piece a lot. In the middle, it got a bit soft-focus about overcoming difficulty, but I can forgive that, and the somewhat pat ending, because the writing is concise, intelligent, and LeBatard looks at his subject from interesting angles. I especially liked this thought:

Miami has always made the coaches, not the other way around. The program and surrounding area has been so rich with blurring talent that Butch Davis and Howard Schnellenberger and Dennis Erickson and Larry Coker would never succeed anywhere else the way they did here.


That’s solid analysis with a strong sense of history. It’s so obviously true once you see it in print, but would you have thought of it yourself? This is good sportswriting.

So, I guess my main point is not really served. The shorter articles were not always the best, but short and focused was a winner. It’s hard not to occasionally mail it in when you write every day. Even as a blogger I can attest to that. But as long as you don’t start considering it to be your birthright, you’re probably going to get over the hump and be OK.

I will happily return to this subject from time to time, and if you have a favorite or non-favorite sportswriter you’d like me to examine, put it in the comments.

And, just for the record, this piece? 1,500 words. But they weren’t all mine.

Something Else Came Out Of ESPN Media Week, "Title Town"


I held this back for a post to build up excitement. Did it work? Are you excited about ESPN's new idea to get fans involved??? I know you are.....well here it is....

Title Town.

In place of “Who’s Now?,” ESPN next year will roll out something called “Title Town,” where “SportsCenter” will visit up to 25 towns that it considers “Title Towns.” Viewers can vote via polls on ESPN.com and the network will solicit essays from viewers. This type of programming fits in with ESPN’s strategy of tying together ESPN’s TV network and Web site. “We are making a concerted effort to find places where you bring those two things together,” Skipper said. Execs say the Title Town concept has garnered interest from at least two sponsors already (SBD)
Hahahaha that's so stupi......wait. That's ACTUALLY a great idea! Who would have thought that using Sports for one of these ideas would make it sound so good???

How do you think they can mess this one up? My guess is that they'll just reuse the Who's Now set and bring the cast of Who's Your Caddy to comment on the towns.

ESPN Media Week Is Over, So What Have We Learned?

More importantly.....Why wasn't I invited??? Come on guys, you know it would have been fun.

Well luckily for all of us MDS from Fanhouse and other "credible" sites got to attend, and here's what ESPN gave them in Press Release form (I kid, I kid). You do have to commend them for being so forthright.

- Their Real Sports like show will be entitled "E-60" and some of the members will start blogs.

- They somehow have this conviluted idea that the put Jaws in the booth to make you want to be the 4th member. I have no idea what that means.

- They are not planning for a line of ESPN "The Food" (this was my personal favorite from MDS and I agree it would easily sell).

- Fantasy head Matthew Berry wrote for Married with Children, lets his dogs poop in the office, and is going to be everywhere on ESPN.

- Deadspin is out to get them.

- Jemele Hill does not make as much money as The Big Lead reported.

- Video and Fantasy Sports are its priorities, which are two of the things the company does well...for the most part. That makes sense.

- If the Vick Monday Night Football Fiasco was during the Regular Season they say they wouldn't have covered him as much. I don't believe that for a second.

- They are done with producing original content for awhile. It will end with The Bronx is Burning.

.....and lastly and most importantly......

They admitted Who's Now was a bad idea!

Though the execs at ESPN’s Media Workshop held this week in Bristol did not definitively say it would not come back, they admitted that the segments did not compare well with other, lighter summer fare on ESPN’s news program. For example, Skipper said “Who’s Now?” was not as strong as '06’s “Make-A-Wish” series or '05’s “50 States in 50 Days.” Skipper: “It didn’t work as well. I’m willing to concede that.” ESPN President George Bodenheimer added, “Perhaps we could have executed it differently.” Skipper said ESPN would try similar shows in the future, but only if they are more focused on sports. (Sports Business Daily)
Hallelujah! Great job by MDS of chronicling his trip to The Leader, and maybe next year AA will be invited. I'll only go though if it doesn't conflicted with The U.S. Air Guitar Championships.

MDS in Bristol (Fanhouse)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 2:58 PM 8 Comments Links to this post

John Saunders And Bill Walton Are Pretty Cozy During The FIBA Championships


You know what I hate more than anything else when it comes to announcing? When people are lazy. You have the coolest job ever, and you don't prepare at all (Joe Morgan) and you end up looking like an idiot.

This isn't exactly the same thing, but it's close. John Saunders and Bill Walton have been broadcasting the entire FIBA Championships from Bristol.....

With the U.S. on the way to a 113-76 victory, Saunders and Walton had plenty of time to fill, and they began talking about Brazil's basketball history, most notably the 1987 Pan American Games final when Brazil upset the U.S. 120-115 to win the gold medal. Saunders noted that after the U.S. lost to the Soviet Union in the 1988 Olympic semifinals, U.S. basketball officials decided it was time to send the best players to the Olympics.

That, of course, is wrong. The U.S. did not force the world to allow NBA players into the Olympics; the rest of the world invited them. But when I asked someone from ESPN where Saunders and Walton were so we could have a friendly conversation about that, there was more shocking news.

ESPN's play-by-play man and analyst are not in Las Vegas. They are calling the game action from a studio in Bristol, Conn., a continent away. An ESPN spokesman described that as "a production decision," which means even ESPN -- a network with more money than Fort Knox and Mark Cuban combined -- has a budget, too.
A production decision? Why not just do that for every game then??? That just really rubs me the wrong way. It's not like they Championships are in Prague! They're in freaking Las Vegas!!!

That's some bad history from a network that didn't show up (Awful Announcing)

Bill Simmons To Be In NBA Live '08?


This can't be true, but Slam and Fanhouse are reporting it to be the case. Bill Simmons was at EA recently to put one of those black spandex suits with the day glow colored balls on it.

After lunch, everyone moved over to EA's motion capture facility (where they've got an autographed Chris Kaman sneaker on display) and the players-and Bill Simmons, who apparently will be in the game-all squeezed their way into their spandex suits and got ready to have their movements put into the game.
Uhhh....hmm. Yeah. Please let him be an analyst in the game. Please God. Please.

Live with Marion, Pierce, Foye, Frye, West, and Arenas (Slam Online)
Bill Simmons, Video Game Star (Fanhouse)

The Texans Have A Sweet Intro

No place else can you find a clip where Rex Grossman morphs into a digital Cleveland Browns QB and get his head knocked off. First and Ten Inches has the evidence...


Bulls and ACDC....That's what Texans Football is all about baby! It's Houston...It's Cleveland....Live On CBS!!!

The Stars At Night (First and Ten Inches)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 12:40 PM 6 Comments Links to this post

Who Wants To Watch A Video Of NFL Players Playing Simon Says?

I can't thank KSK enough for this video. If Stuart Scott says Simon Says tests your reflexes then I believe him. I don't know why but I do.



"Rebecca Romijn Stamos in the hoooooooooooouse!"

And surprise....Lavar is the first one out! Things involving a brain and mental capacity were never his forte. My money was on Chris Klein....balls.

I Wanna Keep Huggin (Kissing Suzy Kolber)

Chicago Bears' Rookie David Ball Has Hands Made of Glue

I don't care if this catch is out of bounds.....it is absoultely amazing....


The catch afterwards for the TD is pretty darn good as well, but that Ball catch is just nasty.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 11:16 AM 2 Comments Links to this post

Ex-Bachelor To Cover College Football For ESPN And NFL For Canada


ESPN has hired away yet another individual. This time it's ex-Giants QB Jesse Palmer from the Bachelor. He will also be featured on TSN and CTV in Canada somehow. Basically you won't be able to miss the guy...

Former NFL quarterback Jesse Palmer has signed a broadcasting deal with TSN and CTV. Palmer, a native of Ottawa, will provide NFL analysis on Mondays for TSN's SportsCentre and also write a weekly football column for TSN.ca. Palmer, who starred on the reality show The Bachelor, also will work as a New York entertainment correspondent for CTV's eTalk.
He'll be on ESPN's College Football Live, and if they ever head out on location you college kids need to bring a ton of roses to throw at him.

Amateur-sport channel in the works
(Globe and Mail)

LSU-MSU Open Thread

Thursday, August 30, 2007


We're skipping the live-blog and going with the Open Thread for this game. Feel free to add any Announcer Comments or thoughts in the comments. Enjoy the game.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 8:29 PM 8 Comments Links to this post

The NFL Debuts New Logo That Looks Exactly Like The Old One


Just look at those radical changes I mean the blue....the blue is just darker. And that football standing up and looking so proud.

The league is creating a leaner, meaner version of the iconic logo that will debut at the NFL draft in April, 2008. The revamped shield will be slightly taller and thinner, with a new football, fewer stars and darker colors, says Lisa Baird, the NFL's senior vice president of marketing. The redesign marks the first changes to the shield since 1980.

At the NFL's annual meeting this spring, commissioner Roger Goodell talked about the NFL Shield as the "envy of the sports world." The league has been careful to make an "evolutionary, not a radical change," says Baird.
I disagree completely Ms. Baird! Less stars is radical as it can get. And the reason for less stars on the logo?

"We took one out for each of our fallen homeys of the past year. Vick, Tank, Pacman, and Rhodes just to name a few. We may have to go back to the drawing board with the announcement of Frostee's suspension today though."- Lisa Baird*

NFL to revamp shield with redesigned logo (USA Today)

*- Fabricated for a cheap laugh.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 4:18 PM 12 Comments Links to this post

ESPN To Take Olympics From NBC?


Seems far fetched, but that's the report from Daily Variety. Seems NBC's contract runs out in after the 2012 Games, and ESPN would be willing to put a bid in....

ESPN “could make a play for future Olympic Games.” ESPN Exec VP/Programming Acquisitions & Strategy John Wildhack said that the Olympics is a rights package the net could bid on. Wildhack: “Obviously we need to pick our spots, but the Olympics are one area we could see ourselves getting into.” NBC has TV rights to every Games through the 2012 London Games, but ESPN could bid as soon as the 2014 Sochi Games.
I'm going to be honest...I had to look up where Sochi exactly was (Coast of Russia). I actually don't think this would be a bad move by ESPN. The Olympics need a makeover and who better than Disney to give it to them?

(Via SBD)

You Create The Caption #71

(Usually) Everyday I'll throw out a photo from the AP or one of the bigger sites and you provide the caption. Hilarity ensues. I'm also adding a handful of links at the bottom of the page that you should check out each day.

Yesterday's Winner.....


"You are NOT all witnesses. In fact, if anything, you saw Timmy here attack me first."- Anon

"Lebron: "Listen here kneebiter, what did the 5 fingers say to the face?!?"- Sheena Beaston

"Kobe: Whoa, LeBron, calm down. He's probably going to be your starting PG next year."- G-Money
__________________________

Are you funny enough to make a caption for this photo of Phillies' Infielder Tad Iguchi taking a peak at Marlon Anderson?


Daily Links:


Two Sports Bloggers Dating? Well then. (Epic Carnival)
A Few Bench Activities For Moose (The Sports Hernia)
Ranking Every Sport You Can Think Of (Flyers Fieldhouse)
$7400?!?! You Have To Be Joking (Pop Jocks)
Baseball Gloves Are Now Upwards of $400 (Lion In Oil)
You Crazy Crazy Hippies (Signal To Noise)
August Sucks (Rumors and Rants)
Welcome To Mike Ditka Resorts (The Sporting Orange)
Wii Beer Pong??? No Way! (You Been Blinded)

Also, Ballhype invited myself and a ton of other cool peeps to join a Pick Em' league for the NFL. This is about my 40th Fantasy league, but it's the only one where the prize goes to charity. A good friend of mine works for the SPCA, so that's where my money will go WHEN I win this thing. You can see the preview of the league here...

17 Games: NFL Invitational Preview (Ballhype)

Lastly, College Football obviously starts tonight and the Live-Blog is going down at 7pm. Hopefully you can stop by for a fun night of Fooball and Shenanigans.

PEEE-TER GAMMMM-ONS!

This has to be the weirdest and downright scariest tribute video ever made. With that said it is pretty funny and watch for a death stare at the :30 mark. Peeee-terrrr.

The Peter Gammons Theme Song!

Gammons Gammons! (Peter)

(Found at Extra Mustard)

TBS Thinks Dane Cook Isn't Enough And Raises You One Jon Bon Jovi


I'm not quite sure when networks started trying to out bid each other for douchebags to do ads for Playoff Baseball, but it's reached a new low this year. Dane Cook has been at it for the past month or more, and now TBS has tabbed Jon Bon Jovi to do spots for their coverage, but that's not the good news.

They're producing a 2 and a half minute version of the commercial to air in movie theatres around the Country....

TBS, home of the Major League Baseball (MLB) Division Series and the National League Championship Series (NLCS), unveiled today a new full-length promo featuring the GRAMMY® Award winning rock 'n roll group Bon Jovi. The rollicking new spot features the band performing "I Love This Town" from their new Lost Highway album interspersed with action footage of some of MLB's hottest postseason contenders, including the Boston Red Sox, Chicago Cubs, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, New York Yankees and more. The two minute 30 second spot will run in its entirety exclusively in movie theatres and select MLB ballparks throughout the country.
Ugh. Thank god Football is starting tonight. You know I was planning on seeing Super Bad over the holiday weekend, but I sure would love to know about some Playoff Baseball coverage that's over a month away! Thanks Jon Bon!!!

TBS Jams with Bon Jovi to promote exclusive MLB postseason coverage (MLB.com)

P.S.- Longest. Press Release. Ever.

The 25 Hours of College Football (Presented by TIVO) Is Off To A Roaring Start

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

I would expect something like this to happen in hour 8 as the hosts approached 3am, but I'm afraid this happened right at the top of hour 3. Rece Davis thought they had Florida Head Coach Urban Meyer on the phone. Turned out to be Offensive Coordinator Dan Mullen. Rece caught it right away, but it took the graphics department a little bit longer to figure it out....


I threw the Mack Brown one on there just for the fun of it. It's going to be a long night for Rece Davis.....especially if Mark May keeps chiming in with gems like, "Do an imitation of Urban Meyer!" That gets you the Rece Davis "Hand Wave" Mary May. You be careful son.....Anything could happen at 5:30 in the morning big boy.....anything (Lou Holtz jacked up on Red Bull is not something you want to mess with).

The Programming Details For ESPN's 25-Hour College Football Gimmick (Awful Announcing)

Update from the Comments: "The ESPN.com front page right now...none of this is overkill. No, not at all."- Vegas Watch

Nope....not at all.....

Get Out Your Day Planners, Here's The MNF Luncheon Schedule

Earlier today I told you about the MNF Luncheons that will be coming to your town. Well I've got the whole list of fine dining establishments our ESPN Friends will be at. Be nice to the talking heads if you go because you know they're dreading this.

Also, if you can get any video or a Mike Golic autographed menu I will pay top dollar.

2007 Monday Night Football Chalk Talk Luncheon Series:


Sept. 10 San Francisco (Cardinals vs. 49ers)- A.P. Stumps Restaurant
Sept. 17 Philadelphia (Redskins vs. Eagles)- Old Original Bookbinder’s
Sept. 24 New Orleans (Titans vs. Saints)- Dickie Brennan's Bourbon House
Oct. 1 Cincinnati (Patriots vs. Bengals)- Jeff Ruby’s Steakhouse
Oct. 8 Buffalo (Cowboys vs. Bills)- E.B. Green’s Steak House
Oct. 15 Atlanta (Giants vs. Falcons)- Ruth’s Chris Steak House
Oct. 22 Jacksonville (Colts vs. Jaguars)- Ruth’s Chris Steak House
Oct. 29 Denver (Packers vs. Broncos)- Ruth’s Chris Steak House
Nov. 12 Seattle (49ers vs. Seahawks)- Ruth’s Chris Steak House
Nov. 26 Pittsburgh (Dolphins vs. Steelers)- The Capital Grille
Dec. 3 Baltimore (Patriots vs. Ravens)- Ruth’s Chris Steak House
Dec. 17 Minnesota (Bears vs. Vikings)- Ruth’s Chris Steak House

Sadly, Buffalo Billiards is not on the list, so the DC contingent will not be able to attend. And San Diego....sorry but Mike Greenberg did not approve of the festivities to be held at In and Out Burger. No Luncheon For You!

Who Wants To Eat Lunch With The MNF Crew??? (Awful Announcing)

UPDATE: Hey if this doesn't work out at least they have those videos to fall back on. Oops.

Wait Vick's Court Date Is December 10th?


So Vick's day in court is going to be on Monday, December 10th? It is, okay. But wait....where's Monday Night Football being played that night....oh crap.....

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MON, DEC 10
New Orleans at Atlanta 8:30 PM
ESPN

How did I miss that? We're going to have to go through a complete do-over of this past Monday. Judge Henry E. Hudson....you're on my list. I apologize if you already connected the two, but I just now figured it out. We'll never be able to escape this.....please hold my hand readers. I'm scared.

NFL Schedule (CBS Sports)

Who Wants To Eat Lunch With The MNF Crew???


ESPN is going to be taking a page from the Howard Cossell days and is forcing having every single one of their personalities attend luncheons in each of the twelve cities that host a MNF game this season. And by everyone....I mean everyone but Tony Kornheiser of course....

ESPN is launching a luncheon series around "Monday Night Football" this season, with 12 "MNF Chalk Talk" lunches planned in cities where the network will telecast the games. ESPN sponsors Dick's Sporting Goods and Ruth's Chris Steak House have agreed to sponsor the lunches, which will feature ESPN Radio's John Seibel as emcee in most cases. The first lunch is scheduled for September 10 in S.F., before the Cardinals-49ers game. Game announcers Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic will host that lunch. Most ESPN talent has agreed to participate in panel sessions at the lunches, including Ron Jaworski, Suzy Kolber, Michele Tafoya, Mike Tirico, Stuart Scott, Emmitt Smith and Steve Young. Notably, Tony Kornheiser will not be included. ESPN officials say the lunches conflict with his "PTI" duties.
Of course they conflict Tony....of course they do. The idea comes from the old duo of Cossel and Don Meredith who would eat with fans to try and build excitement around the Monday Nighter.

Honestly, what COULD go wrong with one of these? I mean Week #2 in Philadelphia.....someone needs to get AJ Daulerio on the horn.

Meat & Greet: ESPN Plans Luncheons In "MNF" Cities (Sports Business Daily)

P.S.- You eat those eggs Golic!!!

You Create The Caption #70

(Usually) Everyday I'll throw out a photo from the AP or one of the bigger sites and you provide the caption. Hilarity ensues. I'm also adding a handful of links at the bottom of the page that you should check out each day.

Yesterday's Winner.....


There were a lot of good ones, and some included great quotes from Shaun Alexander. Unfortunately that wasn't Shaun in the photo. He was some representative from the state of Washington.

"Yes, we want the Iraq War and we're going to win!"- Sheep's Line

""I tried to order a DOUCHEBAG jersey for him, but the NFL Online store blocked that name.""- Bucktown Skins Fan

"No, Mr. President, I'm not married to that chick on The View."- mcoale

"Just what the Seahawks needed, another over-hyped player who craps the bed in clutch situations."- Anon
__________________________

Are you funny enough to make a caption for this photo of Lebron giving a beatdown to some kid just like USA gave to Puerto Rico?


Daily Links:


More Info On The Madness That Is The Air Guitar Championships (Gelf Magazine)
Rafer Alston Is Special (Epic Carnival)
Kige Will Always Be A HOFer To Me (Simon On Sports)
Who Can Catch Joe DiMaggio? (Vegas Watch)
These ESPN Polls Are Getting Ridiculous (Majorly English)
If You're Into EA's NHL Game You Need To Check Out These Ratings (Pop Jocks)
A List Of Other Baby Brady Names (The Wade Blogs)
Why Aren't More People Up In Arms About This Andy Rooney Quote? (Baseball Think Factory)
Porn Name All-Stars!!! (Extrapolater)

Also, I wanted to point out that Erin Andrews has officially passed Bill Simmons as the all time most searched individual on this site. She was searched 645 times last week alone, which helped her gain the top spot. Everyone congratulate Erin with a golf clap from your computer. Thank You.

The 11 Personalities Of Playground Basketball

If you have 5 minutes today watch this hilarious collection of all the annoying personalities you come across when you play pickup Basketball.


I personally can't stand the player/coach myself, and the "bad gear" guy playing in the hiking boots is hilarious.

"You're wearing Blue Jean Shorts."

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 11:39 AM 3 Comments Links to this post

AA Introduces......


With the College Football Season starting tomorrow, and 25-Hours of ESPN programming dedicated to the Sport, FanIQ has collected the Top 10 CFB Quotes of all-time. AA hopes to add a few to that list this year which is why we're starting up a thread on Saturdays and Sundays this year for AA, The Channel 4 News Team, and YOU! to add any good/bad/hilarious/idiotic comments you hear throughout the weekend's Football action.

The problem is that I'm not clever enough today to come up with a name. There could be separate ones for College and Pro, or a name for the whole weekend. I need your help. If there's one genius enough person out there who can name this fiasco (yes I know that The Hugh Johnson Project is already taken) will win a sweet AA Ozarks T-shirt. It's a small gesture, but we need to name this bad boy.

Maybe some of these 10 hilarious quotes will inspire you.....

10. "We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking."
- John McKay, USC

9. "I've found that prayers work best when you have big players."
- Knute Rockne, Notre Dame

8. "Football is not a contact sport-it is a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport." - Duffy Daugherty, Michigan State

7. "Lads, you're not to miss practice unless your parents died or you died." - Frank Leahy, Notre Dame

6. "The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it." - Lou Holtz, Arkansas

5. "Football is only a game. Spiritual things are eternal. Nevertheless, Beat Texas." - Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior
to the 1969 game.

4. "Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated."
- Lou Holtz, Arkansas

3. "I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades." - Duffy Daugherty, Michigan State

2. "At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat. That costs money and we don't have any" - Erk Russell, Georgia Southern

1. "I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation."
- Bob Devaney, Nebraska
Your ideas in the comments please.

All-Time Great College Football Quotes (Fan IQ)

Lee Corso Works Out Old School

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

College Gameday is running this weird promo where they air a commercial that asks you a question. You then go to CollegeGameday.com to check your answers. The first promo....Fowler, Herbie, Desmond, and our old pal Lee Corso walk into a gym. Sounds like a bad joke right? I guess it kinda is....



So the question is whether they work out together on the road. Umm okay, good question.....I always wondered that. Actually no...no I didn't. I don't ever wonder that about anyone.

The answer is actually false, which surprises me. I thought Corso would do everything in his power to strengthen that baby arm.

College Gameday (CollegeGameday.com)

Why The Hell Is Colin Cowherd In The Booth This Friday Night?


It's a valid question isn't it? Why in the world would ESPN add Shrutebag to a three-man team to make it an unheard of four-man broadcast? It's such a dumb move that it's beyond my comprehension. Here are a few reasons that I could come up with. Help me in figuring this out by adding one in the comments....

1. Colin's radio show is getting terrible ratings. They put him on one of the first College games of the year to hype his show. This seems the most plausible, especially since the press release read like this, "ESPN Radio’s Colin Cowherd of The Herd with Colin Cowherd will provide commentary from the booth of ESPN’s Washington at Syracuse telecast Friday, Aug. 31 at 8 p.m." (FYI- I know nothing about his ratings, so that may or may not be the case)

2. DNS Server attacks cost money in lawyer fees. He has to make a few extra bucks.

3. ESPN couldn't think up a worse punishment for Sean McDonough, Rob Stone, and Chris Spielman.

4. He was jealous that Bill Simmons got to call a game.

5. He has some free time on his hands.

6. He needs some more information for that game show thingy he was doing. Oh wait....that was canceled. Nevermind.

7. He's jealous of Olbermann's new role on NBC.

8. He needs a new forum to show off his magic skills.

9. They put him in Syracuse to get him as far away from Cincinnati as they can.

10. He needs to pass the time until the next Radio ESPY Awards Ceremony.

Sorry I might have taken them all....if you have one to add feel free to add it in the comments. And Shrutey......I'll (We'll) be watching. Don't F up.

8 p.m.- ESPN /ESPN Mobile TV- Washington at Syracuse

Sean McDonough, Chris Spielman, Colin Cowherd and Rob Stone

Ashley Could Go All The Way!

God, this is the funniest thing I've possibly ever seen. It works on so many levels. 1) The scary Trojan mascot trying to help her. 2) The Announcer yelling directions at her. 3) The fact that they thought someone running 80 yards blindfolded was a good idea. 4) She's, ummm...hefty. 5), and most importantly.....The crowd's reaction at the end.

Wait for it.....WAIT FOR IT! BAM!!!


Man I cannot stop laughing. Sorry Ashley.

(From With Leather via Food Court Lunch)

UPDATE: This video is equal as funny and very disturbing. That Steve Berman talks too much.

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 2:57 PM 4 Comments Links to this post

The Mannings Add Matty To The Family

You're not going to believe this, but the Mannings are finally in a commercial! I've been saying for years that they should be in one and now they are. DirecTV has Matt Leinart getting a lesson from Archie in the Manning's backyard when Peyton and Eli come home....the hilarity ensues.....



I'm thinking Disney needs to give the Mannings their own sitcom. Almost like the Caveman one their coming out with. It will only work if they come up with the idea 4 years after Peyton retires though. You know....to mirror their timing and success they are sure to have from the Caveman sitcom.

Welcome To The Family Matt (AZ Sports Hub)

ESPN Takes Over MTV Show Two-A-Days


I submit to evidence item #12,343 of how ESPN has officially transformed into MTV... They are taking control one of the "Music" Television's shows and making it their own. The Leader is changing the name and promising to make it more about Football, but we'll see about that.

After two successful seasons on MTV, the reality show about high school football has moved from Alabama to Louisiana, and is bound for ESPN. And its focus has shifted from kiss-and-tell to first-and-goal. That's fine - even better - for West Monroe, La. coach Don Shows.

Shows said his team was approached two years ago to do the original "Two-A-Days" and turned it down. Production company Humidity Entertainment wound up at Hoover (Ala.) High, where love triangles became more prominent than square outs.

Shows said yesterday he would have said no again if he weren't assured the game plan would be sports, not soaps. "I just didn't want anybody to get involved in the personal lives of the kids," says Shows (rhymes with "plows").
I think it was necessary to move schools considering Hoover Coach Rush Probst is rumored to have a 2nd family, and the principal was fired for giving special treatment to players. And Coach Shows appears to be aware of that as well...."I haven't changed any grades, and I don't have a 'secret family,' I'm not worried about anything like that. Absolutely not. Absolutely not."

The show premiers in November, you know when nothing is going on. The opposite of the Summer. Smart move.

ESPN TAKES 'TWO' (NY Post)
ESPN + MTV= APOCALYPSE! (Awful Announcing)

You Create The Caption #69

(Usually) Everyday I'll throw out a photo from the AP or one of the bigger sites and you provide the caption. Hilarity ensues. I'm also adding a handful of links at the bottom of the page that you should check out each day.

Yesterday's Winner.....


"I remember the Cowboy, but when did the Village People hire an umpire?"- Anon

"The LLWS is putting on "Naked Gun - The Musical". No one will be seated during the "Nice Beaver/Hey, it's Enrico Pallazzo!" medley."- doneycat

"Critics questioned whether "Furry Night" at the ballpark was something that the Little Leaguers should have been exposed to."- MDT

"Sweep the leg!"- Jon
__________________________

Are you funny enough to make a caption for this photo of President Bush receiving a Seahawks' jersey from Matt Hasselbeck yesterday?


Daily Links:


Fantasy Owners, Do Not Pick Jon Kitna (The Sports Hernia)
The Marlins Dynasty That Never Was (I'm Writing Sports)
A Good Baseball Tonight Piece (The Serious Tip)
Jaws vs. Theismann, Who Wins? (Epic Carnival)
Ex-NFLer Has A Real Life Waiting To Exhale Moment (Sports by Brooks)
Dream Team Version 2.0 (Flyers Fieldhouse)
Hilarious Take On The LLWS (Introducing Liston)
A Detailed Explanation of Blogger's Block (My Brain Says Rage)
Tiger Imitates Chuck Barkley (Sons of Sam Malone)
Lou Holtz Needs To Hang It Up (Rumors and Rants)
The Best All-Female Soccer Team, No Mia Hamm Is Not Included (The Beautiful Game)
Our Favorite Red Sox Girl Is Back (Red Sox Monster)
Collections Of Message Board Quotes Are Always Funny (Doberman on the Diamond)

The Vick Saga, One Day Later


After this I promise there will be no more Vick posts, but I just wanted to share a couple of viewpoints that I found very interesting, one of which could be pretty controversial (if anyone took any stock in what Bayless spewed). Up first is a great breakdown of this morning's Sports Center by C-Mots at Mister Irrelevant. Read these stats and then take a few minutes to take them all in....I'll meet you on the other side....

* The show was 48 minutes without commercials, exactly 24 minutes and 45 seconds of which was devoted to Michael Vick.
* All or portions of Vick’s press conference from yesterday was shown five times. The terms of his plea agreement were shown four times.
* 18 different people shared an on-air opinion/thought on Vick (this obviously doesn’t count the anchors): Tom Jackson, Emmitt Smith, Keyshawn Johnson, Chris Berman, Michael Wilbon, Hank Aaron, Jim Rome, Jim Fassel, Mike Tirico, Tony K, Jaws, Kelly Naqi, George Smith, Roger Cossack, Sal Paolantonio, Joe Horn, Chris Mortensen, and some random Falcons fan.
* 30.6% on ESPN.com voters believe Vick should get a lifetime suspension. Overreact much?
* Best Quote goes to Chris Berman: “To use a sports metaphor: If the ball has hit the turf, and it hit the turf on Monday, and it’s just starting to go up, and we hope it goes high, then we can be upbeat and optimistic about it.”
* Second Best Quote: Steve Levy going into the first commercial break after 12 non-stop minutes of Vick talk: “And yes, there’s even more Michael Vick ahead on SportsCenter.”
Wow. Talk about overkill. I just don't understand this line of thinking at all. It's just my opinion, but isn't everyone done with and past this whole issue? There's some ridiculous playoff races happening in Baseball, the Yankees got slaughtered last night, and College Football is starting in two days. It just amazes me that they're pressing on with this thing.

The second item today comes from an email sent to me yesterday. I missed 1st Take (as I normally do), but I think this reader submission is a perfect synopsis. Skip Bayless has been the same for years, but I'm with the reader and think this is waaaay over the top.....
I start the day with Mike and Mike (listen to TV) and more than a few times stayed with ESPN until Skip Bonehead started spewing his uninformed and racist opinions. I've heard him criticize black athletes for celebrating and other on/off field acts that he never mentions about white athletes - or if he does it's with a "boys will be boys" spin. Today topped it all. His comments offended me as much as the Imus comments did and I think he should suffer the same fate.

My blood pressure is at about a billion because I'm still listening to ESPNs coverage - waiting for the Arthur Blank news conference - and I'm listening to the two Stews making intelligent, logical, informed comments while Skip Bonehead continues with his thinly veiled racist crap. Check out the tapes if you're not watching/listening. Sometimes I just wonder how people get their jobs and keep them. (E-bleeping-gads! Now he's pretending to support Vick by slamming Upshaw - he never misses an opportunity to slap the black folks!! If I listen to much more, my ears will start bleeding!)

-SR

FYI - I'm a lily-white grandmother from MA, now retired in NH. Was a peace activist in the 60s and haven't lost my sense of what's inherently wrong. This guy - Skip Bonehead - qualifies for Olbermann's Worst Person in the World award today.
Way to skew my demographic SR....just kidding. I'm glad people from all backgrounds can contribute to the site. A good rant is healthy for everyone, and I too have noticed this from Bayless over the years. It just amazes me that with as much criticism that ESPN takes on certain people that they never even think of getting rid of them.

I also really thought the Nation had moved past the Race Card regarding most issues, but the Vick Case and the Imus Incident showed that's certainly not the case.

SportsCenter: One Part Vick, One Part Every Other Sporting Topic on Earth (Mister Irrelevant)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 11:51 AM 19 Comments Links to this post

Familiar Faces In New/Same Places: FOX Weather Girl Returns


I don't know about you, but some good T&A when you're hungover on Sundays never hurt anyone. Who cares if Jillian Barberie could kick your ass and sounds (and kinda looks) like a man right? Who cares if she doesn't really seem to care about Football at all??? We need to ogle something before we get all manly and drink beer before one o'clock.

Well if you're not like me and think her role isn't pointless.....you're in luck. She's back on the pregame show for Fox, and she'll be bringing you the forecast for the days games that you've already looked up on Weather.com as you decide whether to start a QB in Lambeau.

(This was really an excuse to post T&A on the site because it's going to be a slow news day. I know I'm a bit of a hypocrite in that regard, but can you blame me?)

Monday Night Football Review: Preseason Game #4


I'd love to tell you that I stuck it out for the sake of the site, but that's not the case. The moment I saw Chris Mortensen (while being interviewed by Michele Tafoya) talk over an amazing touchdown by Jerious Norwood (1:50 Mark), I started watching Enemy of the State on cable.

The Vick coverage started yesterday at 9am and didn't end until almost midnight. You knew it was coming (hell the producers even told us ahead of time), but I would have really loved to have watched some Football last night. They so could have wrapped up all the discussion at halftime and just moved on.

I think Sean Pendergast (during my spot on 1560AM in Houston last evening) summed it up best. The only people staying up that late to watch the 2nd Half of Monday Night Football are hardcore Football Fans (and probably high stakes gamblers). Times that by 20 for the preseason. The only people watching the 2nd half of that game are people who want to trash MNF, degenerate gamblers, guys trying to decide who their 12th round fantasy pick is, and insomniacs.

Everything was just too much last night. The legal analyst, Mort, the African-American lady that Suzy Kolber interviewed for 14 minutes, Tony getting mad because Chad Johnson didn't celebrate a TD in the preseaon, etc, etc. It never ended. The only highlight for me was when Tony Kornheiser took Bobby Petrino to task for not allowing media to ask his former teammates questions regarding the quarterback. It's the first time I've agreed with Tony in awhile. This is what you are good at....not those cheesy jokes. Keep this up.....

"That may work for him as a new coach, but these guys were his teammates, some of them for many years. And to deprive them a chance to see his first step in rehabilitation, I would have gone the other way on that."- TK

ESPN has set MNF up to fail, but again....we already knew that. And can we please get rid of the term "Dress Rehearsal"? Any game that has a TD from Ovie Mughelli is not a "Dress Rehearsal"....it's a crappy preseason game.

College Football Week #1 Announcing Teams!!!

Monday, August 27, 2007


Kudos need to go out to reader and tipster extraordinaire SS for this masterpiece. Our friend took the time (it may or may not have something to do with his job) to compile the pairings for every major network's set of games AND those on FSN, ESPNU, CSTV, VS, and The Big Ten Network!!! That my friends is awesome.

Per usual...cross your fingers, and find your favorite team/current school/alma mater and hope for the best!
_____________________________

Thursday- 8/30

Tulsa @ UL-Monroe (ESPN2, 7:00) - Gary Thorne, Rod Gilmore, Dave LaMont
Murray State @ Louisville (ESPNU, 7:30) - Mike Gleason, John Congemi
Louisiana State @ Missisippi State (ESPN, 7:45) - Chris Fowler, Doug Flutie, Craig James, Erin Andrews

Friday- 8/31

Navy @ Temple (ESPNU, 7:30) - Beth Mowins, David Diaz-Infante
Washington @ Syracuse (ESPN, 8:00) - Sean McDonough, Chris Speilman, Colin Cowherd, Rob Stone

Saturday- 9/1


East Carolina @ Virginia Tech (ESPN, 12:00) - Mike Tirico, Todd Blackledge, Bill Curry, Erin Andrews
UAB @ Michigan State (ESPN2, 12:00) - Pam Ward, Ray Bentley
Colorado State v. Colorado (FSN, 12:00) - Joel Meyers, Gary Reasons, Emily Jones
Marshall @ Miami (ESPNU, 12:00) - Clay Matvick, Larry Coker
Appalachian State @ Michigan (BTN, 12:00) - Thom Brennaman, Charles Davis, Charissa Thompson
Youngstown State @ Ohio State (BTN, 12:00) - Roger Twibell, Mike Tomczak
Florida International @ Penn State (BTN, 12:00) - Mark Neely, Glen Mason
Northeastern @ Northwestern (BTN, 12:00) - Scott Graham, Derrick Walker*
Virginia @ Wyoming (VS, 2:00) - Ron Thulin, Kelly Stouffer, Lewis Johnson*
Georgia Tech @ Notre Dame (NBC, 3:30) - Bob Papa, Pat Haden, Alex Flanagan
Washington State @ Wisconsin (ABC/ESPN, 3:30) - Brad Nessler, Bob Griese, Paul Maguire, Bonnie Bernstein
Wake Forest @ Boston College (ABC/ESPN, 3:30) - Bob Wischusen, David Norrie, Jeanine Edwards
Nevada @ Nebraska (ABC, 3:30) - Dan Fouts, Tim Brant, Todd Harris
Missouri v. Illinois (ESPN2, 3:30) - Dave Pasch, Andre Ware, Jimmy Dykes
UCLA @ Stanford (FSN, 3:30) - Matt Devlin, Warren Moon, Michael Eaves
Iowa @ Northern Illinois (ESPNU, 3:30) - Doug Bell, Charles Arbuckle
Arizona @ BYU (VS, 5:00) - Joe Beninati, Glenn Parker, Tim Neverett, Krista Blunk
Baylor @ TCU (CSTV, 6:00) - Tom Hart, Trev Alberts
Oklahoma State @ Georgia (ESPN2, 6:45) - Mark Jones, Bob Davie, Stacey Dales
North Texas @ Oklahoma (FSN, 7:00) - Bill Land, Dave Lapham, Jim Knox
Purdue @ Toledo (ESPNU, 7:00) - Dave Armstrong, Mike Gottfried
Kansas State @ Auburn (ESPN, 7:45) - Ron Franklin, Ed Cunningham, Holly Rowe
Tennessee @ California (ABC, 8:00) - Brent Musburger, Kirk Herbstreit, Lisa Salters
Indiana State @ Indiana (BTN, 8:00) - Wayne Larrivee, Chris Martin, Trenni Kusnierek
Bowling Green @ Minnesota (BTN, 8:00) - Jim Kelly, Richard Baldinger
New Mexico @ UTEP (CSTV, 10:00) - Carter Blackburn, Brian Jones
Idaho @ USC (FSN, 10:15) - Barry Tompkins, Petros Papadakis, Jim Watson

Monday- 9/3

Texas Tech @ SMU (ESPN, 4:00) - Dave LaMont, James Hasty
Florida State @ Clemson (ESPN, 8:00) - Mike Patrick, Todd Blackledge, Holly Rowe

(*- Not confirmed, but will most likely call the game.)
__________________________________

A few things stand out. First and foremost......Colin Cowherd with Chris Spielman is the Perfect (S**t) Storm. Guess who's going out late on Friday night! Second, Pam and Mike have been told to go to separate corners. That kinda makes me sad. And third.....SURPRISE! Larry Coker got a Miami game!!! Who would have guessed it.

Leave your initial reactions in the comments, and I'll see you Thursday for the Opening Live-Blog of the season! Tulsa at UL-Monroe!!!!!!!

(Just kidding....it's LSU-MSU)

ESPN2 Angers NASCAR Fans

ESPN 2 was carrying this past Saturday's Busch Race and everything was going on swimmingly. That was until "human error" cause the network to lost it's signal entirely during Lap #247. Normally it wouldn't be a big deal....you apologize when you come back and go on with the race. Well there was one small problem at Bristol.

There's only 250 laps for this race, and when the signal came back. The race was over...

Human error caused ESPN2 to lose its signal in the final laps of Friday's Busch broadcast from Bristol and caused fans to miss the final two laps ESPN spokesman George McNeilly said.

"We sincerely apologize for briefly losing transmission due to human error and have taken steps to prevent this from happening again," McNeilly said in a statement. "As soon as transmission was reestablished we apologized to viewers and replayed the last two laps of the race."
Dagger. I wasn't watching, but lucky for us someone from NASCAR Nation has created a 9-minute YouTube clip detailing the terrible coverage throughout the race. The dead air comes in at about the 7-minute mark, but the whole thing is pretty hilarious.



Blank Screen (Roanoke Times)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 2:26 PM 8 Comments Links to this post

It's Good To See That Joe Theismann Is Still Getting Work

I was worried about our friend Joseph. I hadn't seen him in months, and repeated calls to his publicist were not returned. We finally had one sighting last week, and we've got our second one today....

World champion quarterback Joe Theismann and champion pitmaster Chris Lilly this season will be on the virtual sidelines coaching sports fans who host friends and families at backyard tailgate parties.

Tailgate Week, created by Kingsford charcoal and ESPN, pairs the season's biggest college football games with recipes created by Theismann and Lilly that incorporate foods and flavors native to the schools' states.
Ha, okay....where to start? I'll just go straight to the quotes and bypass the initial reaction....
"Tailgating is one of my favorite football season traditions and hosting people in my own backyard is just as fun as grilling in the parking lot, if not more," said Theismann, who adds to the fun at his parties by making good use of his backyard to encourage a halftime game of tag football.
Nice! Tag Football at BBQs is sweet. I prefer cornhole, but a little Nerf never hurt anyone. Here's how I imagine the whole day going.

Backyard BBQ Attendee: "Hey Joe, What you got going on over at the grill over there?
Joe Theismann: "Well I'm glad you asked. What we have here is meat. Now meat you have to cook to eat, and well...if you don't cook it...you're still going to be hungry.
BBA: Umm okay? Thanks I guess. How about that game of touch Football you've got going on later on?
JT: "Well I'm glad you asked. In "touch" Football the object is to touch someone with not one, but TWO hands. If you are touched with TWO hands you can't score touchdowns. And if you don't score touchdowns you won't get your TWO hands on the Joe Theismann Invitational Trophy sitting by the Grill over there."
BBA: Thanks for that Joe. I'll just watch.

Joe Theismann Joins All-Pro Grill Team, Calls Plays to Bring the Tailgate Home (Yahoo)

You Create The Caption #68

(Usually) Everyday I'll throw out a photo from the AP or one of the bigger sites and you provide the caption. Hilarity ensues. I'm also adding a handful of links at the bottom of the page that you should check out each day.

Last Thursday's Winner.....


These were the most hilarious ones yet, so I'm going with a Top Ten. It probably deserves a Top 20, but there's never enough time! Thanks to everyone who added one to the comments.

10. Jermaine Dye has decided if he can't see you, you can't see how bad the White Sox are. So there.- Nathan

9. I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO AND I WANT TEE PEE FOR MY BUNGHOLE!!!- Hollywood Wags

8. I ain't found s**t!- Majorly English

7. If his head keeps descending through his clothes and gets to his pants, we may as well call him Barf, because he'll be his own best friend.- Brave Sir Robin

6. Prepare Jermaine Dye for Ludicrous Speed!- doneycat

5. Barry Bonds struggles mightily to fit his giant head through his Jermaine Dye Halloween costume.- Dave in the basement

4. Jermaine of Arabia- Anon

3. Dye: What is this?
Ozzie: This is now. What you are seeing now happens now.
Dye: What happened to then?
Ozzie: We missed it.
Dye: When?
Ozzie: Just now.
Dye: When will then be now?
Ozzie: SOON!
- Radioman

2. Well, I guess this beats where Dye's head has been most of the season.- Anon

1. Though he found a quarter, some earrings, and Josh Fields, Jermaine Dye's search for weapons of mass destruction ultimately proved fruitless.- Anon
__________________________

Are you funny enough to make a caption for this photo of a mascot and an umpire kicking it old school during the LLWS this past weekend? (Photo via CNNSI.com)


Daily Links:


I Like Fighting Sports As Much As The Next Person, But This Is Hard To Watch (Blog of Hilarity)
An Interview With Anna Benson (Bugs and Cranks)
A Memo To Bridget and Gisele (Talking NFL)
Andy Reid Needs To Be Suspended Post Haste (Nation of Islam Sports Blog)
Vegetarians Are Football Fans Too (Ladies...)
Ronaldo vs. An Evil Piece of Broccoli (More Credible)
The Best Little League Game Ever Pitched (The OC Register)
An Update On Our Criminal Friends From Iowa (Mac Gs World)
Who Was Better During Their Prime, Pedro or Maddux? (I'm Writing Sports)

Sorry for missing this past Friday's YCTC everyone. If you sent me a link that I didn't get to post, it was only because the story was from last week. Keep the links coming folks....I appreciate every single one of them. It helps me keep up with everything else while I'm reading the 89th MNF review of the day.

Michael Vick: "I Apologize To Everyone"

Here's the Michael Vick speech in its entirety immediately following his guilty plea this morning in Richmond, VA.




For what it's worth....it was a very good speech and he seemed genuine and apologetic. I hope like everyone else (including Vick) that we can let the man serve out his time, and that we can get on with the football season now.

P.S.- Sorry for the grainy quality, but that's what you get when you record it with a Fisher Price "My First Camcorder" (or record it from the internet).

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 12:12 PM 7 Comments Links to this post

AA On The Radio


For anyone who cares to listen, I'll be on Houston Radio's 1560AM The Game this evening around 5:30 Eastern/4:30 Central. The Show is the Sean and John show, and I don't know how I'll be able to top their "Kige Ramsey/Corey Haim" combo from last Friday....but I'll give it a shot.

You can head here if you want to listen live, and I'll post the audio whenever they post it on their site.

1560 The Game (1560 The Game Online)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 11:13 AM 0 Comments Links to this post

Brett Myers Does Not Have An Anger Problem


You've undoubtedly already seen this item, but I had to make a space for it here on these pages. Brett Myers went ballistic on a Philly reporter after giving up two homers with the game tied on Saturday against the Padres. Bugs and Cranks transcribe the tirade in an easy to read, curse laden format...

Sam Carchidi: “You thought they both were pop ups?”

Brett Myers: “Yeah, didn’t you? You think they crushed ‘em?”

SC: “The first one I thought was out, the second one no.”

BM: “Yeah, cause you’re a retard, you don’t know s**t about f***in’ baseball. You’re filling in for somebody.”

SC: “How do you spell ‘retard’?”

BM: “You know how to spell it, it’s in your f***in’ vocabulary, I’m sure you know.”

SC: “You are classy, I’ll tell ya.”

BM: “Go on. [Get] outta here, you f***in’ idiot.”

SC: [pointing at Brett Myers] “You’re the f***in’ idiot.”

BM: “Hey! You pointin’ at me motherf***er?! I’ll tell you what, dude, I’ll knock you mutherf***ing out! F**K YOU!!! You’re tough when f***in’ people are standing in front of you, aren’t you, you piece of s**t! Come on! You f***ing idiot. Yeah, you’re tough when f***in’ people are standing in front of you, you stupid ass.”

SC: “I’m a retard?”

BM: “Yeah, that’s right, YOU ARE, you’re a f***ing idiot. You ask stupid ass f***ing questions!”
Pwned! You are an f'ing retard to even think that Brett Myers has an anger problem?!?! You don't know s**t about the game of baseball!!! Are you pointing at me through that computer screen motherf***er?!!?!?!

Here's the edited audio, but B&C still has the curse filled tirade if you're looking for a rise.

Brett Myers blows (the game); screams obscenities at reporter (Bugs and Cranks)

Posted by Awful Announcing- at 10:07 AM 10 Comments Links to this post

It's Hard Out There For A Golf Announcer


Jim Nantz gets to sit in his cushy booth perched high above the action for CBS. He can sip mint juleps and make very soothing comments about putting that cause the viewing public to dose off. Well the same is not the case for Analyst Ian Baker-Finch. He my friends is in the line of fire, and this past weekend....he took one for the CBS Team....

Rich Beem's second shot on No. 18 deflected into CBS analyst Ian Baker-Finch's face after hitting a rail behind the green, dropping him to the ground. Baker-Finch was back on his feet a little later and appeared to be OK.

"I took one for the U.S. Presidents Cup team," Beem joked, noting that Baker-Finch will assist International captain Gary Player at the Presidents Cup. "I think he'll be all right. Luckily, I didn't catch him on the fly. But still, to get hit by a golf ball coming that hard can't feel any good."
Ow. I was once got hit by a golf ball in the shin when I was a cart boy at the age of 13. I cried like a little girl. I was also almost struck by lightning and a tree almost fell over and crushed my golf cart (I cried like a girl then too). Good times.

Beemer KO'S Baker-Finch (The Sporting News)

Keith Olbermann Implores You To Do Something

Sunday, August 26, 2007

What it is...I have no idea. Maybe it's just me, but I'd like my Football with a little less anger. It is just a "game" after all. I don't care if we are talking about Mike Vick....no one ever needs to be THIS serious....



I'm so confused. So I'm supposed to hope that Vick comes back soon why? Because jail sucks? Isn't that the whole point? Someone help me out here.

Also, Jerome Bettis' orchestrated explanation of how he wasn't calling Coach Cowherd out was the biggest hunk of garbage ever. I can't believe I'm saying this, but....

Can I have Peter King back?

The Press Buffet: Diary of a Sacrificial Lamb


This week's edition of the Press Buffet is dedicated to the weaklings who signal the true start of football season. It is traditional for high-caliber programs to tune up in the early going by scheduling lightweights from small conferences, and even Division 1-AA or smaller. The NCAA rule allowing teams to claim a non-division-1A win in order to become bowl eligible (once every few years) has done nothing to dissuade anyone from the practice.

I wrote about the absurd notion (to me) that college football now starts in August in a guest shot on Losers With Socks, and it's turned into a regular feature.

Today I want to examine the journalistic mindset of writers who cover the cannon fodder. Do they wring their hands and moan? Do they put on false bluster? Do they talk about tennis instead? Let's find out.

First I turn to the Ogden Standard-Examiner, which is published in the hometown of Weber State University in Ogden, Utah. The Wildcats will be the first team to take on the newly mighty Boise State Broncos following their wild Fiesta Bowl victory over Oklahoma to end last season:

"We want the community support," WSU coach Ron McBride said in between picture with the fans. "We want to get the community involved with everything we're doing."

WSU opens the season Thursday at No. 24 Boise State, and then will play its second game of the season on Sept. 15 at Cal Poly. The following Saturday the 'Cats will play their home opener against Montana State.


I guess that's life outside the BCS - start out on the road every year.

Also from the state of Utah, the University of Utah Utes are heading to Oregon State to open the season. Here's what the Salt Lake Tribune had to say about an early trip to the Pac-10:

"Light," has been the overall theme for the Utes in practice the last week as practices have been kept short, with very little contact. Apparently the coaches feel good enough about the team's preparation that they're ready for Oregon State.

"We're not going to stay on the field just to stay on the field," Utah coach Kyle Whittingham said after Saturday's practice. "We've got a veteran offense and usually it takes the offense a little longer to come around. The defense tends to develop faster, but it has been a rapid process for the offense with 10 returning starters."


In other words, after losing one starter due to a preseason injury, the Utes prefer to take their lumps in Corvallis rather than on the practice field.

On to the Buffalo News, where the University at Buffalo (that's what they really call it) travels to New Jersey to take on another Cinderella from last year, the Rutgers Scarlet Knights. They're taking a different approach - Ontday entionmay Utgersray:

Early in his career at the University at Buffalo, James Starks distinguished himself as a lot of things: a quarterback, a cornerback and a wide receiver. But the Bulls’ starter at tailback?

“I played running back a little in Pop Warner,” Starks said. “Then they moved me to quarterback.”


Hah. Oh ho... yeah. I don't think Rutgers' first string is going to need to play too long in this one. In fact, here's the prediction from the hometown paper of record:

Prediction

While Gill has recruited better and the players have bought into the system, the Bulls haven’t experienced enough success to warrant anything more than another two-win season. Looks like they’ll go 2-10.


Ouch.

Finally, off to wee Murray, Kentucky, where the Ledger covers the 1-AA Murray State Racers. The pride of Murray will drive a few hours up to Lou-uh-ville to get demolished and pick up a game check. As you might expect, the team preview is full of cheerful little nuggets like these:

Consider this: the Racers went 1-10 last year while fielding a team with 39 freshmen. Yet, as strange as it sounds, this year the Racers could be even younger, with 73 freshmen and sophomores and just 14 upperclassmen on the team.

Charlie Jordan ran for a team-high 448 yards last year, but the team's biggest question heading into the season remains who will give Jordan and talented wide receiver Rod Harper the ball.

Linebacker Nate Williams, who finished seventh in the nation in tackles per game with 11.1, anchors a defense that will try to improve after finishing 113th in the Football Championship Subdivision (formerly NCAA Division I-AA).


So, I guess what we're saying here is... there's still a chance! [/Lloyd Christmas]

That's your August preview from Cupcake City. See you next week.

--Extra P.